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Not the ending I asked for.
Posted: 18 May 2016, 06:43
by ncoard
flowers bloom shamelessly between your ribs,
growing & spreading vines through the cracks in your heart.
you hurt,
you hurt,
you hurt.
agony is settled beside your heart, in your lungs. BREATHING HAS GOTTEN HARDER RECENTLY.
this wasn’t how the tale was supposed to go,
you were supposed to hold your head high
& live a life of happiness but maybe you can’t,
maybe you’re mad at the world because it won’t let you.
YOU WANT A EASIER STORY, you want to breathe easier,
you want to walk into a dark room & not be terrified.
Re: Not the ending I asked for.
Posted: 29 May 2016, 23:04
by srm628
I like your poem! It has a lot of emotion. I really liked the repetitive of the "You hurt." I think it adds to the pain of the poem. My only critism is kind of a formattable thing. Do certain lines really have to be in all caps? What does it add? Some of the lines you have in all caps don't make sense to me? I'm guessing it supposed to add to the emotion, but not sure. Something to think about, but overall good. Good job!
Re: Not the ending I asked for.
Posted: 30 Sep 2016, 17:08
by Genaaa
I've responded to multiple of your poems before and every time, I become more and more surprised. You weave your words together so beautifully and when you read it, you can really feel the emotion that flows out of the poem.
Re: Not the ending I asked for.
Posted: 04 Nov 2016, 15:15
by Ljessup
I so enjoy your work! This is the second poem I've read by you that has caused me such emotion. Each time I read through it is more beautiful than the last time. I can see the emotion on the face of a handful of humans as I dive into this poem. I can feel the hurt that's just repetitive enough to make one realize this isn't crying over spoked milk. I can see the world standing in front of said person blocking any chance of reaching the upper hand they are supposed to carry themselves with. The last line, "you want to walk in a dark room and not be terrified" is so stabbing for the ending. It seals it with a lovely and powerful blow. It is so easy to relate to which such complex meaning that it causes an unbelievable amount of emotion that one has to define for their own lives. Thank you for allowing me to indulge. I'd love to read more. Keep it up!
Latoshia