Is this any good?

imSunshine · Post by **imSunshine** » 19 May 2019, 18:02

It is okay, but maybe you can spend more time to add spice to it..show more emotions

Luv_2_reed-688 · Post by **Luv_2_reed-688** » 12 Oct 2019, 23:30

It’s better than I expected it to be when I saw the caption. You definitely express the feelings. But it’s contradictory: “He’s never there, he doesn’t care” but at the end “Two hearts bound together.” Doesn’t sound like the two hearts are bound together, so it breaks down for me at that point.

Atara Miles · Post by **Atara Miles** » 14 Oct 2019, 20:54

It's actually decent. It sort of has this Love The Way You Lie by Rihanna with Eminem vibe sans the physical abuse bit. It has the echoes of a broken relationship where it seems neither party wants to let go of the other, for different reason. Just makes them seem a little clingy and needy, though.

nicole-adrianne · Post by **nicole-adrianne** » 15 Oct 2019, 17:34

I get where you're going with this, but I would try using imagery like slamming doors, tears, or whatever is close to your heart. Make the imagery unique and personal, a tale only you can tell.

gabby09 · Post by **gabby09** » 23 Feb 2020, 07:28

very nice. simple words laced with deep feelings.

Georgephilips · Post by **Georgephilips** » 07 Oct 2020, 22:29

Cath wrote: ↑07 Sep 2011, 07:14 Trapped

I love him so much, but he’s never there,
I give him my all, but he doesn’t care.
We live in our house, but it doesn’t feel like home,
My hearts breaking inside, I feel so alone.
Tomorrow will be better; I promise I’ll change,
But nothing ever does, it’s always the same.
I can’t stand this anymore; something’s got to give,
We can’t stay like this; it is no way to live.
I try to leave, but he begs me to stay,
I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t walk away.
I love him you see, and I always will,
Two hearts bound together, in a life with no thrill.

I love the second line.... Nice poetry you've got here