I'm Sorry

[Keira Kley]

I'm Sorry

Here's something I wrote at the request of my friend. Enjoy.

Life - the beauty of the thought
Once caused my soul to leap for joy.
Another day, another chance
To conquer every daunting peak.
But something came, so quietly
And inched its way into my soul.
A little here, a little there,
It worked itself into my being.
It stole my laughter, joy, and hope,
Then whispered deep within my soul,
”You’re worthless, unlovable, don’t you know
”How all you ever do is fail?”
These words, they carved a pathway deep,
First in my mind, then on my skin.
I fought to banish every word,
Ignore its constant inner cries.
In vain it was! For I’ve begun
To view its wretched voice as truth.
I should have stopped it, foolish child,
But still, it grows with every day.
And now, I’m sorry, everyone.
I’m sorry I will never have
The laugh that used to fill my soul.
I’m sorry joy has left this heart —
The thing I used to cherish close.
I’ve crushed your hopes, shattered dreams,
Broken every hopeful plan.
I’m sorry that I didn’t stop it,
The monster lurking in my veins.
It filled my mind so gradually,
I thought it came to do me good.
Alas! it didn’t, and here I am —
A wretched soul lost in its grip.
I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused,
For breaking every fragile life.
I don’t know how to rip it out,
As every day it grows in size.
It’s taking over every thought,
I’m losing focus in its grasp.
Still, every day it comes more near,
I hear it breathing in my ears.
I’m scared but don’t know how to change.
I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done,
I’m sorry that matter what
I’ll never be enough for you.
I’m too far gone, life’s run away,
But maybe, if it took control,
My life would not be such a failure.
Some day it might just be too late,
It might have claimed my empty life.
And if the day dawns without me,
Please don’t feel bad, I’m better off
Than on the wretched earth beneath.
Just please believe this rueful cry
How I regret I’ll never be
The girl I always wished I was.