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The Strength of the Earth / The Lights of the Sky
Posted: 29 May 2020, 20:59
by Samwisekoop
May heartache make you strong
May love find you one your journey long
May the stars dry you every tear
May the flowers bloom all the year
May courage guide every step.
May light shine in the darkest corner
May the hope of dawn follow you o'er every border
May your heart not fall idle
May you break the cage with every mile
May love guide every step.
Re: The Strength of the Earth / The Lights of the Sky
Posted: 30 May 2020, 05:19
by Sumansona1344
Your poems are too good. I think the rhyming does not match in the second amd third last lines - ".....fall idle" and "....every mile". I am not sure if I am right because I have no experience in this.
Re: The Strength of the Earth / The Lights of the Sky
Posted: 30 May 2020, 10:11
by Samwisekoop
Yeah, it is...I think the third line is too long to match with the pattern of the second line...but...I just liked the lines so much I didn't want to change them! Haha! I think the actual words rhyme though...do they? Does this sound better...?
"May your heart never fall idle
May you break the cage with every mile."
Thanks for your kind words AND the advice! I am always in need of honest advice! Thanks! Tell me if it is better or unchanged. If you have a suggestion, don't be afraid to pitch it to me! Stay safe! (Trust me, I don't have much experience either. I'm winging it. Haha!)
Re: The Strength of the Earth / The Lights of the Sky
Posted: 10 Jun 2020, 21:28
by ReyvrexQuestor Reyes
Samwisekoop wrote: ↑30 May 2020, 10:11
Yeah, it is...I think the third line is too long to match with the pattern of the second line...but...I just liked the lines so much I didn't want to change them! Haha! I think the actual words rhyme though...do they? Does this sound better...?
"May your heart never fall idle
May you break the cage with every mile."
Thanks for your kind words AND the advice! I am always in need of honest advice! Thanks! Tell me if it is better or unchanged. If you have a suggestion, don't be afraid to pitch it to me! Stay safe! (Trust me, I don't have much experience either. I'm winging it. Haha!)
You are safe in this -- there is always
free verse. What is important is the idea. You can express it any way it suits you. That is the beauty of poetry. In my case, I write in rhymes because I want to up the ante, as in a stake in the gambling table, making it more challenging. Maybe I'm just jaded on prose. Write on. And more power.
Re: The Strength of the Earth / The Lights of the Sky
Posted: 11 Jun 2020, 11:57
by Samwisekoop
ReyvrexQuestor Reyes wrote: ↑10 Jun 2020, 21:28
Samwisekoop wrote: ↑30 May 2020, 10:11
Yeah, it is...I think the third line is too long to match with the pattern of the second line...but...I just liked the lines so much I didn't want to change them! Haha! I think the actual words rhyme though...do they? Does this sound better...?
"May your heart never fall idle
May you break the cage with every mile."
Thanks for your kind words AND the advice! I am always in need of honest advice! Thanks! Tell me if it is better or unchanged. If you have a suggestion, don't be afraid to pitch it to me! Stay safe! (Trust me, I don't have much experience either. I'm winging it. Haha!)
You are safe in this -- there is always
free verse. What is important is the idea. You can express it any way it suits you. That is the beauty of poetry. In my case, I write in rhymes because I want to up the ante, as in a stake in the gambling table, making it more challenging. Maybe I'm just jaded on prose. Write on. And more power.
Okay, thanks! Good point you made, though.