Untitled

[thisgirl818]

here I am
walking down the aisle
holding a bouquet
dressed in white
tears falling
the sad tragedy
of walking down
this gold spun aisle
adorned with roses
is watching your love
take his vows to another
as you bring them
the rings that will
tie them forever

[Alexondra]

You capture the emotion well. I love the imagery and the description (gold spun isle). I can put myself there in the moment.... I can picture the glorious tragedy.

I would perhaps reorder the lines though, so as to make the imagery more fluid..... and I would recommend a couple of edits as well - just to express time and place yourself more clearly in the scene and also to convey the resigned and lovelorn passivity in the emotion. Lastly, I would suggest that you drop the repeat about walking down the isle, or frame it differently

For example:

Here I am,
holding a bouquet...
walking down
this gold spun aisle...

Adorned with roses,
dressed in white...

tears falling
as 'they' (*1) bring the rings that will tie you(*2) forever.

What (*3) sad tragedy
(*4) watching you (*5),
My love, (*6)
take 'your' (*7) vows to another
{*1 replace: "you"}
{*2 [strike:"them"]}
{*3 replace: "the"}
{*4 [strike: "is"]}
{*5 replace: "your love"}
{*6 insert: "my love"}
{*7 replace: "his"}



So it would read:

Here I am,
holding a bouquet...
walking down
this gold spun aisle.

Adorned with roses,
dressed in white...

Tears falling,
as they bring the rings that will tie you forever.

What sad tragedy...
watching you....
My Love,
take your vows to another.




Your style is definitely more modern and free verse poetry is more prevalent. Much like abstract art, I say it's perfectly YOU and you needn't change a thing about your style. These are just a few tips from a natural storyteller and empath. Thank you for sharing! And never stop writing and learning .

[PeterRabitt20]

And I just finished watching My Best Friend's Wedding! Tears, tears, tears. Great poem!