When I Say

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
Post Reply
ANDREW MBAGO
Posts: 46
Joined: 15 May 2017, 05:50
Bookshelf Size: 0

When I Say

Post by ANDREW MBAGO »

When i say i hate you
don't take it as a joke.

When i say i love you
don't take it as a joke.

When i say i am hungry
don't get angry with me.

When i say you're beautiful
don't try to be boastful.

When i say your hands are raised
don't say they'll not be lowered.

When i say nature is benevolent
don't say it will not be malevolent.

When i say your wall is concrete
don't say there will be no crack.

When i say go fetch clear crystal water
don't ask me for a container basket.

When i say love is full of sweet apples
don't say the apples will no get rotten.

When i say you're churning milk in a gourd
don't raise shoulder in praise of your cow.
Top
User avatar
Caren mueni
Posts: 1
Joined: 13 Jul 2017, 08:46
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Caren mueni »

Amazing
Top
ANDREW MBAGO
Posts: 46
Joined: 15 May 2017, 05:50
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by ANDREW MBAGO »

Thank you Caren.What are your thoughts on structure,rhyme pattern and the message?
Top
User avatar
Ambreen Kiran
Posts: 8
Joined: 07 Jul 2017, 03:33
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by Ambreen Kiran »

Superb
Thanks for Sharing
Top
ANDREW MBAGO
Posts: 46
Joined: 15 May 2017, 05:50
Bookshelf Size: 0

Post by ANDREW MBAGO »

Thanks Ambreen for your thoughts and feelings on the poem.
Top
Post Reply

Return to “Creative Original Works: Poetry”