Just Like A Pig

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Cat Suelo
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Just Like A Pig

Post by Cat Suelo »

and so you died watching the sky above you.
all your life you've watched only the earth you've trodden upon.
you saw the dust coat your whole being, the smoke envelop your world.
you've prayed to see what you haven't seen, you survive for the sake of surviving.
you've got nothing, no hope, no peace, no joy.
you never had needs, only wants.
your religion only exists for as long as you need it.
you breathe without knowing your existence.
you don't have a potential.
nothing's essential.
you don't care if it's a sunset or a sunrise.
you don't hate and you never love.
all you are capable of doing is existing.
you're a pathetic excuse for living.
and so on the last day of your life, your only wish came true.
you rolled on your back on the meadows of a bright blue sky.
you died watching the sky above you.
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DarkestbeforeDawn
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Post by DarkestbeforeDawn »

As sombre and crestfallen as this poem is, I still enjoy it. A lot of people can relate to this because sometimes we just forget about the difference between surviving and being alive. Keep up the good work!
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CCtheBrave
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Post by CCtheBrave »

I like that this poem doesn't have a happy ending or an overall uplifting message. I think it's important for poetry to sometimes highlight topics/habits/happenings that get swept under the rug. I enjoyed the beginning & ending of the poem very much
read well and write bravely
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Genaaa
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Post by Genaaa »

I think this is definitely something extremely controversial. The difference between just existing and actually living is something that has been debated about for quite some time.
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DATo
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Post by DATo »

Exceptionally well written in my opinion. Powerful, harsh but still extremely engaging.

(In the second to last sentence I would change "of" to "under".)
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
― Steven Wright
EmiOllie
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Post by EmiOllie »

I actually love this. I relate to it personally- it's a strong reminder to live passionately instead of letting life pass you by. It hits hard.
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