Do you know you are not my Father?

[Jordanbates91]

This was a poem that I wrote two years ago for my poetry class in college. I have made many changes to it over the years. I was wanting to get some feedback to what others though about it.

Do you know you are not my Father?

Why did I go to church every Wednesday?
Why did I cling to that Bible,
the one that still sits beside my bed?
Why did I fight for a belief that hurt me?

How could I have wasted my time praying to you each day?
How could I have believed that you listened,
that you cared about me, one in billions?
How could I have listened to my friends,
who said you could help me,
when you only made things worse?

Do you know what you did to me?
Do you know that I still blame myself?
Do you know that I regret every second I hadn’t sped faster,
that I should have gotten home sooner,
that I wish it hadn’t taken fifteen minutes?

Was this supposed to make me stronger?
Was I supposed to be the last one he spoke to?
Was I supposed to be the one to find him dead,
lying on the floor with no other hope than me?
Was I supposed to learn something?
Was I supposed to feel that much pain
when I had to call my brother,
and waited fours hours
for the phone to ring from my mother in Italy?

Couldn’t you have given us graduation,
or my wedding,
and the father-daughter dance?
Did you know that was all he ever wanted?
Couldn’t you have given us at least that?

[Ealasaid]

Thank you for posting. This is a very heart wrenching poem, and I obviously sense some religious undertones throughout it. I hope that composing it was a cathartic experience for you.

[suzy1124]

[quote="Ealasaid"]Thank you for posting. This is a very heart wrenching poem, and I obviously sense some religious undertones throughout it. I hope that composing it was a cathartic experience for you.

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Yess!....sooooo poignant...