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Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 15 May 2017, 06:10
by ANDREW MBAGO
The alcoholic smell from you mouth
would make a little child drunk
or perhaps vomit the little milk
she has sucked and swallowed
from her mother's two padded breasts.

Re: Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 05 Jun 2017, 20:07
by Jaime Lync
Interesting... I have heard that some poets don't want people to ask them to make their poems longer but I think this poem can deliver an even greater message with a few more lines. it is good but it doesn't seem to be finished. Just my two cents.

Re: Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 06 Jun 2017, 06:12
by ANDREW MBAGO
Thank you Jaime for taking your valuable time to read my poem.Your comments and thoughts are highly valued.I will do my level best to add more lines if that can flavor the poem.But some poems are always short and perhaps that is why some poets don't want to be asked to make their poems longer.

Keep reading!

Re: Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 08 Jun 2017, 07:11
by QueenAda
I had anticipated much more, actually opened with so much expectation but i guess those other words are yet to come.

Re: Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 12 Jun 2017, 05:48
by ANDREW MBAGO
Thank you Queen Ada for reading my poem.Your thoughts and feelings are taken into consideration.

Keep reading!

Re: Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 13 Jul 2017, 03:21
by Mashell Chapeyama
It is a well rounded poem.

Re: Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 13 Jul 2017, 03:54
by Ndalila Peter
I salute the writer, the poem is precise and delivers a great message. For sure may you receive my high five. I think it can give everyone an anxiety of reading. Keep it up

Re: Alcoholic Smell

Posted: 13 Jul 2017, 05:53
by ANDREW MBAGO
Many thanks Mashell for your comments.

Keep reading!

-- 13 Jul 2017, 05:58 --

Thank you Ndalila Peter for your thoughts and comments.I gladly take your high five with a slight pat on your back.

Keep reading!

-- 15 Jul 2017, 03:15 --

The alcoholic smell from your mouth
would make a little child drunk
or perhaps vomit the little milk
she has sucked and swallowed
from her mother's two padded breasts.

The little milk would help improve
the little child's health condition
and would help the little child grow healthy
so don't choke the little child
with your alcoholic breath.