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In a world of dinosaurs not like Earth, there lived a Parasaur named Trixie. At the very highest cliff where a ledge hang, which was ready to fall at any given moment. Trixie was looking down upon her home planet, she sighed. She looking up to the stars, wanting nothing more but to explore the galaxy. Her siblings were able to, but no her parents said she couldn't go. She was responsible to babysit on her unhatched siblings.

Trixie spoke as she continued to sit there. " How I wish, I could see the world like my brothers did. " She got up and walked away from the ledge, she continued to walk to the lower part side of the mountain, then past the river until she came to a rock-like house. There was her home, her mother was just tending to the laundry while her father was taking care of the garden.

She walked up to her mother and spoke. " Hi mom. " Her mother looked up, gave her a warm smile. " Hello Trixie, you just in time for dinner. Oh, Trixie. " Trixie was about to head inside, till her mother called her. " Be a dear and look over the eggs while I am gone, I am going to go and visit your uncle Jack. " Trixie frowned, again with egg sitting. " Okay, mom. " She replied. ' Uncle Jack is a crazy dinosaur, why visit him? I swear mom..' thought Trixie.

Trixie walked over to the eggs, there were two beautiful scaley blue and purple next to each other within the nest. Trixie smiled. " At least you two will not leave without me. Will ya? " She hugged the eggs, she could feel the warmth inside them. She lay down and curled up around them before she knew it she was soon fast to sleep.

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Greetings readers, I hope you enjoy my first written story on the forum and the story itself, in which that I aimed to make into an actual comic or a novel. c: I might change the title for it in the future.

Great story! Your humanized dinosaurs are adorable.

Nice story! I love how in a productive way you used your fantasy. Keep writing

Oh my gosh, I had no idea people have commented! Thank you so much! I am sorry for the late response, I didn't get a notification or anything.

Yes, they are quite adorable. Thank you! @SunVixen


Thank you! I will! ^ ^ @timur777

Cute, but this is not a story, let alone a short story. There is no ending mostly, but there is also no conflict. It is a slow introduction to a novel which you will never know how to finish. Short stories are harder to write than your great novel which you will never finish.
remove "where a ledge hang, which was ready to fall at any given moment."
add "sat here on here siblings" so we know she was baby sitting right then.
remove "away from the ledge, she continued to walk to the lower part side of the mountain, then past the river until she came to a rock-like house. There was her home" not related to the story.
When she got up and left the eggs, there should have been some anxiety of leaving them to get cold, but you ignored it. All your readers noticed it. How could you ignore that? Instead you thought the conflict was if mom should visit the crazy uncle? You were setting up your novel with a grand adventure with the uncle, but ignored the actual conflict right in your few paragraphs. Please try to write actual short stories. Short stories are the forge of novelists.

It is a good start for the novel you are working on, but take extra care because I was able to sight a few grammar and typing mistakes. Keep anticipating about the plot so as to perceive more ideas.

ThomasTheAttorney wrote: ↑21 Jan 2020, 00:31 Cute, but this is not a story, let alone a short story. There is no ending mostly, but there is also no conflict. It is a slow introduction to a novel which you will never know how to finish. Short stories are harder to write than your great novel which you will never finish.
remove "where a ledge hang, which was ready to fall at any given moment."
add "sat here on here siblings" so we know she was baby sitting right then.
remove "away from the ledge, she continued to walk to the lower part side of the mountain, then past the river until she came to a rock-like house. There was her home" not related to the story.
When she got up and left the eggs, there should have been some anxiety of leaving them to get cold, but you ignored it. All your readers noticed it. How could you ignore that? Instead you thought the conflict was if mom should visit the crazy uncle? You were setting up your novel with a grand adventure with the uncle, but ignored the actual conflict right in your few paragraphs. Please try to write actual short stories. Short stories are the forge of novelists.

Of course it's not suppose to be a short story, I've mention it is for a novel or aimed for a comic below the story, it just a brief of what I've written so far. I might just change this into a script instead, since making it into a comic is more interesting than a novel for this story. As for the mistakes, I'll keep that in mind, though I don't think it is needed, since again, I might change it into a comic? But I''ll defiantly keep it in mind regardless. The eggs however, are fine I don't get what the big deal is on that end, the eggs weren't ever alone from the start.

Anyways thanks for ya tips.

CYSON DOROPH wrote: ↑31 Jan 2020, 08:17 It is a good start for the novel you are working on, but take extra care because I was able to sight a few grammar and typing mistakes. Keep anticipating about the plot so as to perceive more ideas.

Will do, thank you. I am aware there is some mistakes, but since I might change this into a comic instead, I might not need to fix the grammars and the other issues. The plot defiantly needs work though and I am very aware of that for certain.

Thank you for the awareness. ^ ^