OBC Novel: The Minotaur by Leon D. Ham

[Cee-Jay Aurinko]

Hey, guys. I contacted Scott yesterday, asking him what he thought of me trying my hand at an OBC Exclusive Novel. He gave me the go-ahead. So here it is. My Novel for everybody to read. Please don't judge me too harshly. Ha-ha!

I call it The Minotaur, a novel of crime and crime and more crime. Every day, I'll try to post 250 words until it eventually grows into a novel. Hopefully, when I do publish my first official novel, this book would have gotten me some potential fans. I hope you like what you read.

Here is my first post:

Chapter One

The bouncer that led me to the nightclub's VIP room was big, Russian, and serious as a lethal injection. His arms were thrice bigger than mine, which was anything but thin and frail things themselves. He walked behind me, keeping a watchful eye on his boss's guest of honor for the night. His job policy, I guess. If push came to shove though, all his watchfulness wouldn't do him any good. No. Not with me.

Club Opulent was indeed a playground for the opulent and well-to-do. Most of the boys and girls who came here to have some fun looked like they stumbled right out of a board meeting. Men in tailored suits and shiny shoes. Women in elegant dresses and high heels. Dancing to violently loud rave music. Opulent indeed.

I was ushered up a short flight of stairs. Finally, the Russian bouncer grabbed my shoulder. "Wait here," he said, and went to whisper something in the ear of a man I've never seen in Alexei Baranovsky's circle before.

Alexei and I go way back. To before he even had this club. Back then, his older brother Joseph used to run things here in Hale City. Dope trafficking, human trafficking, you name it. Joseph Baranovsky was the king then. But he was dead, and now, Alexei was the big shark in the tank.

The man the bouncer was whispering to looked at me, then nodded to the bouncer, who in turn nodded to me.

Organized.

Alexei had just snorted a line of coke by the time he noticed me standing there, in my gray suit and black-rimmed spectacles.

(c) Leon D. Ham

-- 02 Jun 2015, 15:26 --

"Bill Glasner," he began, his light brown eyes, dilated as they were, seeming to light up at the very sight of me, as if he was truly, genuinely happy to see me and he hadn't, in fact, been expecting my arrival all along. Of course, this was as far from the truth as north was from south. Snorting the last of the cocaine powder still trapped in his nose hairs and pinching his reddened nose with fingers decorated with gold rings, he continued with, "As I live and breathe."

I said nothing. More than a dozen pairs of eyes were on me. All of them belonging to men who were unquestionably dangerous and ex-military. And Russian. Why not?

The Russian bouncer had just left. But the man he had talked to was watching me, studying me, warning me with his eyes that if I dared to try something funny, he'd take care of me in a heartbeat. And with pleasure. Quite a handsome chap, in that striped black suit of his.

A pretty young lady sat on Alexei's right, exhaling curls of cigarette smoke that seemed to vanish almost completely as soon as it rose a certain distance above her head. She was a seductive creature in a seamless strawberry-red mini dress, with short platinum-blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and long legs.

Alexei waved me towards him. "Come. Sit down. We have so much catching up to do. You and I."

(c) Leon D. Ham

[rachel_bruhn]

At first glance it seems like a pretty good start. I think it could do with a little smoothing out in places to help it read more smoothly. There is a slight hint of mystery that encourages the reader to want to keep reading: Why is Alexei expecting Bill? What makes Bill so confident in his strength and abilities? At the same time, however, I am left wondering....where is this story going? I was disappointed that there were only 2 entries, so I hope that maybe my comments will encourage you to continue updating this entry, as was your original intent. I am sure that something is about to happen that will draw me in deeper.