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Embrace
Posted: 30 Oct 2016, 00:32
by Aohanlon86
To feel warm and safe in your embrace is like heaven I never know. What I thought was love was not. As we talk and walk. I realized that we could of met a lot sooner if I made different choices. That doesn't matter now cause I am now warm and safe in your embrace
Re: Embrace
Posted: 03 Nov 2016, 09:42
by Ljessup
I enjoy the simplicity of this poem. It is straight to the point without spiraling throughout. I would add some things here and there, for example, in your starting verse I would put an "a" in between "like" and "heaven." I would also change "of" to "have" after "could." I have never been a fan of "a lot," but that is just my own personal way of writing. I would go with something like "substantially" that way you can involve alliteration and get a crisp verse out of it. You could do more and still keep it to the point, but all in all the idea that you have portrayed is beautiful!
Latoshia