Finding Louise's Voice

[KFree_Reads]

He was only a few years older than me but I know the moment had forced its way between us like an uninvited guest. He stroked my face and my lips parted but my breath it seemed had stopped. I became aware of the unceremonious bulge throbbing just below my waist. He possessed me long enough to keep even my screams, gasps and cries captive. While he fumbled with his belt, I stood there breathless, waiting but not
impatiently. It was the sound of his zipper that alerted me the deed was done. I once believed that your first time would be memorable, passionate and magical, not quick, hurried and gut-wrenching - literally. Except this was a different kind of first time. It was
certainly not what I expected or with whom I had dreamed - definitely not my boss and not in this cramped space he calls an office. We experience many ‘firsts’ in our lives, but there are some ‘firsts’ that no one should want to experience. "Wait here" he said, unable
to peel his eyes away from me. It's not like there was much to see, my skirt was only a few inches higher than where they usually are and my button-down blouse was not undone. While I waited as if compelled to, my brain decided to allow me to think. He returned before the thought could compose itself with a document bulky enough to be a
contract. His two-word sentences were always guaranteed, the words "Sign here"
dropped heavily from his lips. Without hesitation I gave him consent to steal my voice, once again, like the Little Mermaid who bartered her silence for a new pair of legs. The only problem is, look where my legs got me. With the strength I found to walk away, I smoothed out my skirt, grabbed my purse and walked into the dark hallway mirroring the darkness that had found its way inside me. It was going to be a night to remember for the many nights to come as I try make myself forget I just was raped.

I had requested over time the week before so I suppose you could go ahead and say I knew it was coming. Yes, he would spend a few lingering minutes at my desk asking me how my day was going but I was too polite to ask “don't you have other employees to check in on?”. There was also the platonic pat on the shoulder which should translate “You’re doing a great job Louise!” He was delighted that I had taken interest in
capitalizing on the extra hours. I had only been working there for three months but I knew that hard work would get me far, it always had. "It'll be a great opportunity for you Louise, you'll see." But I think I saw too much.

My resignation letter came like a dagger. He said he was disappointed to see me go. He even had the nerve to add " I hope my moment of weakness had nothing to do with your decision." As if it would not have been sole the reason. I would cope. No. I had to cope with what had happened. But it was providing for my daughter that made me worry, but not regret my decision. Jeffrey left just a few months before she was born. That was 10 years ago. He told me quite bluntly, "I'm just not ready to be a father". The last I heard was he had "moved on". Whatever that means. I had moved on too for a long time, until last week Friday when my feet stopped carrying me, at least that’s what it felt like. That night Amanda was already sound asleep. I tried hard not wake her with the sound of the shower or my tears. The next morning, we talked over breakfast in our usual animated way, I packed her lunch and dropped her at school. It was that same Monday morning I notified my boss that I was leaving. It was great doing the leaving for once. But this one time had strings attached like nightmares clawing at me in the dark and memories monopolizing my days. My new routine includes visits to my therapist who reassures me it'll get better with time, but time can you make an exception for me and speed up the healing process? I've always considered myself to be a strong woman but strong has nothing to do with rape - obviously. No, it's who has the power that matters. It's who overpowered who that matters. It's who signs the check that matters. It doesn't matter what I had accomplished and how hard I worked in undergraduate and graduate school. It's who says " you're hired". I refuse to accept that though. I've been victimized by these binding powers. And perhaps I gave up that power when I signed that "under special conditions" confidentiality agreement that night. There was nothing special about it, just a forceful way of saying "I got what I wanted now shut up and forget about it". I know I'm not the first, yet I feel so alone and voiceless.

And there it was one afternoon while I slouched over the kitchen counter staring blankly at the TV, like a hand to hold, she said, "he did to me as well". I jolted when heard her words and then I realized she was there to pull me out of this dark hole I had hid myself. She was talking about a “him”, but it felt like she was talking about the one I knew. The truth is they are all the same. She was beautiful and much younger than myself but yet she reclaimed her voice even after 5 years of silence. What was my excuse? I've already lost everything except, my will to reclaim the part of me I lost, my voice. In the interview, she held her head high as she recounted the details as if to say “I know they'll say my story is too late to be true but I'm here because there's more like me and there's more like him”. A true heroine. I felt like I had borrowed her body to tell my story. But it's time I did it myself. I reached for the phone, moved out of my slouching position. The voice on the line said "Hi, how may I help you?" to which I bravely replied "I am Louise and I was raped by my boss a month ago". And so, the story unfolds.

By Kedeisha Freeman

[Liyah_252001]

it was great! It telling a message to all women that you don't have to be quite, and that you are not the only one. I loved it.

[Epuise]

This story was fantastically written. Definitely captured her position and her feelings, though personally i would have loved if you went deeper into her feelings. Her disgust, Her rage, her worry, and her rising courage. It would have allowed the reader to be more relieved when she finally collected her voice.

[KFree_Reads]

it was great! It telling a message to all women that you don't have to be quite, and that you are not the only one. I loved it.

Thank you! That was definitely my intent. Glad it was a good read for you.

[KFree_Reads]

This story was fantastically written. Definitely captured her position and her feelings, though personally i would have loved if you went deeper into her feelings. Her disgust, Her rage, her worry, and her rising courage. It would have allowed the reader to be more relieved when she finally collected her voice.

Thank you so much for your feedback. It's a great help to my development as a writer.

[Badmus_Dare]

This is one of those good ways people write that make them a writer. I love the expression and the professionalism in the structures. Trust me- you're a writer, a good one.

[KFree_Reads]

This is one of those good ways people write that make them a writer. I love the expression and the professionalism in the structures. Trust me- you're a writer, a good one.

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words!