How early does it start?

[Howlan]

You make an excellent point. We are taught from childhood that stress is a fact of life and complaining is for whiners. We should teach the next generation to acknowledge their feelings! I think most of the remedies in the book could work for kids, too: yoga, exercise, music and a healthy diet, for example.

In many cultures, children are subdued. "Keep it to yourself." "It's not a big deal, why are you making a fuss?" "It's just an exam. Study hard, that's all you need. I don't know why you worry, or do your peers have two heads?" From an early age, many parents begin to subdue the feelings, fears, and worries of their children. They keep it in, bottling it up, and this leads to a societally awkward and anxious adult who doesn't know how to react to issues or express themselves. Parents should do better by listening more to their children. Regardless of how inconsequential their fears and worries are, parents should listen and assure in a friendly and confident tone.

Isn't there a saying "don't cry like a little girl" so rooted in our society that we can't get past it. There are so many wrong things thought from early childhood.

Agreed. Dismissing the anxieties and fears of a child simply because the parent feels they are 'inconsequential,' the child is 'overreacting,' or telling/giving the impression that the child should be able to handle (whatever the stressor is) on their own just teaches the child that the parent doesn't care about what's worrying them and leads the child to bottle up the fears and anxieties rather than dealing with them immediately. Almost inevitably, this leads to an adult who is impaired in their abilities to handle anxieties or, even worse, one who starts to lash out (sometimes violently) in an attempt to vent those anxieties and stresses. As you said, the worries and fears of a child are never inconsequential and should never be simply dismissed out of hand. It's part of a parent's responsibility to help them learn to deal with them effectively.

Youre so right! I don't know why as adults we forget that we were kids once and our problems were very real to us. It makes me so angry! Teaching kids to, as you say, bottle up their feelings can become really dangerous because we are not only talking about minor anxieties or stress but adults could be teaching their kids to hide some really serious problems, like eating disorders or bullying or so on...

And, these small problems that children face in their childhood can lead to becoming huge in their future and play a role in the mental development of the children. It may cause problems in the children's future which they may find difficult to handle. Some of these things may also result in the creation of phobias in the worst cases.

[Howlan]

For me, it started as early as 6th grade when all the societal pressures started to affect me more and more. Truthfully it has as much to do with your experiences as it does your mental health and support system. I had a good support system from the beginning so the stress and anxiety didn't manifest itself in an unhealthy way. One thing that is important to remember when talking about stress and anxiety, in my opinion, is that it is always a valid emotion and getting help isn't a bad thing, nor is it something to be ashamed about. Back to the point, depending on past traumas and other factors in your life anxiety and stress can start when you are extremely young which is a sad fact, but the more aware you are of anxiety and the power it has over you or loved ones, the more you will be able to combat it. I hope this helped!

A great way to describe the problem. And really I agree with you that a good circle of friends and family that can support ou during childhood or whom you can find common ground in can really help to deal with problems that can at some times be difficult to share with others.

[Howlan]

Children mostly learn imitation and reactions they get from older ones. Children should not be left to answer questions themselves at their tender age when they are anxious about something. However, the methods the author gave could be of great help to both adults and children.

Adults are responsible for their children. By using the examples of remedies given in this book, they can be able to steer their children in the right direction. I also believe stress and anxiety occurs in young ones, they may not be able to speak about it. But parents can tell the red flags through behavior change.

Yes, at that, it would have been great if the book had a section which was exclusively based for children alone so that it could have been easier for parents to understand what do do for the stress of the child. Do you think such a section would have a good addition to the book?

[Howlan]

I think two better questions should be,"How early is it nurtured?" and "How soon do we combat the anxiety?"

To your first question, nurturing young ones requires parental skills. These skills might be resourceful to helping them as they grow. To the second question, how soon we combat the anxiety depends on how soon it begins to show.

Do you think that children should be given the choice to combat their anxiety on their own to some extent? I mean to say that getting them to think over their problems. If we try to combat their problems as soon as it shows then in a way it can cause a stopgap in their thinking process and will not help them nurture and grow. So do you think they should be given some time to see how they are combatting it themselves and swopping in to help when thinks seem stagnant or seem to go in the wrong way?

[Howlan]

I think the parents and teachers are supposed to show rather than tell. Children doesn't always take the verbal massages right but will always understand the attitude. So show them care, let them know you're here.. feeling safe alone will relieve their stress. Being always open to them by listening will encourage them to be as open in return.

I've observed that children learn more from observation, if parents can lead through practical lessons like the one given by Gustavo, it would be easier to prevent their kids' stress and anxiety.

Yeah, in the case of children, I do not think copying their parents always is going to help the child. I think they should keep a good look at the mindset of stress relief rather than copying the methods because a lot of the methods are not something that children find comfortable doing. For example, most children hate to meditate.

[Howlan]

It is lazy parenting to completely dismissed children's worries and complains, because this could have a lot of negative effect on their health. Hence, it is important that parents observe their kids carefully for any symptom for mental health illness. We should encourage our kids to engage in physical activities because exercising our bodies reduces mental health. Lavender is another medication mentioned in the book and it is very helpful to children because it reduces anxiety.

Yes, going out with children to parks and ball games is a crucial factor in any child's upbringing. The most essential thing is spending time with them whenever possible. Between work and other chores always looking after them is not possible for many parents. So the least any parent can do is just show they care for them and treat their worries as something that is important and not to be easily dismissed.

[Howlan]

In todays society it is definitely something parents should watch out for. Younger kids today, in many societies, are seeing and hearing things they haven't had to deal with before. Some examples are the pandemic, parents losing work, having to adjust to home schooling, illness and possibly death of a family member. All of these things, and more, are presenting our younger generation with things they may have not been prepared to deal with in a healthy manner.

This is why parents need to create a harmonious relationship with their children from a tender age. That way, if issues arise, they are able to have a talk and resolve them.

yes, communication is the key to solve many problems. Do you feel that parents can talk to children about their own problems as well? I mean not the full detailed version but in a way that will help children to understand. Hearing their inputs to adult problems can be stress-relieving as well. What is your opinion about this matter?

[Howlan]

You make an excellent point. We are taught from childhood that stress is a fact of life and complaining is for whiners. We should teach the next generation to acknowledge their feelings! I think most of the remedies in the book could work for kids, too: yoga, exercise, music and a healthy diet, for example.

In many cultures, children are subdued. "Keep it to yourself." "It's not a big deal, why are you making a fuss?" "It's just an exam. Study hard, that's all you need. I don't know why you worry, or do your peers have two heads?" From an early age, many parents begin to subdue the feelings, fears, and worries of their children. They keep it in, bottling it up, and this leads to a societally awkward and anxious adult who doesn't know how to react to issues or express themselves. Parents should do better by listening more to their children. Regardless of how inconsequential their fears and worries are, parents should listen and assure in a friendly and confident tone.

Isn't there a saying "don't cry like a little girl" so rooted in our society that we can't get past it. There are so many wrong things thought from early childhood.

Agreed. Dismissing the anxieties and fears of a child simply because the parent feels they are 'inconsequential,' the child is 'overreacting,' or telling/giving the impression that the child should be able to handle (whatever the stressor is) on their own just teaches the child that the parent doesn't care about what's worrying them and leads the child to bottle up the fears and anxieties rather than dealing with them immediately. Almost inevitably, this leads to an adult who is impaired in their abilities to handle anxieties or, even worse, one who starts to lash out (sometimes violently) in an attempt to vent those anxieties and stresses. As you said, the worries and fears of a child are never inconsequential and should never be simply dismissed out of hand. It's part of a parent's responsibility to help them learn to deal with them effectively.

Yes, I agree with your opinions, But sometimes children can feel too pampered and can make up excuses like feigning sickness for skipping school. This is a common example, but most times, it causes parents to simply dismiss other concerns especially mental ones when their child has done something of the same in the past. I think most of the time this is the reason that leads some parents to dismiss their concerns. How do you think parents should handle the case in regard to this?

[Howlan]

Definitely. Things like exercising is good for mental health, no matter if it's for an adult or a child. And the alternative medications mentioned in the book such as lavender can also be helpful to children, since lavender has known benefits that help reduce anxiety.

Yes, aroma therapy, in particular, can be good anxiety-reducing remedies that can be used on children without medications and stuff. I feel that children must be kept away from regular medications to which they can dependant in for stress at the least, so aroma which many children generally take a liking to can help ease their anxiety to a much proper exnt to exercising for example.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

Grom as early as they realise what's happening. Children should be taught early that they can be trusted and that their feelings hold weight, so they learn early to be responsible.

You are very right. Instilling trust in the children leads them to be more responsible of their actions and feelings.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

cookiedough wrote:
> If we learned good coping mechanisms at a young age on how to deal with our
> emotions, there would be less adults feeling trapped in their emotions. We
> can always benefit from being understanding of one another and being
> supportive in this world.

Yes, from a young age it should be taken care that any worry you have you should share it with someone. Parent should take a greater initiative and not only lend an ear to their child's problem but sometimes share their own problems too. It is effective in bonding as well as reducing your own stress.

How can a parent share their problem with the young one and make them understand at their level?

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

cookiedough wrote:
> If we learned good coping mechanisms at a young age on how to deal with our
> emotions, there would be less adults feeling trapped in their emotions. We
> can always benefit from being understanding of one another and being
> supportive in this world.

Yes, from a young age it should be taken care that any worry you have you should share it with someone. Parent should take a greater initiative and not only lend an ear to their child's problem but sometimes share their own problems too. It is effective in bonding as well as reducing your own stress.

I think the hardest two factors that kinds go through, and that leads them to stress and anxiety, are trust and a sense of belonging.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

Jachike Samuelson wrote:
> Nerea wrote:
> > Good question. I think the practices can also help children because it's at
> > a tender age that one starts to learn things that will help them make
> > better decisions as they grow to become adults. Notice this proverb that
> > says; "Train a boy/child in the way he should go; Even when he grows
> > old he will not depart from it." So the practices can help the
> > children as well. Anxiety or stress does not respect age.
>
>
> I agree the principles for dealing with anxiety in this book is not age-dependent. In
> the part of the world where I come from, there is an astronomically high rate of
> anxiety in children (especially male children who are scorned for behaving like girls
> whenever they express their worries). I actually think starting early to identify
> these patterns and deal with them makes for more wholesome adult down the line.

Yes, I can concur with your statement. There are many people who are really ard on their kids and that should not something you build of fear, but you should rather instil them with love. Like you should not teach your kid that "crying" is something to be ashamed for but you should teach them to gain strength from the pain. Same for stress too if your child is under a lot of stress you should definitely first try to understand the cause rather than forming opinions.

When it comes to children, I believe the hardest thing for parents to do is to discern between approval and correction.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

Sou Hi wrote:
> I'm afraid that to some adults, it's the children who are the source of
> their stress. And of course, since the adults have their hands full
> worrying about their problems, they would not pay attention to a child's if
> they can help it. Dismissal is the easiest and fastest way to ignore an
> extra issue. However, the grownups don't know that even children have their
> own anxiety, which could drive them to isolation and feeling abandoned.
> Some examples of this: a kid who recently had a new sibling, a bullied
> child, a kid whose family is too busy to take care of them properly, etc.
> Any of those cases can lead to depression and can haunt the children for
> years. So the sooner the kids are cared for the better, and if the methods
> work for the adults they probably do to a child.

Yes, raising a child can be quite stressful especially when you have your own life to handle. Bt in these cases generally you should not consider your child to be separate but part of your life. It is the little moments which are a source of happiness. Also, as the child goes older, communication is a surefire way to get to know the child better. it can relieve not only the stress of the child, but also yourself.

Creating meaningful ties with your children is the best way to get them talking about their stress and anxiety.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

djr6090 wrote:
> In my experience, children learn their coping skills by imitating their
> parents. Being sure that we cope in healthy adult ways by practicing the
> advice in this book can help the little ones, too.

Yes, though I do not think this book is much effective for kids. Someone should be there to explain it to them and also practice remedies with them to bring out its effectiveness.

Instead of explaining to the kids about the remedies given. A parent should practice them practically.