The Lake

Melissa-C-Water · Post by **Melissa-C-Water** » 13 Jul 2015, 19:22

The lake

The lake lay calm beneath the mist
Beneath the sun that morning kissed
Becoming weary as I neared
A thirst for things I should have feared
I grew tired on my quest
But without answers found no rest
At the waters edge I kneeled down
To touch the place they saw me drown
The water shimmered across the lake
It hid the life it tried to take
Below the surface, a child appeared
She rose to where the mist had cleared
A face like the girl I used to be
I knew the child I saw was me
Eyes like ice caught in a storm
Too fierce for any tears to form
As she sunk I caught her hand
Tried to bring her to the sand
I pulled with all the strength within
Failed and faced her subtle grin
With water spilling past her lips
She released my trembling fingertips
My breath was deep as silence broke
She held my eyes in hers and spoke
"You think you're strong but its a lie
You lost the will to even try
But Im the keeper of the past
Im the breath that couldn't last
Im the part of you that died
I'm the reason you survived
You seek the secrets I could tell
Of these I'm deeper than the well
I remember when you found
The terror as you nearly drowned
I remember all the painful ways
You lost your mind to grief that stays
Are these the things you want to know?
The answers that will help you grow?
Will you find a better life?
Will knowledge bleed away the strife?
Listen to what I have to say
You can't keep going on this way
Part of you stayed in the lake
With only so much your heart could take
You're the one I died to save
And now you come to seek my grave
You live to wonder of my death
To breathe what was my final breath
This lake is not the only thing
Your journey through this life can bring
Leave my breath and leave my grave
Use the second chance I gave
I beg to not be laid to waste
Give the life I lost a taste"

CCtheBrave · Post by **CCtheBrave** » 23 Sep 2015, 12:24

Hi! I like the idea of this poem, of being haunted by your past and coming back to it as a crutch. Have you thought about writing this outside of the parameters of rhyming meters?

Melissa-C-Water · Post by **Melissa-C-Water** » 23 Sep 2015, 12:31

I like rhyme quite a lot. I find it forces me to be more creative in order to be right with the last line.
Plus I think its pretty...lol

But I could always give it a go and see what comes of it without the rhyme.

CCtheBrave · Post by **CCtheBrave** » 23 Sep 2015, 16:35

If you feel compelled to rhyme and it helps you creatively, then by all means, rock on!

rssllue · Post by **rssllue** » 23 Sep 2015, 19:49

Very compelling. Nicely done!

DATo · Post by **DATo** » 26 Sep 2015, 15:58

Very nice poem. Reminds me a lot of Edna St. Vincent Millay's poem Renascence. Both are constructed with rhyming couplets and both share the same theme.

Melissa-C-Water · Post by **Melissa-C-Water** » 26 Sep 2015, 16:14

I had never heard of Renascence but just looked it up now and I agree there are similarities. Its funny because it was written almost a hundred years ago and I feel very understood by those words.

zeldas_lullaby · Post by **zeldas_lullaby** » 26 Sep 2015, 17:55

Wow, that's great! I love it. I love the rhyming and everything. And it's beautiful and captivating! Great job!!

Melissa-C-Water · Post by **Melissa-C-Water** » 26 Sep 2015, 17:58

Thanks Zeldas_Lullaby
Glad you liked it

helen-2905 · Post by **helen-2905** » 28 Sep 2015, 10:51

Very beautifully written, I love the rhymes and feel it really drew me into the poem. Loved it =)

zeldas_lullaby · Post by **zeldas_lullaby** » 28 Sep 2015, 11:29

I'm still loving it myself. This would be a fun poem for the author to print out with an image in the background, frame, and hang on the wall.

TRose73 · Post by **TRose73** » 03 Dec 2015, 15:49

This is an extremely beautiful piece of work. It gave me the shivers and resonated very well with me. Of course, being the critic that I am, I do say there are a few things I would change if it was one of my works.

"Below the surface, a child appeared
She rose to where the mist had cleared
A face like the girl I used to be
I knew the child I saw was me"

This part in particular. I felt momentarily cheated, as if a mystery had been denied me. However, that barely detracts from the complete work.

Keep writing! You've got something very good going on there.

AMDRAKE · Post by **AMDRAKE** » 04 Jan 2016, 14:15

Very compelling work. It brought strong emotion to the surface when I read it. Thank you for sharing.

falloutlunartic · Post by **falloutlunartic** » 14 Jan 2016, 20:31

Wow! That poem is really ... good! (I couldn't think of a better word

)

Melissa-C-Water · Post by **Melissa-C-Water** » 25 Jan 2016, 14:57

Thank you all for the nice comments. I read them all as they came in but didn't comment but I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and tell me your thoughts ; )