Official Review: State of Conflict by Mark Hess

[lane_vespertine]

[Following is the official OnlineBookClub.org review of "State of Conflict" by Mark Hess.]

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1 out of 4 stars

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State of Conflict

By Mark Hess

State of Conflict is a historical fiction novel following the life of Ezekiel Hampton, a fictional veteran of The Mexican Reform War. In this war, Zeke, as he is frequently referred, fought on the side of the Liberals, a pro-president group in opposition to the conservatives, a pro-king group. The book begins with a battle late in this war and details the heroism of Zeke as he single-handily defeats three men maintaining an enemy cannon.

After the war, Zeke heads back home to San Francisco to celebrate Chinese New Year with his family. Although he was born in Ohio to Caucasian parents, Zeke was adopted by a Chinese family when his father killed himself after moving his family to San Francisco and his mother abandoned him in a Chinese restaurant. His new family teach him their customs and values.

In San Francisco, before he has reconnected with his family, Zeke meets Katy. Over the next few days, Zeke introduces Katy to his family and the two get married.

He also chances upon a plot by some southern sympathizers, this being just before the beginning of The Civil War, to attack a union fort. Thus informed, Zeke leaves San Francisco and his new bride behind for San Diego to join the Union Army and thwart the plan of the southern sympathizers.

The rest of the story involves Zeke’s experiences at Camp Wright in San Diego.

State of Conflict is a difficult book to summarize because the plot is not the only major element. For example, Zeke’s experiences with his older brother, Zhou, and their fascination with The Art of War by Sun Tzu, color the pages. The book is quoted dozens of times, and Zhou speaks as though mimicking the prose in normal conversation. At one point an 18-year-old Zhou says,

“I will aid you despite your flaws, but never forget. Outside this roof, you have no friends, no family. You must earn respect to gain allies.”

This also provides an example of one of the major problems with State of Conflict. The dialogue is frequently awkward and clunky. The characters are often caricatures, some speaking in over the top phonetically represented Irish accents and others in comically Confucian lyrics.

Also, Hess never quite settles on a naming system for his characters. He alternates between their whole name, first name, last name, and origin (i.e. Ohioan, Texan, Washingtonian.) This makes keeping track of everyone very difficult. On top of this, many of the minor characters are fully named as well, making it difficult to follow the major characters.

Zeke, the main character, is not fully fleshed out. Why exactly does he marry a lady he has only known for two or three days? Why did he join the Liberals in the Reform War when he isn't even a Mexican? And how does he do that at only 16? How exactly does he become an officer in the Union Army? None of these questions are fully answered. Thus Zeke never becomes a relatable hero, rather he is just the guy we follow.

There is a good story somewhere in this book. The idea of a veteran from the Mexican Army discovering a secret plot and joining the Union Army to uncover it is a good one. Unfortunately, most of State of Conflict deals with cross-cultural dinner parties, lengthy lessons on how to play baseball, elaborate descriptions of hand to hand combat, and Union troops on camels. These anecdotes are meant to enhance the story, to give it color, but unfortunately they only act as a distraction from the actual plot.

Finally, as this book is written, I cannot recommend it to anyone. It is unnecessarily confusing and completely lacks focus. There is potential in the story but Mark Hess fails to capture it in any meaningful way. I rate this book 1 out of 4 stars.

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State of Conflict
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Like lane_vespertine's review? Post a comment saying so!

[Lauren M]

It's a shame that the book has a great idea, yet poor execution. It sounds like a good read from parts of your review, but I can see how it gets very confusing with too many unnecessary details. Your review is very well thought out and well written.

[zero_macabre]

The book definitely seemed like it had potential - it's a shame it had many flaws. Thank you for such a detailed and great review!

[Monica R]

Sounds like the book is all over the place but the individual stories are fascinating. Maybe the author should write it as a collection of short stories, all with one thematic character. Then, the names and odd dialogue would be allowed to exist as unique and colorful elements in brief looks at the world.

Good review!

[lane_vespertine]

It's a shame that the book has a great idea, yet poor execution. It sounds like a good read from parts of your review, but I can see how it gets very confusing with too many unnecessary details. Your review is very well thought out and well written.

Thank you!
I had a thought while writing the review, it just didn't seem to fit into the review itself. My thought was that if I were to give a suggestion to the author, it would be to strip the story down to only the plot. At that point there would be twenty or thirty pages. Then elaborate and explain just the plot until it is a clear and focused short story with no backstory. Then slowly start adding backstory and non plot related character development features one at a time. With every new addition, stop, reread, and ask if this new addition adds to the story, does nothing for it, or detracts. If it doesn't add anything, either reform it or throw it out.
Yeah, it sounds like a lot of work. But I feel like that process would lead to a much better story, one that I would be happy to read after the process was finished.

-- 04 Oct 2016, 19:02 --

The book definitely seemed like it had potential - it's a shame it had many flaws. Thank you for such a detailed and great review!

Thanks for saying so!
I don't know about you, but I find it sooooo much harder to write a bad review than a good one!

[Lauren M]

It's a shame that the book has a great idea, yet poor execution. It sounds like a good read from parts of your review, but I can see how it gets very confusing with too many unnecessary details. Your review is very well thought out and well written.

Thank you!
I had a thought while writing the review, it just didn't seem to fit into the review itself. My thought was that if I were to give a suggestion to the author, it would be to strip the story down to only the plot. At that point there would be twenty or thirty pages. Then elaborate and explain just the plot until it is a clear and focused short story with no backstory. Then slowly start adding backstory and non plot related character development features one at a time. With every new addition, stop, reread, and ask if this new addition adds to the story, does nothing for it, or detracts. If it doesn't add anything, either reform it or throw it out.
Yeah, it sounds like a lot of work. But I feel like that process would lead to a much better story, one that I would be happy to read after the process was finished.

That is excellent advice! And a ton of work, but very much worth it to create a quality novel that gets its point across, as well as entertains without confusing. To be honest, this is how I write my own novels (none that have made it to print just yet.) I start with the basic storyline and write fast to get the main plot down, sparring extra details and fluff. During the edit, I am able to expand in places, adding extra dimension and depth to the bones of a novel.

[AA1495]

Sad that the book didn't meet its potential. Thank you for a great review! ☺

[lane_vespertine]

It's a shame that the book has a great idea, yet poor execution. It sounds like a good read from parts of your review, but I can see how it gets very confusing with too many unnecessary details. Your review is very well thought out and well written.

Thank you!
I had a thought while writing the review, it just didn't seem to fit into the review itself. My thought was that if I were to give a suggestion to the author, it would be to strip the story down to only the plot. At that point there would be twenty or thirty pages. Then elaborate and explain just the plot until it is a clear and focused short story with no backstory. Then slowly start adding backstory and non plot related character development features one at a time. With every new addition, stop, reread, and ask if this new addition adds to the story, does nothing for it, or detracts. If it doesn't add anything, either reform it or throw it out.
Yeah, it sounds like a lot of work. But I feel like that process would lead to a much better story, one that I would be happy to read after the process was finished.

That is excellent advice! And a ton of work, but very much worth it to create a quality novel that gets its point across, as well as entertains without confusing. To be honest, this is how I write my own novels (none that have made it to print just yet.) I start with the basic storyline and write fast to get the main plot down, sparring extra details and fluff. During the edit, I am able to expand in places, adding extra dimension and depth to the bones of a novel.

As you say, it sounds like a lot of work!
I hope to someday be able to see one of your books getting reviewed on this website!

[kimmyschemy06]

That was a very honest review. I find it difficult to read books with multiple plot and this book seems like one. Though the premise sounds very promising, I'm not sure I would enjoy it. Good job on the review.

[Vickyoreo86]

Thank you for this review. Not only did it give me insight to this book but thanks to you I have learned how to give an over all negative review without it seeming hurtful. Thank you so much, I am so glad I found this in my search for help.

I loved the honesty and respect the struggle to write negative thoughts. Thank you for doing so in such a good way