On the Corners of Serenities

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Karen Gurtiza
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On the Corners of Serenities

Post by Karen Gurtiza »

As I close my eyes, I see
Memories of you and me
Found myself smiling
Then you're slowly fading

Your voice was my music
Now it makes me sick
Your face that I used to daydream
Now gives me the reason to scream

If before I wish you to stay
Now I want you far away
Sometimes nothing's permanent
So now I'm just...enjoying the moment
Sherry Barrow
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Post by Sherry Barrow »

Love the strong self-affirmation of the closing line. I found myself conflicted right along with you as I was reading your poem. I also felt a great relief, a shedding of the weight of all the "stuff" of the type of relationship your work described. I felt I had achieved "closure" when I read, "So now I'm just...enjoying the moment." And I experienced a satisfying sigh with that final period. My shoulders relaxed as I envisioned your very great relief in the conclusion of the events you described. I have no way of knowing whether this was something you actually experienced in your life or a train of thought that came to you by seeing it in the life of another. However, you captured and expressed the turmoil and stress beautifully. The conclusion was exceptionally executed.
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