A Straight Road and a Dog's Tale

Use this forum to post short stories that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links.
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Scott
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A Straight Road and a Dog's Tale

Post by Scott »

A Straight Road and a Dog's Tale
by Scott Hughes


In a multiverse, there was a universe.

In the universe, there was a galaxy.

In the galaxy, there was a star.

Around the star, there was a planet.

On that planet, there was a people.

They were an orderly people, agents against entropy.

Their streets were all straight, all intersections perfectly perpendicular.

Their houses faced the street, the front of each house perfectly flat, aligned to the street.

If one imagined a line traveling through the front side of each of the houses to connect the houses, it would be a perfectly straight line. For these houses, indeed, were as perfectly aligned as one could imagine.

Each house had a backyard. Each backyard had three trees, planted in a triangle, a perfect equilateral triangle.

But the trees grew leaves. The leaves grew crispy, grew colorful, and fell to the ground.

Each day, the orderly people would run around and chase the leaves.

Each day, the orderly people would sweat and struggle to organize the leaves.

Some would attempt to organize the leaves into one big pile. Some would attempt to align the leaves in a set of shapes or a series of lines.

But the subtle wind was just too great.

At least one leaf would always seem to dance away before the project was complete.

And so they lived for many years.

But one day there was a man with a dog.

When night would come, and it was too dark and cold to chase leaves, he would sit with me and read.

I liked to chase my tail often, but when he read I would sit with him. He would pet me.

The man read about inner peace in books by ancient Greek stoics.

The man read about natural balance and flow in Chinese books about the Tao.

The man read about the oneness of the self and the other, of the this and the that, in ancient Hindu texts.

The man read about enlightenment, desirelessness, and nirvana in Buddhist scriptures.

In gospels quoting Jesus, the man read about unconditional love and forgiveness.

In ancient Jewish scriptures, the man read about fearlessly walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

And the man pet me.

One day, when it was time to chase leaves, the man did not. He stood in his backyard. He looked left to his neighbor on the left, and he looked right to his neighbor on the right. They both chased leaves, like all days prior.

Until they saw the man and his dog standing quietly, in the present.

They say, "are you okay?"

He says, "yes."

They say, "but you aren't chasing leaves?"

He says, "yes."

They say, "but the yard is messy?"

He says, "yes."

They say, "the wind is blowing the leaves around as we speak."

He says, "yes."

He says, "isn't it beautiful?"

He says, "isn't it beautiful how they dance?"

The neighbors say, "we don't have time for this."

And they go back to cleaning their yards by chasing the leaves.

But they are not just orderly folk; they are charitable too. So now they chase the man's leaves too. They want to clean his yard too.

I look at the man. I fear he will bark or bite at the trespassers. They run all over his yard, chasing down the leaves, snatching leaves right from the air, putting the leaves in piles. They are ruining the dancing, I think. Again, I look at the man. If he barks, I'll bark. If he bites, I'll bite. I have your back my old friend!

But he looks at me and says, "isn't it beautiful?"

He says, "isn't it beautiful how they dance?"



---
"That virtue we appreciate is as much ours as another's. We see so much only as we possess." - Henry David Thoreau

"Non ignara mali miseris succurrere disco." Virgil, The Aeneid
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B Sheila Holt
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Post by B Sheila Holt »

Wow Scott!
Thank you for writing such an enjoyable short fun story. Even though it was short and the sentences were small for the most part, your writing style and the words you used conveyed a much bigger picture for the reader. I loved the interaction with the man, his dog and the neighbors along the street.
Also, it’s easy to visualize the setting by your descriptions of each area as you went along.
You really should write more.
Congrats on an amazing job!!
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Maryannwrites-15
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Post by Maryannwrites-15 »

Lovely story, Scott. I, too, see the Autumn leaves dancing. And you got your message across so well. Kudos!!
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Helene5
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Post by Helene5 »

You certainly got my attention. A rough and tumble gardener and bushwalker, I love your story. It says something about forgiveness too.
Best wishes,
Helene Smith
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Post by Patricia Karimi »

I like how your story begins and develops. In my mind I could picture the the scene of what was happening under the galaxy. Human nature to co-exist was nicely put.
Well done!
Aruna Kamara
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Post by Aruna Kamara »

Such an incredible put. Your pen speaks volume of its message. Bravo!!!
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Abi McCoy
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Post by Abi McCoy »

I enjoyed the style of this story - especially how you utilized short, simple sentences to set the scene. I also enjoyed how the first few sentences started off so big in their focus then zoomed in to one man and one dog. I'm very interested in what inspired you to write this!
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

I don't know how I missed this when it was first posted. Very nice work. I really liked the way the dog was represented.

This is actually a very inspiring piece. Perhaps a longer work dealing with a dog's interpretation of human activity could be done. I always try to include a twist at the end of my stories and I was just thinking that maybe a nice twist would be to have a couple of dogs spending a Saturday together walking through a town, meeting friends and having various experiences, but throughout the story the reader is meant to think they are human. The twist at the end reveals that they are dogs (or cats).

Good story! Thanks for posting.
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John de Wolf
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Post by John de Wolf »

Hi Scott,
I can see your heart went into this short story. It showed a rather deep reflection of life as we see it every day. Keep it up, the more you write, the more you will find in your mind. A long time ago a bellhop boy working on a Mississippi paddle steamer asked the famous writer Samuel Clemens, 'Mister Clemens, how do I become a writer?' and Mr. Clemens replied, "Son just start writing'' The bellhop boy was Jack London, who wrote The Call of the Wild, which is about a fighting dog in Alaska 19th century. Mr. Clemens' pen name was Mark Train. Jack London later came to London and met all the famous English writers. Always keep in mind the bellhop boy who met America's greatest writer, and become another Jack London. I write teenage science fiction and have a lot of fun with it.
Only a rank amateur, your admirer,

John de Wolf :)
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Post by Cindy Bryan »

A Straight Road and a Dog's Tale by Scott Hughes is an awesome short story. It is a peaceful story. It is ok for teens and adults to read. There is an emphasis in nature. You can read this in an hour.
From Cynthia Bryan, Houston, Texas.
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Krabb
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Post by Krabb »

That's a big WOW! for this short story, look it it really pass a lot of messages at once....you're a great writer
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stephen edwards
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Post by stephen edwards »

I thought it was a very pleasing story. It was easy to follow, and engrossing. The text demonstrates how well read you are, very good for someone so young; and the vocabulary is sophisticed as well. A nice little maverick tale with a heterodox character. Your story also revals that you have a rich vein of immagination and that you are more than capable of fine tuining it all into a compelling yarn. The planning and composing is very good, and boasts of a skilled writer. Well done.
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Gambrelli
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Post by Gambrelli »

I loved this short story. I see metaphor in all of it. Maybe I am reading too much into it? I see conformity and social control. They tell us that in order for society to work we must conform, but we dont. We are like leaves dancing in the wind. Oh they try to tidy us away but we still keep dancing. A wise man knows that society with all its unruliness, difference and chaos is beautiful. The pure in heart will follow him doggedly...and so on. The story really intrigued me. I very much liked how you kept the straight lines in your presentation of the story...well done!
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devlon_goodman
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Post by devlon_goodman »

Nice, that the men were not judgmental of the non-chaser. Live and let live is such a strong ethic!
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KJJohnson_24
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Post by KJJohnson_24 »

I love it. I'm curious about why you changed from past and present tense, but that's just a technical question.
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