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Her Melody

Posted: 13 Apr 2016, 17:23
by BookHipster
She sings alone on her toes
Between blending bodies on a score
And a cold bottle in her hand
That delivers her spirit’s salvation.

Two blending bodies on a score,
She rocks in the rhythm of his aria.
He delivers her spirit’s salvation
In the berth between her legs.

She rocks to the rhythm of his aria,
A new secret that lies growing
From the berth between her legs.
He sails before her skin cools.

A new secret now lies growing
Where was once called home.
He sailed before the skin cooled
Leaving a melody on her hip.

Where she once called home
She sings alone on her toes
With Melody on her hip,
And a warm bottle in her hand.

Re: Her Melody

Posted: 14 Apr 2016, 19:19
by DATo
Nice! I like the way you played the word "melody" from a song to a baby girl. I also liked the transition from a cold bottle to a warm bottle. I like twists, or sudden revelations, and just when the reader is telling himself that he doesn't get it your last stanza asserts itself and explains the whole poem. I did take note of the word "alone" in that last stanza. Well done!

Re: Her Melody

Posted: 17 Apr 2016, 21:03
by BookHipster
Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm glad you liked my poem. :)

I wanted to put a note somewhere that this is a pantoum, which has a repeating format.

Re: Her Melody

Posted: 18 Apr 2016, 07:11
by Vermont Reviews
Very nice.