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Silence
Posted: 28 Jun 2017, 06:43
by helenejike
silence. I know it. For where I took life it was esteemed
a virtue it was tagged. surely not one I desired. Never mind
the good book says it's a measure of wisdom.but I have no use for such, I have too much ruggedness. but they call it virtue because I am a woman. I am female and must be virtuous.
Silence. I am female so I know it. the vocals of my chord burn
but silence caresses it to numbness. my throat is chafed but yet I must be silent. words are not my due. because my breasts fill with milk, my strength is in silence. but I have too much ruggedness. such strength do me no good.
It is because my breasts fill with milk that I know
I have been silent for long yet the nun knows I know
not virtue
but rather I am enraged because I have been caged
like a flame that cannot be quenched my rage burns
I fear yet pray for the day like a volcano it explodes
releasing hot fury of bound ideas and verbal magma.
Re: Silence
Posted: 28 Jun 2017, 06:57
by Kwamboka
sweet and short. The theme well portrayed. #womenempowerment
Re: Silence
Posted: 28 Jun 2017, 07:21
by helenejike
thanks.
Re: Silence
Posted: 28 Jun 2017, 07:53
by Kelebogile Mbangi
Wow! I love this poem. Its so relevant! A while back I became interested in reading about how life is for women in Afghanistan. Can you believe that under Taliban laws, women are not even allowed to be heard laughing? Imagine!
Re: Silence
Posted: 28 Jun 2017, 14:08
by helenejike
Thanks. There are lots of ridiculous things expected of women around the world.
Re: Silence
Posted: 29 Jun 2017, 11:00
by Vivian Paschal
Hey there! I come from where you come from, so I can totally relate. I love how you portrayed the theme so well. And it's such a relevant topic too! I just think it needs a bit more editing (the capital letters, comas and full stops).
Re: Silence
Posted: 29 Jun 2017, 11:34
by helenejike
Yes. Thank you.
Re: Silence
Posted: 30 Jun 2017, 04:51
by DATo
Nicely written and powerfully described theme. I see you are new to the OBC. Welcome and please post more of your work.
Thanks for sharing with us! [:- )
Re: Silence
Posted: 30 Jun 2017, 07:46
by raikyuu
Great use of line breaks, allowing for double meaning between the lines. Silence imposed to silence explodes. There's still room for improvement, so keep up the good work!
Re: Silence
Posted: 30 Jun 2017, 09:04
by helenejike
Thanks. Am really excited to be here.
Re: Silence
Posted: 06 Jul 2017, 00:53
by Mashell Chapeyama
Great poem. I like how the writer weaves the issue of silence to gender. The sense and the tone are great. My reservation is on the structure of the poem.
The writer must create predictability in the structure. For examples the lines must be structured in a similar way, maybe by controlling the line lengths.
Even using enjambment could be best to create a more appealing structure and form.
Re: Silence
Posted: 10 Jul 2017, 10:27
by Czarmaine AM
Wow. This poem shot straight through me. Powerfully written. Thank you for sharing this.
Re: Silence
Posted: 13 Jul 2017, 13:13
by helenejike
Thanks Mashell, I thought so too about the structure.
Czarmaine, am glad you liked it.
Re: Silence
Posted: 17 Jul 2017, 05:56
by ANDREW MBAGO
As the father of the African Novel the late Chinua Achebe wrote'' Proverbs were the palm oil through which words were eaten'' i would say words are the palm oil through which a good poem is written.This is what the Poet has done in the Silence.I would rather suggest you look at the structure to give the poem a beautiful image.
All the best and keep on writing!
Re: Silence
Posted: 18 Jul 2017, 01:36
by helenejike
Thanks Andrew.