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[This is a discussion topic for the March 2016 book of the month Eating Bull by Carrie Rubin.]


Overall, do you think Connie was a good mother in the story? Why or why not?


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I think she wasn't a good mother at first, because she neglected Jeremy and wasn't aware of his troubles at school. She was too busy with her own life to take care of him properly. She improved though as the story progressed ,and did her best for him.

I'm not trying to judge parental skills, because it's hard being a parent. What gets me, though, is that even though Connie lost her night job, started cooking at home, taking care of herself, etc., she never realized that Jeremy had a stash of food in his bag. She never picked him up from school even after she got a car. She never showed any more interest in Jeremy's life outside of the home. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong; I'm just not seeing her extra free time helping Jeremy anywhere near as much as it helped her.

jacnthabox wrote:I'm not trying to judge parental skills, because it's hard being a parent. What gets me, though, is that even though Connie lost her night job, started cooking at home, taking care of herself, etc., she never realized that Jeremy had a stash of food in his bag. She never picked him up from school even after she got a car. She never showed any more interest in Jeremy's life outside of the home. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong; I'm just not seeing her extra free time helping Jeremy anywhere near as much as it helped her.

I have to agree. She seemed to care more about having a boyfriend than being a mother
If it had just been Rex I could have assumed that, as sad as it sounds, she was keeping him around for convenience and what assistance, little as it was, that he provided, but then her jumping to George just made me sit and shake my head.

I think that deep down, Connie really did care about Jeremy and only hid the truth from him to protect him, however there were a lot of things she did as a mother that really could have been handled better. Parents are humans too, and some people are better at being moms and dads than others. They are imperfect, so it makes sense that she would screw up. That made her really believable as a character to me. So, to answer the question, I am on the fence. I think she has good intentions and TRIES to be a good mother, but in a few cases falls pretty short. Being a single mom is tough, and I think she does try her best.

TeaAndSpooks wrote:I think that deep down, Connie really did care about Jeremy and only hid the truth from him to protect him, however there were a lot of things she did as a mother that really could have been handled better. Parents are humans too, and some people are better at being moms and dads than others. They are imperfect, so it makes sense that she would screw up. That made her really believable as a character to me. So, to answer the question, I am on the fence. I think she has good intentions and TRIES to be a good mother, but in a few cases falls pretty short. Being a single mom is tough, and I think she does try her best.

I do agree with you, TeaAndSpooks. Connie did care for Jeremy but she was also a vulnerable person herself. Her father was a bully to some degree, and she hardly knew what it was - to be a good parent. Food became a kind of the linking device between her and Jeremy, the device that, sadly, Connie misunderstand and misused.

I feel that Connie truly loved Jeremy and had the best of intentions, but did not make the best decisions. Parenting is a tough job, and I feel like I can't accurately judge Connie because I've never been in her shoes. I have a son, but I've never been a single mom with two jobs and a verbally abusive, agoraphobic parent to take care of in addition to my child. The woman was clearly under a lot of stress, and chronic stress has a negative impact on decision-making.

jacnthabox wrote:I'm not trying to judge parental skills, because it's hard being a parent. What gets me, though, is that even though Connie lost her night job, started cooking at home, taking care of herself, etc., she never realized that Jeremy had a stash of food in his bag. She never picked him up from school even after she got a car. She never showed any more interest in Jeremy's life outside of the home. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong; I'm just not seeing her extra free time helping Jeremy anywhere near as much as it helped her.

I agree with you completely. I felt like Connie really only cared about herself. I understand she was very busy and overwhelmed at the beginning of the book, but when she had more free time she still didn't really "see" her son. She started cooking at home, but the novel even said she was beginning to work on her own appearance. I'm sure she made her "organic meals" not only for Jeremy but also for her own figure. I understand not picking him up from school because that was supposed to be part of his exercise plan, but she still should have noticed his bag full of candy bars and snacks. I felt like she never noticed when he was upset or disappeared to binge eat.

-- 04 Mar 2016, 14:42 --

Gravy wrote:

jacnthabox wrote:I'm not trying to judge parental skills, because it's hard being a parent. What gets me, though, is that even though Connie lost her night job, started cooking at home, taking care of herself, etc., she never realized that Jeremy had a stash of food in his bag. She never picked him up from school even after she got a car. She never showed any more interest in Jeremy's life outside of the home. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong; I'm just not seeing her extra free time helping Jeremy anywhere near as much as it helped her.

I have to agree. She seemed to care more about having a boyfriend than being a mother
If it had just been Rex I could have assumed that, as sad as it sounds, she was keeping him around for convenience and what assistance, little as it was, that he provided, but then her jumping to George just made me sit and shake my head.

Not only George, but also Tony.

KAV wrote:

Gravy wrote:

jacnthabox wrote:I'm not trying to judge parental skills, because it's hard being a parent. What gets me, though, is that even though Connie lost her night job, started cooking at home, taking care of herself, etc., she never realized that Jeremy had a stash of food in his bag. She never picked him up from school even after she got a car. She never showed any more interest in Jeremy's life outside of the home. I'm not saying it's right or it's wrong; I'm just not seeing her extra free time helping Jeremy anywhere near as much as it helped her.

I have to agree. She seemed to care more about having a boyfriend than being a mother
If it had just been Rex I could have assumed that, as sad as it sounds, she was keeping him around for convenience and what assistance, little as it was, that he provided, but then her jumping to George just made me sit and shake my head.

Not only George, but also Tony.

Yeah, and that was a bit cliched. The supposedly good looking guy vs the one with some sort of obvious imperfection.

Scott wrote:[This is a discussion topic for the March 2016 book of the month Eating Bull by Carrie Rubin.]


Overall, do you think Connie was a good mother in the story? Why or why not?


***
View Eating Bull on Amazon | View Eating Bull on Bookshelves

This question is relatively tricky, as Connie sees her flaws as a mother and tries to right them throughout the story. In that regard, yes I think she is a good mother simply because she tries. However, if you were to ask me just based on her actions in the novel...well her choices simply were not the best. I agree with a lot of the previous posts in saying that her bringing home unhealthy food every night instead of cooking was not the best idea in the world. In truth, she could have brought home a salad or sandwich instead of pizza and burgers. However, having been a mother who has worked two jobs to support a family of 3...I understand where she's coming from. It's incredibly hard to cook when you work two 8 hour shifts in a day for however many days straight. I also think her attitude towards Jeremy was kind of lacking - on one hand, she is very supportive of Jeremy's decisions and always thinking of what is the best for HIM and his confidence. On the other hand she is also incredibly selfish. She doesn't stand up to her father for God knows what reason when he taunts Jeremy about his weight, and it is also implied that she only loses weight so that George will go out with her. That in itself outweighs the support that she gives Jeremy because once George enters her life, she doesn't really pay much attention to Jeremy at all.

The other question this raises is does her lie make her a bad mother? I know we have a topic about Connie's lie, so I'll discuss that more in that category. Overall I cannot say I think she is a good mother based on what she does. Based upon what she tries to do, however, I think she's decent. It seems she and Jeremy have a some-what close relationship that has been kind of broken up a little over time (I think back to the small apartment when it was just her and Jeremy vs the house they lived in currently with Jeremy's grandfather), but that can (and possibly is already) healed.

I think Connie did try to be a good mom. She could have done many things differently, such as protecting Jeremy from the abuse he was suffering in his own home. Regardless of the weight issue, she spent much of the book allowing Jeremy's grandfather and her boyfriend Rex to treat Jeremy badly. I was sympathetic to her character. She was in a difficult situation herself, working two jobs and then being expected to do everything around the home. She also suffered from very poor self esteem herself. All said, being a parent is not easy, even under ideal circumstances. I think Connie's character is as she is to help demonstrate that fact.

I think that she tried to be a good mom, but she clearly didn't succeed on multiple levels. She had Jeremy at a very young age, but ironically it seems like when they were on their own was when she was the best mom. My understanding was that after they moved in with Connie's difficult father, when she lost her own mother and role-model, was when things went downhill. She obviously had to work hard and long hours to support all three of them, but as other posters pointed out, even after she cut back her hours and started doing better herself, she didn't focus much on Jeremy. Part of this, though, I think is that she had to get herself straightened out before she could focus on Jeremy. Jeremy had a support system with the weight management clinic, but Connie had basically no one to lean on but herself. She could have been a better mom, but I think that it was also important for her to establish her own identity and figure out who she was again before she could step up to that position. She needed George, because she needed someone who saw her as something other than a mother and a breadwinner and a daughter.

jhollan2 wrote:I think that she tried to be a good mom, but she clearly didn't succeed on multiple levels. She had Jeremy at a very young age, but ironically it seems like when they were on their own was when she was the best mom. My understanding was that after they moved in with Connie's difficult father, when she lost her own mother and role-model, was when things went downhill. She obviously had to work hard and long hours to support all three of them, but as other posters pointed out, even after she cut back her hours and started doing better herself, she didn't focus much on Jeremy. Part of this, though, I think is that she had to get herself straightened out before she could focus on Jeremy. Jeremy had a support system with the weight management clinic, but Connie had basically no one to lean on but herself. She could have been a better mom, but I think that it was also important for her to establish her own identity and figure out who she was again before she could step up to that position. She needed George, because she needed someone who saw her as something other than a mother and a breadwinner and a daughter.

I agree with the post above. Connie is human and tried her best. Is this how I would have handled the situation if I were in her shoes? No. But, again I agree that it does make her a more relatable character. @jhollan2 you have the most generous opinion of Connie. I also saw her as a victim of circumstance and she was having a hard time keeping her head above water.

I was surprised that she was not more available to Jeremy after she lost her second job. She did jump on the next warm body after she broke up with Rex. Plus Jeremy was more supportive of her happiness than she was about his. It was interesting to see Tito's over protective parents compared to Connie. Both styles of parenting seemed to be outside of what was best for the boys.

I wonder if Connie's selfishness was because she finally had the time and opportunity to be or did she get too swept up in the sudden 15 minutes of fame the lawsuit brought?

It's never black and white, and while I fall on the side of "no, she was too wrapped up in herself to be a good mom", I also see why she would be the way she was.

I just wish that the Jeremys of the world didn't have to pay for their parents mistakes on top of their own.

I actually had a friend with a mother very much like Connie, as well as knowing other "Connie's", so I'm probably less understanding than most, because I identify more with Jeremy, than Connie.

TeaAndSpooks wrote:I think that deep down, Connie really did care about Jeremy and only hid the truth from him to protect him, however there were a lot of things she did as a mother that really could have been handled better. Parents are humans too, and some people are better at being moms and dads than others. They are imperfect, so it makes sense that she would screw up. That made her really believable as a character to me. So, to answer the question, I am on the fence. I think she has good intentions and TRIES to be a good mother, but in a few cases falls pretty short. Being a single mom is tough, and I think she does try her best.

I agree. It is hard to judge unless you're in that situation and I didn't like her per se, but the truth is, she is a type of mother and who she was fit more realistically for me for this novel.