LETTER TO MOM

[Bakang Lebang]

I cried for your helped, you did not hear me and i screamed to the top of my voice calling your name but you did not come. You said you will always be by my side every step of the way. You lied. I was there waiting for you, patiently with hope but you took my fragile heart and torn it into pieces. Now at night i sit at the corner of the bedroom hoping that i would hear you knock at my bedroom door to kiss me good night. "i feel so cold mommy, where are you?". I miss how you always tugged me to be bed, my blankets smelling like flowers and they felt really warm because you where there.
Now everything is going wrong. i wish i could tell you that i made t in life but i cant. I tell myself that things would have been different if you just made it home that one night. "One night, mom". But rather you decided to go get drunk with your friends and totally forgot about me. "I was all alone in that house, i made myself dinner, bath myself and finally put myself to bed. Through out the night all i heard was this creepy sounds and all those voices . I thought i was hallucinating but guess what mom i wasnt.

i remember that that morning i told you that you are the best mother in the whole wide world, i guess i was just lying to myself. I believe every single would you said "mother always knows best" they say. You lied to me . Now i live in agony and it never gets better because it keeps haunting me , no matter how much i try. Finally i went to theraphy . "you have always thought i needed one , right mother', so yes! I went there only to find a creepy old lady with yellow teeth and wrinkled skin. I poured my heart to her , hoping that your ghost would go away but i guess i had to deal with my own demons to.

He came home that night , around midnight.The moon was really bright. he aggresively knocked on the door, my heart started beating really fast and finally i got to the door only to find the man you said you loved the most. i think you know who i am talking about. he was looking for you, but a few seconds later me was looking for my panties. i run into my room, praying that you would come right through that door but you never did. John broke own my bedroom door and found me hidding under the blankets. i tried, i really tried to fight him to every little strength i had. but what can a 10 year old do to a 35 year old man. I lost the fight. He pressed me into the bed. i felt his penis in my throat. It was painful , i felt my leg muscle contracting, my vagina stretch it was as if i was getting cut into pieces. i tried to scream but he covered my help and himself into me. i cried. i screamed. But it was of no use. After an hour of misery he left my room. My bed was all covered in blood but i could not feel my legs. I passed out.

i woke up , only to find no one in my room. I thought you would be there but you where not there to say good morning to me. I needed you the most after I that night. i cleaned myself up and went down stares.

everyone was sad. To my suprise John also played said. then it clicked mommy did not come home last night. my face suddenly filled with anger , disappointment and agony. everything happened so fast. my aunt Anita broke the morning headlines that you were no longer alive. "Mom, i did not even know how to feel". Now i was gonna be left all alone with this monster of my step dad.

you told me that i would find you home when i got from school but i only found a letter saying that you will be home before 6pm but you were not there. Still you lied to me and now you expect me to live my life . "No!". This is not how you said my life will be , you always told me all about happy endings.

"Mom, where are you?".





to be continued...

[Bakang Lebang]

let me hear your thoughts if you like it, i will continue ...

[Geremew Dubale]

I ambitiously wait your next letter

[HA_Funk]

Peace child. What a wretched fulcrum of anger, fear, survival and death - very strong premise to develop. Many traumas can be resolved with therapy and this short reads like a step towards healing. Talk about it. Write some more.

[nana_spl]

That's so beautiful. I love the way letters just capture our hearts, that's divine.

[tatiane_mr]

Such a history! Congrats!

I don't know if it's real, it could demand hard therapy to understand all the feelings and emotions. Writing is the best one I know, but everyone deserves assistance.

Unfortunately, and with all the respect regarding the author's background, when reading something we are willing to understand the characters. To deal with our mess is already enough, we want some explanations, regardless they are not about our own.

It's not a criticism, it's the opposite: Go deeper! To the roots, not to the leaves 🍂

Ps: Enjoy Re-reading and correcting some mistakes that could be hindering the main message of the letter.