Official Review: Unfinished: Eliena's Winter by Hunter Day

[amybo82]

[Following is the official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Unfinished: Eliena's Winter" by Hunter Day.]

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1 out of 4 stars

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This story is exactly as its title describes: unfinished. Unfinished: Eliana's Winter by Hunter Day starts out with an attention-grabbing scene in which siblings Sarah and Heinrick are running, apparently trying to escape an angry mob. Moments after they reach the safety of home, Sarah's baby girl, Eliana, is born. Despite the joy of the new life, Sarah and Heinrick are surrounded by sadness because Sarah is on the verge of dying.

Overall, the author is off to a good start. He does an excellent job of making the reader really feel the action with short, simple sentences and fast-paced dialog. The story is intense and quick. The part of the story that has been written certainly draws you in and gets you interested in knowing what is going to happen next. Unfortunately, at only three pages, you just do not have enough of a story to fully enjoy in the end.

There are some major mechanical errors with the story. There are minor spelling errors, such as the omission of an s to make a word plural. The biggest spelling error is with the use of the word "threw" instead of the word "through" multiple times in the story. This example from the first chapter is representative of the common capitalization and punctuation errors throughout: "'She's Beautiful.' I say to her softly. 'Let me hold her.' She demands." In the middle of the story, the narrator switches, with no warning or indication of the change. It makes the reading a little confusing.

This is a difficult piece to rate because of its length. In his biographical information, the author admits that the story is not finished, and he says that he tends to write new pieces as ideas come to him, rather than spending time wrapping up just one story. I think this story could be successfully made into a short story and added to a collection with some of the author’s other pieces. This story feels truncated, and with more thought and work, it has the potential to be quite good. However, due to the lack of proofreading, editing, and lack of completion of the story, I had to give a lower rating.

I rate this book 1 out of 4 stars. If it were completed and edited, I could definitely see it getting a 3 or even 4 star review because the story is so interesting. However, at just a few pages, Unfinished: Eliana's Winter is not long enough to really fairly review. I could see it being turned into a short story or a full-length novel for young adults who enjoy action and adventure.

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Unfinished: Eliena's Winter
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[zeldas_lullaby]

I found your review intriguing and enjoyable.

Wow. The book is only three pages long? That's... unique.

It sounds like the author needs to focus on quantity, and on maintaining a storyline from start to finish. If the author is reading this, might I suggest hanging out at our writer's forum? There are some great resources there, and good advice for any issue. Keep trying!

[Hunterrday]

Thanks for the review amy! Haha I was laughing when you pointed out my spelling errors! I actually did polish some of those, but when I went to copy and paste my "polished" version, I deleted the whole thing.. So I just got frustrated and decided I'll let the reader figure out what I'm saying. anyways.. I enjoyed your review for my unfinished story.(: I'll probably finish it on my spare time. Again, thank you so much for my taking the time to read my part of a book thingy! Oh! I will also clean it up, if I finish it!

Ps. You are welcome for the emotional roller coaster

-- 04 Aug 2015, 00:12 --

Zelda's! Love your username! I appreciate your tip! Thanks for taking the time to share that!

[chytach18-]

Isn`t it a bit too short even for a short story?

[amybo82]

One of the great things about short stories is that they can be any length! McSweeney's and B.J. Novak's One More Thing both have some great examples of stories that are very short but still tell a full story. In the author's bio, he stated that he has a tendency to leave works unfinished because he has so many ideas. I can certainly understand that! In this case, I think the author has lots of talent, and if he is able to focus on making the story whole, he can go far.

Hunter--I was really torn about how to rate the book, but in the end, I think the incompleteness and the mechanical errors just got to me. I want to encourage you, though, because I think you are an excellent writer! Reading your story made me feel like I felt when I was reading Jack Kerouac--not that you have the same style or method, but his writing creates a rhythm and a motion, and you can feel the story as you read it. I felt the same way about your story. As I mentioned, the short sentences and word choices you made really helped put the reader right in the middle of the action, feeling the rush, the panic, the joy, and the devastation. Zelda makes a great suggestion of hanging out in the writers forum to get more feedback and collaboration. Also, I completely understand your frustration with accidental deletions. It's so frustrating, and there's not much you can do to fix it! I hope to read more of your work in the future!

[Jesska6029]

Super cool review. It can definitely be harder to review a shorter text. Loved reading the review!

[amybo82]

Thanks, Jesska! I truly do look forward to reading more of this author's work!

[gali]

Nice review. Too bad the book is not finished.

[amybo82]

Gali - I hope the author completes the work! It will be great when it's done!

[LivreAmour217]

When I saw the title of this book, it didn't occur to me that the story was literally unfinished! I just thought that it had a cool name

Anyway, this is a great review! I salute you for being able to write so much on a story that's only three pages long!

[amybo82]

Livre-I wasn't sure about the title at first. When I saw it on the review selection page, I thought it sounded interesting, and I thought "unfinished" was just part of the title. I was surprised at how short the book was, and I realized that the word actually meant that the story was unfinished! Haha! It was a great start to a story!

[HalcyonFlower]

Spelling and grammar mistakes throughout the novel is one of my pet peeves. Thank you for the honest review - I don't think I'd be able to begin an unfinished novel unless it was part of a motif of theme.

[amybo82]

Halcyon, I agree! Lack of proofreading can truly make or break a book for me. I find mechanical errors to be really distracting, and they can make me lose sight of the story.