Show, Don't Tell

[velociraptorsrkewl]

I had to write a piece for my creative writing class in which we were given one sentence and from that sentence we had to write a scene where we had to show what was happening instead of outright stating it. My sentence was "The kid was a brat." And here is my story:

Before I even step up onto the front porch I hear the screaming. I trudge up the cobblestone pathway as my ears are assailed by the most horrible wailing that I have ever heard. It sounds like a dying cow, and I can’t help but wonder what in tarnation is going on. I briefly consider turning tail and running home to play video games, but the promise of money prevails in my mind. I take a deep breath, and then reluctantly knock on the wooden front door. It swings open almost immediately to reveal a frazzled looking Mrs. Mitchell. Her eyes are wide in exasperation, and tendrils of her hair have escaped her updo.
“Thank goodness,” she heaves, slightly out of breath, as she grabs my arm tightly and yanks me into the house, “My cell phone number is on the fridge if you need anything…” she bolts past me out the front door and down the cobblestone path to her car, “Try not to need anything!” she yells as an afterthought. I stare dejectedly after her as she peels out of the driveway. All the while the terrible screeching grows to a crescendo in the background.
I brace myself and turn around to assess the situation. My heart sinks and I turn around to suppress a groan as I regard toys strewn all over the living room. Some are broken, some appear to be brand new. There isn’t a single space that isn’t littered with them. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I jump in surprise as Mrs. Mitchell’s son, Bruno, sneers up at me. “I’m hungry,” he demands. Boy, was this going to be a long night...

[rachel_bruhn]

I never took creative writing in school, but that is such a cool idea! It sounds like you have a natural talent for writing. I was able to picture everything you were writing about vividly.

[stanley]

I really liked your opening for what promises to be an entertaining short story. Mrs. Mitchell was especially good with her line, "Try not to need anything." I hope you'll keep writing.

[velociraptorsrkewl]

Thank you