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New here,feedback please?
Posted: 25 Feb 2012, 00:53
by eden
This is my first time writing a poem. so here it goes
Tonight we celebrate
For the love that we create
As our passion that burns like a fire
We dance until our hearts desire
The moonlight shines above us
As the cold wind embrace us
We can hear the angels sing
as we conquer everything
We defeated our foe
And our love continue to grow
Our vows will last perpetuity
Our love will last for eternity
what do you think guys?
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 25 Feb 2012, 05:46
by Fran
Very nice & uplifting .. I like it, well done
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 25 Feb 2012, 08:18
by Ant
I like the way it's put together but it's a bit soppy for me.
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 25 Feb 2012, 17:08
by Carla Hurst-Chandler
Very nice. Positive
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 26 Feb 2012, 03:31
by Maud Fitch
Strange but I think it's about saying good-bye, almost as in immortal life after death.
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 26 Feb 2012, 09:51
by Carla Hurst-Chandler
I can see that.
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 03 Mar 2012, 23:55
by eden
thank you for your reviews guys..
Maud Fitch wrote:Strange but I think it's about saying good-bye, almost as in immortal life after death.
yep it's something like that..
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 16 Mar 2012, 08:00
by bookgator
We defeated our foe
And our love continue to grow
Our vows will last perpetuity
Our love will last for eternity
Is it just me or something tells me that this poem is about love and death. It made me a bit sad but it doesn't mean I don't th poem or something. I think the poem moved me and made me reflect on whatever experience I had in the past. Cool poem.
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 21 Jan 2014, 02:36
by Cheryl Rendone
I enjoyed reading this, very good job! I do have a few critics though. Did you mean to leave an "s" off of any of the words, like "winds" and "continues". Just an idea, I thought it might flow better.
other than that, I enjoyed it!
Re: New here,feedback please?
Posted: 21 Jan 2014, 04:47
by Nathrad Sheare
I think it's impossible this is your first time.
Wonderful.