My novel

[Asanat]

My beta readers suggested to add a prologue to my novel. And I did. But now they tell me it can scare people away... Well, it should scare but in a good way Well, it should attract, not scare away. Can you guys take a look at my prologue and tell me what you think? It's a psychological thriller "Quiet River".
Quiet River is a small town and people are friendly. But so you know that evil lives in quiet waters?


Prologue


She was sitting at the table, listening to his screams. She didn’t expect him to last this long but what could she know? That son of a bitch was tough. Now she regretted wrapping the hammer in a cloth but then she didn’t want any brain or blood get over her clean white linens and walls. This mistake saved his life. And now he called her names. He cursed and threatened her. He held life in his dying body for nearly three days. She wasn’t afraid that anyone would hear him when she could barely hear him herself. Well, at least in the kitchen.
She made a cup of chamomile tea to calm down her nerves and drank it standing by the window, watching her new neighbors moving in. A young couple it was. The woman ran around her car, holding some ugly flower in a pot. What an idiot, she thought. Then she thought she would make them a pie as a welcome present. The woman was about twenty-five, not much older than she was. Maybe they could become friends. Why not? Something different for a change.
He screamed louder. This time with no words, only disjointed howls. She cursed and dropped the cup into the sink. Remains of brown liquid spilled on a clean metal surface. He was really getting on her nerves and tea didn’t help her to relax.
She took a knife from the drawer, left the kitchen and opened the door to the basement. Now his screams became brighter, filled with sick desperation. He would appreciate her decision to stop his suffering.
She walked down the stairs and turned the light on. He became quiet and just stared at her with hatred. His pale face was covered in dry, cracked blood. The smell coming from him was unbearable. She didn’t feed this son of a bitch and he was still full of sh*t
“What are you going to do now?” he asked hoarsely.
She raised the knife and the hatred in his eyes made way for fear.
“You won’t kill me,” he said as he twitched in his ropes. “They’ll find out. They are looking for me!”
She didn’t respond to this. And who would respond to such silliness? No one was looking for him. No one cared about him.
“Do you still love me?” she asked walking closer to him.
He didn’t answer right away. He looked at her for a long time. He looked straight into her eyes.
“Of course. I’ve always loved you. And always will. You know it.”
His words were dry and sticky, as was his mouth and lips, which he licked with his dry tongue.
She smiled. She knew better. And she did love him, too.

[Fran]

Well you certainly scared me. I'm not a fan of horror but IMO you Prologue is well written & gives more than enough detail to draw a reader in.

Best of luck with it.

[Asanat]

Thanks Fran! It's not a horror but it has some... content

[Ric]

Its not feel like horror, we can say actually it is not horror, but there is some content here related to horror..!

[Asanat]

Its not feel like horror, we can say actually it is not horror, but there is some content here related to horror..!

It sure may!
More of the book!
Chapter 1


“Mom, look at me! I’m swimming!” Evan yelled.
Lisa showed thumbs up.
“You’re doing great, sweetie!”
She undid her ponytail to let her hair dry and sat on a beach rug, watching her two favorite men from the shore.
Her husband and son were splashing in the water. Matt was teaching Evan to swim, holding him under his belly. Four-year-old boy, with brown eyes like his mom’s and caramel hair like his dad’s, was laughing and screaming with delight. He kicked with his legs and hit with his arms so water splashed all around. They were alone on the shore in spite of tourist season and no one could hear them. Lisa loved the sense of lost civilization in this place and its beauty.
The sun was throwing beams at the emerald surface of the water that was looking for a way to the sea, at juicy grass, yellow and blue flowers and a few small brick houses on the opposite side of the river. Lisa closed her eyes to enjoy the quiet whisper of the forest that spread around her, the uncoordinated singing of birds and the warm wisps of a light summer breeze on her skin. She thought it was under graded paradise and how lucky she was to find this place randomly searching internet.
The sound in her stomach, which was not as friendly as the nature, made Lisa opened her eyes. She searched inside the cooler and found Granny Smith apple. She started to crave sour taste since last week and ate an apple for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
She peeled it and finished in a few seconds.
“That was good,” she said as she took a sip of water from a bottle and looked at her watch. Matt’s gift for her last birthday that she took off while being in the water. To her surprise it was almost three o’clock. They had arrived here somewhere around twelve and Evan got out of the water only for those short twenty minutes to chew his PBJ.
“Guys, are you cold yet?” Lisa yelled, hoping that her husband would hear her.
“No, Mom!” Evan answered.
Lisa stood up, adjusted her one-piece bathing suit and approached the water.
“Thirty more minutes and he’s going to swim on his own,” Matt said.
“I don’t think so,” Lisa said as she shook her head. The flow of the river wasn’t fast but it also wasn’t slow enough for Lisa to let her husband go any farther with the training, and she also worried that Evan would get sick. “His lips are blue.”
Evan started to move his arms and legs faster, directing Matt to turn away from his mother.
“Evan, you’re shaking. Get out of the water.”
“No!” the boy didn’t stop.
Matt lifted him up and set him on his folded arm.
“Daddy! I’m not cold! I want to swim more. Come on!”
“It’s okay, Pirate, mom’s right.” Matt switched his wiggling son to his other arm and carried him to the shore.
Lisa grabbed a big green towel from the beach blanket and rushed to Evan. She ignored his sulking look and wrapped the boy in the towel, which was warm from the sun, then rubbed his back. “God, look at you. You’re shivering.”
“I’m not cold,” Evan murmured. He put his head down and clutched his chattering teeth, waiting patiently for his mother to finish working on his back and chest.
As soon as she put the towel down, Evan ran away from his parents and started hurling stones into the water. Lisa watched her son while Matt pulled out a bottle of water from the cooler. She spread a wet towel on grass nearby.
“Do you want some water, Pirate?” Matt asked.
Evan shook his head.
Matt opened the bottle and took a big, tasty sip. “It’s nice here.”
“Isn’t it?” Lisa said, sitting down on a beach blanket by her husband.
“Sure,” Matt said as he drank more water. “Peaceful. We can come here more often if you want. It’s less than three hours from Seattle.”
“I would love to.” Lisa pulled her knees to her chest and swung her arms around. “I think I could even live in this place.”
“Really?” Matt dropped the bottle back in the cooler and lay down on his back, throwing his arms behind his head. “Quiet River is quite a small town. What would we do here?”
Lisa shrugged. She could live in a little wooden house somewhere deep in a forest where no other human existed. “Just live like all these people. Far from the hustle and bustle,” she said.
“It’s far from work, too.”
“I just like it here. So different from everything we’ve gotten used to. But I’m not serious, you know.” Lisa lay down on her stomach, thinking that her back hadn’t gotten enough sun. “We probably would die here from the boredom,” she continued. “Evan, on the other hand, would really enjoy being close to nature, I think.” Lisa turned to her son but the boy wasn’t there anymore. Lisa jumped up. “Where is Evan? Where is he? Evan!”
Matt stood up and looked around. “Evan!”
Lisa rushed to the river screaming her son’s name. “Evan! Oh, my God! Matt! Where is he?”
“He’s all right. Evan! Don’t worry.”
Lisa ran into the water and almost fell, sliding over a big stone. “Evan! He drowned? Oh, my God! He drowned!”
“He didn’t drown, Lisa. He would have screamed.”
“Where is he then? I thought we were here alone! Did you see someone?”
“No. He’s fine, I’m sure. I’ll check there.”
Lisa saw Matt rushing up the hill that hid the river from forest and the town. He barely reached the top when Lisa saw Evan running down from there.
“He’s here!” Matt shouted.
Lisa got out of the water and dashed to Evan, falling once on her way by stumbling on a tree branch. She grabbed the boy in her arms. The sand from her hands stuck to Evan’s bare back. “Evan! How can you do something like this? Where did you go?”
“I just wanted to check up there and get my boat from the car.”
“Why didn’t you tell us? Never do this again!”
“What do you have, Pirate?” Matt asked.
Lisa only now noticed that Evan was squeezing something in his hands. He unclenched his fists and crumbs of chocolate chip cookies fell on the ground. The chocolate had started to melt and left sticky traces on the boy’s little palms.
“Where did you get those?” Matt asked. “The car is locked.”
“I don’t have cookies in the car,” Lisa said.
“A woman gave them to me.” Evan looked at his hands and licked the chocolate.
It was cute but Lisa gently pushed his hands away from his mouth. “What woman?”
“I don’t know. She was standing by our car and said I look like her son. She gave me the cookies. Can I eat them?”
Lisa and Matt looked at each other.
“Some woman was standing by our car?” Lisa asked.
“I’ll get your boat,” Matt said and walked up the hill.
Lisa watched till he reached the top and then looked back at her son. “Listen to me, Evan,” she said. “Never, ever speak to strangers. Do you understand? Never take anything from them. We had this conversation already.”
The corners of boy’s mouth crawled down. He shook the rest of the cookies from his hands and wiped his sticky palms of his swimming shorts. “I didn’t speak to her. She spoke to me!” he was about to cry.
Lisa thought that she had talked to him too strongly but she had heard so many stories. Children were disappearing every day. They were kidnapped and killed. The world was a dangerous place. But maybe not in Quiet River. “Sorry I raised my voice,” she said, patting Evan’s back. “I just love you too much. All right, honey?”
Evan hugged her back.
Matt returned and when Lisa looked at him, he shrugged his shoulders.
“No one was there,” he said.
“Where’s my boat?” Evan looked at his father and frowned.
“Darn, I forgot it!” Matt slammed his forehead.
“Don’t worry about it,” Lisa said. “We’re leaving anyway. Help me to pack,” she kissed Evan one more time and started to gather their belongings.

[Garathnormanmtts]

This is nice.I liked it a lot.

[Asanat]

Thank you!

[Maud Fitch]

Keep writing, good stuff!

[Kayakalp]

Great writing folk.

[Shawanna]

narration of the story is very nice,the way she was interacted with him is awesome

[Asiekinvette]

[b]Asanat[/b], you really scared me! but you have great imagination. Seriously! Go ahead

[Hearthackerpk]

it seems that you can write well... please keep writing and keep sharing with us your writing skills

[the tiger fights]

I think that the prologue is a good hook and lays an interesting foundation. It makes you want to read more to see how it fits into the story. Nice work!

[bookworm200+]

What happens next?!

[johnsonpatricia]

Nice,,,how is this end??????