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When trophies rained upon my neighbor's yard,
With not a trickle spilling down my lawn,
Seems that misfortune felt on me so hard,
Thru nights of darkness without hints of dawn;
Time pelted me with woes that I can't shake,
That filled my cup to fullness ever since
That day, this yoke my shoulders vowed to take,
That all my brows, with saline sweats, would rinse;
But lifeline bridged the sea, cast from your hands,
To fetch this castaway from raging waves,
At last in your embrace, I found drylands,
Your eyes, the guiding stars this sailor craves;
..... Let trophies rain, but love is what I've sought,
..... Or else, the sunshine, bright, that your love brought.

Correction, please: In the third line, please read fell instead of felt.

Thank you.

Your indulgence, if I may make this correction, I've seen comments about my use of the ellipses (.....) which, I see, seem not conventional in terms of the numbers of the dots. So, henceforth, I will limit the dots to only three. The couplet at the ending of this sonnet should now appear thus:

... Let trophies rain, but love is what I've sought,
... Or else, the sunshine, bright, that your love brought.

I don't think the ellipses on the last two lines are necessary, but the sonnet is sweet. Did you also mean to put "through" instead of "thru" or is that intentional?

Bunnchopp wrote: ↑19 Jun 2019, 00:28 I don't think the ellipses on the last two lines are necessary, but the sonnet is sweet. Did you also mean to put "through" instead of "thru" or is that intentional?

Good point. Being a nonspeaker of English -- I mean not a native speaker -- I have to sift through (not thru?) various English-speaking sources for items of usage I am not sure of. You are right that "through" should be used in lieu of "thru" as the latter is an informal form. Maybe, what you pointed out is my next topic for an "erratum" post. Thank you.

Another Erratum post: In line No. 4 please change "thru" to read "through" in its place. Thank you.

And thank you @ Bunnchopp for the idea.

I find this to be a gorgeous sonnet. The ellipses on the last two lines allow the reader to take a breath and process the rest of the poem a little more before being saved by the conclusion. I've got to say: I've never heard someone speak of a yoke in a poem; that was a marvelous imagery. Nice.

mayangodm wrote: ↑22 Jul 2019, 11:59 I find this to be a gorgeous sonnet. The ellipses on the last two lines allow the reader to take a breath and process the rest of the poem a little more before being saved by the conclusion. I've got to say: I've never heard someone speak of a yoke in a poem; that was a marvelous imagery. Nice.

I find this a nice and erudite comment. Presumably, you have learned from many other poems in order to arrive at that observation. Thanks.

I love the poem. The persona finds solace in their lover's arms at a time of difficulty.

This is lovely! Well done. But I think you might want to consider turning "can't" in the fifth line to "cannot". I think that will make it flow better.

Samwisekoop wrote: ↑25 May 2020, 12:24 This is lovely! Well done. But I think you might want to consider turning "can't" in the fifth line to "cannot". I think that will make it flow better.

Thank you for the idea. I think I have to agree with you. The metrical count would still be retained, and the sense not altered.

moowshiri wrote: ↑18 May 2020, 06:00 I love the poem. The persona finds solace in their lover's arms at a time of difficulty.

That seems to be the thought. But the amazing fact is, people would often interpret based on their own experiences. Thanks for passing by. Stay safe.

Samwisekoop wrote: ↑25 May 2020, 12:24 This is lovely! Well done. But I think you might want to consider turning "can't" in the fifth line to "cannot". I think that will make it flow better.

You were saying in the fifth line

"Time pelted me with woes that I can't shake,"

"can't" should be changed to "cannot" and maybe, the line would now read as follows

"Time pelted me with woes I cannot shake,"

Well, that sounds better to the ear. Thank you.

As per edit by @Samwisekoop here is the edited poem:

When trophies rained upon my neighbor's yard,
With not a trickle spilling down my lawn,
Seems that misfortune fell on me so hard,
Thru nights of darkness without hints of dawn;
Time pelted me with woes I cannot shake,
That filled my cup to fullness ever since
That day, this yoke my shoulders vowed to take,
That all my brows, with saline sweats, would rinse;
But lifeline bridged the sea, cast from your hands,
To fetch this castaway from raging waves,
At last in your embrace, I found drylands,
Your eyes, the guiding stars this sailor craves;
..... Let trophies rain, but love is what I've sought,
..... Or else, the sunshine, bright, that your love brought.

Thank you.

Its very good! The topic of about love can be stereotypical, I personally liked that you have only showcased an idea/content (that love can be a salvation for others) out of vast imagery's about love. You have broken down the topic of love to little things, which is great. Because we don't want to hear the same thing about love everytime.