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Slightly Incoherent

Posted: 06 Apr 2015, 16:43
by Hailey Michelle
To l-o-o-k is hardly e’er to see
To learn is ne’er to know
I’d ask you to stay here with me
But then you’d surely go

To hear is not to listen
To touch is not to feel
It seems the stars do glisten
But that is hardly real

To think is rather thoughtless
To deny is to accept
She told me to be c a u t i o u s
That’s one promise that I’ve kept

These words aren’t very truthful
though I can’t say that I’ve lied
Our corrosive thoughts are mutual
and they’re freezing up the tide.

Re: Slightly Incoherent

Posted: 07 Apr 2015, 07:03
by CloudedRune
Ooooh I like this a lot!

Re: Slightly Incoherent

Posted: 12 Apr 2015, 17:17
by s_curley
Stunning!

Re: Slightly Incoherent

Posted: 20 Apr 2015, 14:38
by teacher_jane1
I liked that you chose to rhyme this poem. It gave structure and consistency, which is a nice contract to the title and subject matter. If you'd used free verse I think this would have been too scattered, but your ABAB scheme is good! Nice job.

Re: Slightly Incoherent

Posted: 18 Jun 2015, 14:32
by johappy
This is awesome because of the rhyme pattern. That makes poems so much more entertaining to read! Great job!

Re: Slightly Incoherent

Posted: 18 Jun 2015, 18:22
by Serena_Charlotte
I'm very impressed at its depth and truthfulness. Great job!