Subdued: My Poem

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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Msshannonperry
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Subdued: My Poem

Post by Msshannonperry »

A bloodstream full of tragedy,
I'm a walking travesty.
Bones created out of despair,
I often wonder whether I'm beyond repair.
A mind full of sadness and skin full of poison,
the desolation within me has arisen once again without reason.
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aparsons
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Post by aparsons »

Is this supposed to have a rhythm to it? I like the first two lines, but the other four don't share the flow of the lines. This has some really good potential, you should add onto it. Thank you for sharing!
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JAislynn
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Post by JAislynn »

Very moving! Free verse? It does feel it wants to be expanded, added to, as Aparsons suggested.
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