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Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Samwisekoop
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Post by Samwisekoop »

Busy hallways
Laundry towers
Misplaced car keys
Wildflowers
Up upon the window sill
And more upon the backyard hills.

Broken windows
Mismatch bedsheets
Handmade pillows
Little bare feet
Up against the off white walls.
Fights and laughter, Mother's calls.

Another world within the rush
Of the fuss and bother, such and such.
A haven of souls, its Neverland
Where children are flying, hand in hand.
The lighthouse upon the stormy seas.
The ones to go to when all else cease.
Every inch of my soul cries
Home.

Friendship bracelets
Scratched up CDs
Music favorites
Remotes for TV.
Settings of every kind.
Just another thing to find.

Shelves and shelves of baby dolls
Bicycles all in the yard
Buckets full of basketballs
Only 51 playing cards.
Bleeding chins and bruising knees.
ABCs and 1-2-3s.
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
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ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
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Post by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes »

It is amazing, how you captured the childish fancy of one longing for home. I almost feel home-sick myself, though those things and circumstances are no longer extant, in my case. But the nostalgia will always be there. Perhaps you also want to convey how progress has done its course, and new technology all but rendered the other things we have cherished in the past, obsolete. The rhymes are pleasant audio factors for this poem being read out loud. I like it.
"In the beginning was the word.........John 1:1"
...To delineate the times that lovers miss,
...A thousand dreams can't beat a single kiss.

-reyvrex (Love Sonnet 107)
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Samwisekoop
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Post by Samwisekoop »

Thank you for your comment and advice! I never considered adding the progress thing...now you really have me thinking! Thank you so much! Stay safe!
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
Sumansona1344
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Post by Sumansona1344 »

This is too good! I loved how you wrote it! When I was reading it, I could feel and see the poetry as a movie. (I know this sounds weird but I always see words like a movie whenever I read something too good)
It is relatable in a sad way because I always wanted a childhood like that. I never got though. So, I am feeling happy and hurt at the same moment.
You are really great at making the reader feel the emotions which you want to convey. I hope I get to read more of your writings!
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Samwisekoop
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Post by Samwisekoop »

I'm sorry that it made you hurt....I didn't mean to....I'm glad you liked it though! The whole movie thing is understandable! I kinda do too...some of my siblings think the same way too! Haha! I am very blessed to have such a good childhood, I am SO SORRY that you didn't! Now, you are making me hurt! Yeah, I plan to post a few more today or tomorrow, so tune in later or whatever!
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
Sumansona1344
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Post by Sumansona1344 »

Samwisekoop wrote: 29 May 2020, 13:23 I'm sorry that it made you hurt....I didn't mean to....I'm glad you liked it though! The whole movie thing is understandable! I kinda do too...some of my siblings think the same way too! Haha! I am very blessed to have such a good childhood, I am SO SORRY that you didn't! Now, you are making me hurt! Yeah, I plan to post a few more today or tomorrow, so tune in later or whatever!
Nah, you didn't hurt me. It is just me who still wants to have that. I know it is not possible now because I am not a child anymore. So, it is okay!
I surely will!
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Samwisekoop
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Post by Samwisekoop »

Okay, good! Stay safe!
"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future." - Galadriel
Sumansona1344
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Post by Sumansona1344 »

Samwisekoop wrote: 29 May 2020, 13:45 Okay, good! Stay safe!
Thank you and you too!
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