How early does it start?

[Maconstewart]

In todays society it is definitely something parents should watch out for. Younger kids today, in many societies, are seeing and hearing things they haven't had to deal with before. Some examples are the pandemic, parents losing work, having to adjust to home schooling, illness and possibly death of a family member. All of these things, and more, are presenting our younger generation with things they may have not been prepared to deal with in a healthy manner.

[Kelyn]

You make an excellent point. We are taught from childhood that stress is a fact of life and complaining is for whiners. We should teach the next generation to acknowledge their feelings! I think most of the remedies in the book could work for kids, too: yoga, exercise, music and a healthy diet, for example.

In many cultures, children are subdued. "Keep it to yourself." "It's not a big deal, why are you making a fuss?" "It's just an exam. Study hard, that's all you need. I don't know why you worry, or do your peers have two heads?" From an early age, many parents begin to subdue the feelings, fears, and worries of their children. They keep it in, bottling it up, and this leads to a societally awkward and anxious adult who doesn't know how to react to issues or express themselves. Parents should do better by listening more to their children. Regardless of how inconsequential their fears and worries are, parents should listen and assure in a friendly and confident tone.

Isn't there a saying "don't cry like a little girl" so rooted in our society that we can't get past it. There are so many wrong things thought from early childhood.

Agreed. Dismissing the anxieties and fears of a child simply because the parent feels they are 'inconsequential,' the child is 'overreacting,' or telling/giving the impression that the child should be able to handle (whatever the stressor is) on their own just teaches the child that the parent doesn't care about what's worrying them and leads the child to bottle up the fears and anxieties rather than dealing with them immediately. Almost inevitably, this leads to an adult who is impaired in their abilities to handle anxieties or, even worse, one who starts to lash out (sometimes violently) in an attempt to vent those anxieties and stresses. As you said, the worries and fears of a child are never inconsequential and should never be simply dismissed out of hand. It's part of a parent's responsibility to help them learn to deal with them effectively.

[Kelyn]

Someone has to teach the children, that's for sure, but I think that primarily, the people who can put the strategies outlined in this book into motion are adults.

Children cannot learn any way else except an adult is walking the talk or actively putting them through the training to find healthy ways to manage anxiety.

I agree with your supposition that it starts early. Everything we do (or experience) as adults has some roots in childhood. While we cannot go back to childhood to adopt better practices, we can learn (and implement changes) in the present and teach the children differently who will then have better outcomes as adults.

You are absolutely correct. A child is not going to somehow just magically know techniques, such as the ones in Kinrys' book, all by themselves. Parents or other trusted adults are going to either have to lead by example or actively teach the child how to self-calm and deal with their anxieties. No, though we sometimes wish we could go back in time and learn or do things earlier and better, the sad truth is that once that chapter of opportunity has closed, it's too late. The solution, as you said, is to ensure that we teach children early now, in the present, how to implement effective practices to handle stress. I think many of the ones Kinrys suggests could be included in that. Yoga, meditation, exercise, and breathing techniques are just a few examples.

Thanks so much for stopping in and sharing your thoughts with us!

[Kelyn]

I think some personalities are more likely to develop anxiety and stress than others. Of course a lot depends on our childhood surroundings. As a parent I think my job is to recognize the personality and the weaknesses (and the strengths!) that come with it. The next steps would be to teach the children the best methods to cope with themselves. This is not an easy job for a parent... I have two kids that have very different personalities and teaching them the right personal set of skills sometimes gives me stress... But seriously, I think parents have a very important role in this matter.

True. I know each of my children have their own, unique personalities and what works for one may fall completely flat for another. As you say, it's important for the parent to be aware of their children's personalities, strengths, and weaknesses in order to determine the best course of action for teaching each of them the techniques for dealing with stress that best fits them. While meditation, for example, might work for one, it might bore another to tears. Kinrys gives good recommendations, but it's the parents job to figure out which will work best for each child.

Thanks for dropping in and sharing your thoughts with us!

[Kelyn]

Let me opine that children ordinarily have ways to relieve anxieties clearly different from the ways grown-ups do. These largely depend on the validities that their level of suspicions and worries are lower, as well as their rationale for having them. By and large, what they need from their parent or guidance is a confirmation and never a dismissal.

Yes, children, to some extent have a different way of dealing with stress, such as play. But that is not a 'fix,' it's a temporary band-aid so to speak. I would not agree that a child's level of anxieties/worries/fears should be counted as any lower that that of adults. Yes, their different - bullies vs. paying bills, for instance. But that makes them no less valid and frightening for the child as the adult's worries and fears. I agree that every child needs validation of their fears and guidance on how to deal with them, never for a parent to dismiss them. Guidance could well include teaching them coping techniques such as the ones Kinrys suggests.

Children mostly learn imitation and reactions they get from older ones. Children should not be left to answer questions themselves at their tender age when they are anxious about something. However, the methods the author gave could be of great help to both adults and children.

I think the parents and teachers are supposed to show rather than tell. Children doesn't always take the verbal massages right but will always understand the attitude. So show them care, let them know you're here.. feeling safe alone will relieve their stress. Being always open to them by listening will encourage them to be as open in return.

Absolutely. From birth children begin to learn by imitating, or being shown rather than told what to do. Many children do not respond well at all by simply being told, they must see it in action. Starting early in life, parents should demonstrate by their behavior how to deal with stresses and fears, but active teaching of these techniques is also necessary. Knowing that the parent is present, willing, and able to help will greatly aid in communication. It will also clear the way for the child to be more open to learning coping techniques such as Kinrys' if they trust and have a good relationship with their parent(s).

Thank you all for stopping in and sharing your thoughts. It is greatly appreciated!

[Sally_Heart]

I believe parents and guardians should be more proactive in identifying the mental state of their children. Dismissing children's worries leads to starved mental states which may develop into even worse mental health problems. Mental health like any other illness should be treated seriously as early as you recognize the signs.

[María Andrea Fernández Sepúlveda]

You make an excellent point. We are taught from childhood that stress is a fact of life and complaining is for whiners. We should teach the next generation to acknowledge their feelings! I think most of the remedies in the book could work for kids, too: yoga, exercise, music and a healthy diet, for example.

In many cultures, children are subdued. "Keep it to yourself." "It's not a big deal, why are you making a fuss?" "It's just an exam. Study hard, that's all you need. I don't know why you worry, or do your peers have two heads?" From an early age, many parents begin to subdue the feelings, fears, and worries of their children. They keep it in, bottling it up, and this leads to a societally awkward and anxious adult who doesn't know how to react to issues or express themselves. Parents should do better by listening more to their children. Regardless of how inconsequential their fears and worries are, parents should listen and assure in a friendly and confident tone.

Isn't there a saying "don't cry like a little girl" so rooted in our society that we can't get past it. There are so many wrong things thought from early childhood.

Agreed. Dismissing the anxieties and fears of a child simply because the parent feels they are 'inconsequential,' the child is 'overreacting,' or telling/giving the impression that the child should be able to handle (whatever the stressor is) on their own just teaches the child that the parent doesn't care about what's worrying them and leads the child to bottle up the fears and anxieties rather than dealing with them immediately. Almost inevitably, this leads to an adult who is impaired in their abilities to handle anxieties or, even worse, one who starts to lash out (sometimes violently) in an attempt to vent those anxieties and stresses. As you said, the worries and fears of a child are never inconsequential and should never be simply dismissed out of hand. It's part of a parent's responsibility to help them learn to deal with them effectively.

Youre so right! I don't know why as adults we forget that we were kids once and our problems were very real to us. It makes me so angry! Teaching kids to, as you say, bottle up their feelings can become really dangerous because we are not only talking about minor anxieties or stress but adults could be teaching their kids to hide some really serious problems, like eating disorders or bullying or so on...

[kparikh]

For me, it started as early as 6th grade when all the societal pressures started to affect me more and more. Truthfully it has as much to do with your experiences as it does your mental health and support system. I had a good support system from the beginning so the stress and anxiety didn't manifest itself in an unhealthy way. One thing that is important to remember when talking about stress and anxiety, in my opinion, is that it is always a valid emotion and getting help isn't a bad thing, nor is it something to be ashamed about. Back to the point, depending on past traumas and other factors in your life anxiety and stress can start when you are extremely young which is a sad fact, but the more aware you are of anxiety and the power it has over you or loved ones, the more you will be able to combat it. I hope this helped!

[ashleexry]

Definitely. Things like exercising is good for mental health, no matter if it's for an adult or a child. And the alternative medications mentioned in the book such as lavender can also be helpful to children, since lavender has known benefits that help reduce anxiety.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

Children mostly learn imitation and reactions they get from older ones. Children should not be left to answer questions themselves at their tender age when they are anxious about something. However, the methods the author gave could be of great help to both adults and children.

Adults are responsible for their children. By using the examples of remedies given in this book, they can be able to steer their children in the right direction. I also believe stress and anxiety occurs in young ones, they may not be able to speak about it. But parents can tell the red flags through behavior change.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

I think two better questions should be,"How early is it nurtured?" and "How soon do we combat the anxiety?"

To your first question, nurturing young ones requires parental skills. These skills might be resourceful to helping them as they grow. To the second question, how soon we combat the anxiety depends on how soon it begins to show.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

I think the parents and teachers are supposed to show rather than tell. Children doesn't always take the verbal massages right but will always understand the attitude. So show them care, let them know you're here.. feeling safe alone will relieve their stress. Being always open to them by listening will encourage them to be as open in return.

I've observed that children learn more from observation, if parents can lead through practical lessons like the one given by Gustavo, it would be easier to prevent their kids' stress and anxiety.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

In todays society it is definitely something parents should watch out for. Younger kids today, in many societies, are seeing and hearing things they haven't had to deal with before. Some examples are the pandemic, parents losing work, having to adjust to home schooling, illness and possibly death of a family member. All of these things, and more, are presenting our younger generation with things they may have not been prepared to deal with in a healthy manner.

This is why parents need to create a harmonious relationship with their children from a tender age. That way, if issues arise, they are able to have a talk and resolve them.

[difu]

It is lazy parenting to completely dismissed children's worries and complains, because this could have a lot of negative effect on their health. Hence, it is important that parents observe their kids carefully for any symptom for mental health illness. We should encourage our kids to engage in physical activities because exercising our bodies reduces mental health. Lavender is another medication mentioned in the book and it is very helpful to children because it reduces anxiety.

[Howlan]

I believe parents and guardians should be more proactive in identifying the mental state of their children. Dismissing children's worries leads to starved mental states which may develop into even worse mental health problems. Mental health like any other illness should be treated seriously as early as you recognize the signs.

Yes, paying attention and care for your children is one of the most important jobs in becoming a parent. Mental worries are something that will lead to development of the child's personality a=in the future and how they handle their life, so it should be properly taken care of.