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Hey, people! I wrote this last year and it's my favourite poem. Please let me know what you think!

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To My Ex Husband,

I notice the books on the shelf aligned
To the edge. The knives, forks and spoons
All know their place. The towels hang folded
On the radiator, and shoes embrace. I catch
Words from my mouth like insects
And bottle them up:
Puerile, selfish, neglectful --
All yours. I kept the gestures you gave me.
My hands are not my own; my language
Is yours -- they go in the box. A break.
You said to try two sugars instead of one --
The second still makes it the more sweet.
The music … I hated jazz before its swing
Propelled me into your stride. You hated opera.
I never loved poetry, but to you I address this.
The book of sonnets will stay -- the rest will go.
Your clothes, pictures, jewellery, sprays, films,
Gadgets -- all in the box. The sonnets will stay.

By ryanj1

Very nice! I particularly liked your metaphorical allusions regarding the "box" and the "sonnets" - the "box" suggests to me a discarding and dismissal of unwanted "acquisitions", and the "sonnets" as a symbol of the remembrance of the sweetness of a love that once existed between the narrator and her former spouse.

Nice indeed. Well done!

DATo wrote:Very nice! I particularly liked your metaphorical allusions regarding the "box" and the "sonnets" - the "box" suggests to me a discarding and dismissal of unwanted "acquisitions", and the "sonnets" as a symbol of the remembrance of the sweetness of a love that once existed between the narrator and her former spouse.

Yes, that's very right, DATo. I was particularly concerned with the ways in which, by the end of a marriage, things become solely material as opposed to the purely romantic, abstract appreciation of relationships at the beginning. Hence, the juxtaposition of concrete and abstract nouns and the various ways in which they become blurred. Thanks for your kind words

gali wrote:Nice indeed. Well done!

Thanks, gali. I'm glad you enjoyed it

ryanj1 wrote:
Yes, that's very right, DATo. I was particularly concerned with the ways in which, by the end of a marriage, things become solely material as opposed to the purely romantic, abstract appreciation of relationships at the beginning. Hence, the juxtaposition of concrete and abstract nouns and the various ways in which they become blurred. Thanks for your kind words

Wow, that's brilliant. I've never even articulated that thought in my head, but you're right about romantic material.

Wonderful Ryan! I feel the box is symbolic of the discarding of all material things from the marriage. The sonnets were a memory of the romantic feelings when things were good in the relationship. It's so true that people get sentimental about certain things when a relationship is over. It could be a little souvenir from an earlier romantic trip, a perfume due to the scent it evokes from happier times, that kind of stuff. I was very moved by your poem.

zeldas_lullaby wrote:

ryanj1 wrote:
Yes, that's very right, DATo. I was particularly concerned with the ways in which, by the end of a marriage, things become solely material as opposed to the purely romantic, abstract appreciation of relationships at the beginning. Hence, the juxtaposition of concrete and abstract nouns and the various ways in which they become blurred. Thanks for your kind words

Wow, that's brilliant. I've never even articulated that thought in my head, but you're right about romantic material.

Thanks, zeldas. I'm very glad that you appreciated it

bookowlie wrote:Wonderful Ryan! I feel the box is symbolic of the discarding of all material things from the marriage. The sonnets were a memory of the romantic feelings when things were good in the relationship. It's so true that people get sentimental about certain things when a relationship is over. It could be a little souvenir from an earlier romantic trip, a perfume due to the scent it evokes from happier times, that kind of stuff. I was very moved by your poem.

Thank you very much, bookowlie. I'm very pleased that you enjoyed it too

You need to post another poem!

bookowlie wrote:You need to post another poem!

I haven't written another good enough yet

Your other poems are probably just as good. I mean, you are the Grandmaster. However, you are not the Gravymaster like Gravy is. ha ha ha

HA HA! I struggled with this issue back when I wrote poems (which was a long time ago--haven't written any lately). For some reason, there was a lot of hit-or-miss. I'd write a great one, an awful one, a mediocre one, etc. It was entirely different than writing structured fiction, and I can't grasp why.

bookowlie wrote:Your other poems are probably just as good. I mean, you are the Grandmaster. However, you are not the Gravymaster like Gravy is. ha ha ha

I have one that I like, but it's rather controversial. I just wonder whether posting it would be advisable

zeldas_lullaby wrote:HA HA! I struggled with this issue back when I wrote poems (which was a long time ago--haven't written any lately). For some reason, there was a lot of hit-or-miss. I'd write a great one, an awful one, a mediocre one, etc. It was entirely different than writing structured fiction, and I can't grasp why.

Right on, zeldas! I think it's so different because poetry relies heavily on imagery and making sure that everything is in the right place because it's such a compact form, whereas prose allows the writer more room to flex because of its length. It's easier to recognize as trite phrase (for example) in a poem because it's surrounded tightly by other images, phrases etc. which have to be direct and clear, unlike prose which will contain all sorts of repeated phrases such as "he said", "he did so and so", he "felt thus" which are essentially quite drab, although very useful

ryanj1 wrote:
Right on, zeldas! I think it's so different because poetry relies heavily on imagery and making sure that everything is in the right place because it's such a compact form, whereas prose allows the writer more room to flex because of its length. It's easier to recognize as trite phrase (for example) in a poem because it's surrounded tightly by other images, phrases etc. which have to be direct and clear, unlike prose which will contain all sorts of repeated phrases such as "he said", "he did so and so", he "felt thus" which are essentially quite drab, although very useful

Wow, deep thoughts. I have a hard time recalling, but I don't think my poems were ever that good! They were mostly sappy, I think! :geek:

Actually, when I write novels, I too have noticed what you commented on--the repeated phrases, "He said," etc. My initial drafts were full of those! Said, said, said, said, said! I finally grabbed a thesaurus and went to town. I'm currently working on a document that will ultimately have a long list of synonyms for "said." Argued, announced, commented, asked, insisted, badgered, parroted, sneered, etc. It makes the reading so much more fresh, I think. I shudder now at my initial drafts.

This was very nice I loved the word choices you used.

JessieTurner1324 wrote:This was very nice I loved the word choices you used.

Thanks, Jessie. I'm happy you enjoyed it