Trying to prevent the inevitable.

[ncoard]

I find myself gripping tight to you when we’re curled around each other with our clothes shed
and skin pressed so tight together that it’s hard to feel where you end, and I begin.
I grip so tight I’m afraid I’ll leave bruises, ones I can’t kiss away.
I don’t want to be another person who leaves behind too many scars.
I don’t want my hands to feel so much like knives when I touch you.

And this isn’t to say that I think you’re breakable, or that you’re skin is too thin,
or that you aren’t so much stronger than you should ever need to be.

This is to say that I’ve been told that my body is something to be wanted,
to be devoured, to be torn apart
and sloppily stitched back together by my own trembling hands when they’re done.
And I have been put on the butchers block too many times before.
I know how that song goes. I know the words too well. 
I know the tune better than I know my own voice some days.

But there has to be an encore. Something has to come after.
That something has rooted itself in my chest, 
poisoning everything inside of me,
turning everything inside into darkness,
bit
by
bit.

That something is what turns the girl from victim to monster,
that turns her from something unloved to something unworthy of love 
(or maybe I was both 
all along).

I’ve been devoured whole over and over again, baby 
and I’m so scared that this hunger resting deep in my gut 
could turn me into the monsters I’ve feared. 
I’m terrified that what has been done, has ingrained itself 
into the hands that hold you, 
into the lips that kiss you, 
into the skin you touch, 
into the eyes you see.

What if these teeth marks turn into some tragic back story about how I became the beast?
About how I became the thing that destroys, and tears apart?
What if I’m not worth trusting? 
What if those promises were made while my mouth was full of blood?

[Dragonsend]

Interesting, not to be coy but maybe in love and trust you need to let go a little. Or so the story implies. Tearing at each other, no that doesn't sound good and then tearing at the things around you even worse. Sounds toxic!