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I cannot help but stop and look at brightest star.
Do stars make you shiver?
Do they?

Pay attention to the moonlight,
The moonlight is the most dappled work of all.
Does the moonlight make you shiver?
Does it?

Eclipse is,in its way, the dim analysis of abrupt change.
Down,down,down into the darkness of the eclipse,
Gently it goes- the half size ,the picayune ,the bitty.

It's not all the way there as yet it just need to be work on a bit more

I like the way the eclipse is described.
Grammatical errors need to be fixed: the first line (at the brightest star? Brightest stars?) It's confusing.
He imagery is great, and yes, they do make me shiver.

I like it a lot. I wonder if it's gone through any editing yet?