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Mother
Posted: 23 May 2019, 05:34
by Ekta Swarnkar
[amazon=] Hi everyone, I have a poem to share and I hope it connects to your lives as it connected to mine, please let me know if you liked it and how can I modify it.
She is a machine producing love,
a chef making food,
a teacher helping homework,
a best friend to share everything,
a maid cleaning rooms,
a counselor boosting morale,
a laundry doing clothes,
an advisor of my problems,
a clock waking me up in time,
and a forever happy person to look upon all my queries without being paid,
Who is she, may be a random person to the world,
but she is my mother,
MY WORLD.[/amazon]
Re: Mother
Posted: 03 Jun 2019, 00:28
by Ibet_perez
This is really good! You're concept is great and your ideas are wonderful. The words that you used are great to but keep in mind you can always say more. Especially here, I think if you elaborated a little more or connected your ideas with events or objects even phrases would give your poem more kick.
Re: Mother
Posted: 04 Jun 2019, 00:36
by Ekta Swarnkar
Ibet_perez wrote: ↑03 Jun 2019, 00:28
This is really good! You're concept is great and your ideas are wonderful. The words that you used are great to but keep in mind you can always say more. Especially here, I think if you elaborated a little more or connected your ideas with events or objects even phrases would give your poem more kick.
Thank you so much for your views.. Your comment is valuable and I'll try to make progress .
Re: Mother
Posted: 04 Jun 2019, 02:55
by Lina Ewalu
Wow! What an amazing poem showing the good qualities of a mother. Its a short poem but pregnant with meaning.
Re: Mother
Posted: 04 Jun 2019, 21:38
by Ekta Swarnkar
Lina Ewalu wrote: ↑04 Jun 2019, 02:55
Wow! What an amazing poem showing the good qualities of a mother. Its a short poem but pregnant with meaning.
Thank you,
I really appreciate your thoughts.
Re: Mother
Posted: 05 Jun 2019, 11:24
by Eclecticmama
As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem
Re: Mother
Posted: 06 Jun 2019, 02:19
by Ekta Swarnkar
Eclecticmama wrote: ↑05 Jun 2019, 11:24
As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem
I'm sure they will. Thanks for reading it.
Re: Mother
Posted: 06 Jun 2019, 12:37
by Jlprince26
Eclecticmama wrote: ↑05 Jun 2019, 11:24
As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem
I concur with you. As mothers, we can only hope we influence our children in the best way possible by showing them as much love and support as possible. Hoping one day they will appreciate all we do, even if as youngsters, they can't stand us! Love the poem. Short and to the point. I think it is a wonderful depiction of how much you love and appreciate your mother.
Re: Mother
Posted: 06 Jun 2019, 17:48
by Ataylor1997
Your poem is beautiful and very informative yet simple way of describing a dedicated mother <3
Re: Mother
Posted: 07 Jun 2019, 00:38
by Ekta Swarnkar
Jlprince26 wrote: ↑06 Jun 2019, 12:37
Eclecticmama wrote: ↑05 Jun 2019, 11:24
As a mother I have felt all of these things, plus some. I only pray one day my kids grow to appreciate me as you do with your mom. Great poem
I concur with you. As mothers, we can only hope we influence our children in the best way possible by showing them as much love and support as possible. Hoping one day they will appreciate all we do, even if as youngsters, they can't stand us! Love the poem. Short and to the point. I think it is a wonderful depiction of how much you love and appreciate your mother.
I'm absolutely sure you are a good mother, thank you so much for your comment.
Re: Mother
Posted: 07 Jun 2019, 00:39
by Ekta Swarnkar
Ataylor1997 wrote: ↑06 Jun 2019, 17:48
Your poem is beautiful and very informative yet simple way of describing a dedicated mother <3
Thanks a lot, I value your appreciation.
Re: Mother
Posted: 07 Jun 2019, 00:55
by ayemi_chan
Ummm, its a great poem nevertheless but it could use more improvement, I think you should make it into two stanzas or even make it three, the first one talking all about the things your mother did for you and the second one would be more of a brief message, ang maybe you can omit the lines the talk about laundry and just make it one with the line that starts with maid. There's also some mis used prepositions and you could also elaborate it more because for me I think this is an unfinshed poem or something that left me hanging.
Though this poem is really sweet and you will sure know that it is made from the heart.❤❤
Re: Mother
Posted: 07 Jun 2019, 08:01
by Nisha Ward
I liked this. It's short and clear and to the point but it's full of feeling. My only issue is that it really could have been more than one stanza, but that's personal preference.
Re: Mother
Posted: 07 Jun 2019, 21:54
by Ekta Swarnkar
ayemi_chan wrote: ↑07 Jun 2019, 00:55
Ummm, its a great poem nevertheless but it could use more improvement, I think you should make it into two stanzas or even make it three, the first one talking all about the things your mother did for you and the second one would be more of a brief message, ang maybe you can omit the lines the talk about laundry and just make it one with the line that starts with maid. There's also some mis used prepositions and you could also elaborate it more because for me I think this is an unfinshed poem or something that left me hanging.
Though this poem is really sweet and you will sure know that it is made from the heart.❤❤
Thanks for helping me out with mistakes, I'll make changes as soon as possible.
Re: Mother
Posted: 07 Jun 2019, 21:55
by Ekta Swarnkar
Nisha Ward wrote: ↑07 Jun 2019, 08:01
I liked this. It's short and clear and to the point but it's full of feeling. My only issue is that it really could have been more than one stanza, but that's personal preference.
Thank you so much for reading it