A very gloomy poem

asiangirl22 · Post by **asiangirl22** » 12 Jun 2017, 01:42

Hi Everyone,

Want to share this poem I've written shortly after my brother died. He took his own life at a very young age. There were so many unanswered questions as to why he did it. But one thing was pretty obvious, he was not happy with his life. To help me bring closure, I wrote this poem for him to let him know I've understood his pain... Have to warn you though, it's pretty gloomy...

COME RAIN, COME HELL

Night is gone, dawn's breaking,
Up all night, body’s wandering;
Drunk, but can’t stop drinking,
High, but can’t stop smoking.

Grabbed a sandwich to eat,
Started heading to my street;
Listening to my heart beat;
Freezing from head to feet.

Body’s walking, brain’s dead,
Couldn’t wait to hit the bed;
Shut everyone, shut the world,
Heart has turned stone cold.

Blankly staring at the wall,
Trying to make sense of it all;
Many times I stumble and fall,
Right or wrong, t’was my call.

Lying here, eyes wide shut,
Blood’s flowing, wrist is cut;
Come rain, take all my pain,
Come hell, a soul you gain.

by asiangirl22

Czarmaine AM · Post by **Czarmaine AM** » 12 Jun 2017, 03:18

This is a heartbreakingly beautiful piece. I felt the emotion in every stanza.
Thank you for sharing this and I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. My deepest condolences.

asiangirl22 · Post by **asiangirl22** » 12 Jun 2017, 21:44

Thank you for your feedback czarmaineam

helenejike · Post by **helenejike** » 30 Jun 2017, 15:04

I read your poem and am transported back to the day my dad died. Really emotional and relatable.

asiangirl22 · Post by **asiangirl22** » 02 Jul 2017, 17:16

Hi Helenejike,

Yes, this piece is pretty emotional... Sorry for your loss..

Kalin Adi · Post by **Kalin Adi** » 02 Jul 2017, 17:29

Indeed a very gloomy poem. It's inevitable to feel the pain expressed in your verses. I'm very sorry you had to suffer the pain of losing a beloved one. My deepest condolences! But, keep writing more poems, it is a form to liberate your inner feelings.

sophiemer642 · Post by **sophiemer642** » 04 Jul 2017, 18:31

This poem is full of emotion and is very down to earth. This is a very depressing poem, and I feel like I felt your brother's pain. I also felt like the prologue you included where you tell us about your brother really helps us understand the poem and feel the emotions expresses in it.

Mashell Chapeyama · Post by **Mashell Chapeyama** » 06 Jul 2017, 09:47

The poet managed to create the right mood for the poem as he/she wrote about how a drunk person experiences. I like the concrete illustrations portrayed as well as the abstract connotations included in the story.

asiangirl22 · Post by **asiangirl22** » 11 Jul 2017, 23:23

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts about the poem.

MLAgard · Post by **MLAgard** » 12 Jul 2017, 05:31

Heart wrenching synopsis of depression. Sad that it is so true for you: it happened to someone you love. All the warning signs are stated. How can we share this before it happens to someone else? May your brother R.I.P.

asiangirl22 · Post by **asiangirl22** » 12 Jul 2017, 23:44

Hello MLAgard,

Thank you. Unfortunately some people are just so good at hiding their depression which my brother was. All his life he put on a facade of strength, confidence, happiness, and contentment. Little did we know that way deep inside he was tired of putting on a brave face. The truth is... he truly have never accepted his physical disability and cannot imagine anymore living life with crutches. After 21 years of suffering from hopelessness, inferiority, and uncertain future he decided he didn't want to go any further. He just wanted to lay down his suffering and forever rest in peace... I pray every day that God will save his soul and that one sweet day we will see each other again in heaven...