Than We Ever

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Scott
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Than We Ever

Post by Scott »

I wrote this today. Let me know what you think!


---


When my brain starts to slip
And my body's not so fit

Maybe I'll be more me than I ever was

When wrinkles most distort my face
So much one can't even recognize it

Maybe you'll see me more than you ever did

As the big house crumbles
And the shades fall down
As the cold breeze gets in
And the locks give out

Maybe I'll be more home than I ever was

When the body fades
And the ashes fly
And all that's left
Is the memory

Maybe I'll be with you more than I ever was



---

Image
"That virtue we appreciate is as much ours as another's. We see so much only as we possess." - Henry David Thoreau

"Non ignara mali miseris succurrere disco." Virgil, The Aeneid
Reva Parker
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Post by Reva Parker »

I like it, but it's kind of sad too. Too often I think we're so busy trying to make the outside look good, we forget about the inside. Also, the last part reminds me of my mom. She's 91 and has dementia. She has good days and bad days, but the memories of how she was sometimes hit me hard.
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mrlefty0706
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Post by mrlefty0706 »

I had to stop and think about each one except the last one since cremation may be the last act but if a loved one keeps the ashes they will think about you whenever they walk into the room where the urn is displayed.
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Post by GorgeousRen »

This made me emotional.
bibimahkh1960
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Post by bibimahkh1960 »

We are, indeed, much more than our physical selves, especially our external appearances. Strip away all the facades to understand who we truly are.

I like it, Scott!
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Stephanie Runyon
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Post by Stephanie Runyon »

Truth shows in this; people don't think about others as much when they are alive. However, upon death, we gather and think of the person because we can no longer see them physically.
"Facts don't care about feelings." Ben Shapiro
"Don't try to keep up with me, I live on the edge too thin to see." Ryan Upchurch
"See, one man's inconvenience is another's joy." NF
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Post by Asma Aisha Ansari »

I don't why but these lines reminded me of One Hundred Years of Solitude.
Imagination is a good servant, and a bad master. - Agatha Christie
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Post by Ameen Rizq »

Though the sadness it conveys to a reader, but it urges the one to do good deeds during his life so that others will remember him with kindness after his death.
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G D H
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Post by G D H »

Some say it takes being to be, others say it takes doing to be. One thing I know is man cannot always do, but he can always be. Those who can outsee the mortality of everyone else and their own are rare and blessed indeed. Man’s gratitude and memory are short-lived—neither can be counted on. What, I wonder, is the greatest good a man can do in his lifetime for all mankind? And why, I ask, do we all share a common fear of being forgotten someday after our demise?
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MnRen91
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Post by MnRen91 »

This is beautiful. It reminds me of patients I worked with when I first started nursing and the rare lucid moments when they would realize what was going on. Reading this I felt my heart grip. The words almost felt haunted, but I loved it!
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Ma Leonarda Castañares
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Post by Ma Leonarda Castañares »

This piece HURTS.
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