How early does it start?

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

I do believe that children definitely suffer from stress and worry. But adults are often dismissive of this problem or fail to recognise it. The suggestions and remedies in this book can definitely also help children- atleast it might make an adult recognise the problem.

I’d agree with failing to recognize when children have stress or are anxious. I wonder if there’s a parent who would ignore it if they knew their child was suffering from stress and anxiety.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

Alice Ngugi wrote:
> My mum never encouraged us to talk about our fears. She would reprimand us
> for looking sad and would tell us that we are children and do not or should
> not have anything to worry about. As I grew older I realized it affects the
> way I talk about how I feel. It took me a while to get to a place of
> 'vulnerability' to talk about my anxieties. It starts at the very age we
> start experiencing all the different emotions.

Exactly! People often think that children don't have problems and don't feel stressed/anxious. We are taught to hide our worries since we're young, as children are not expected to feel the way adults feel. Many people ignore their child's sadness or anxiety thinking kids are not exposed to any form of stress.

Children who have experienced being neglected, end up having trust issues and may eventually suffer from stress and anxiety.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

That's a really interesting discussion, personally I think people start to experience stress and anxiety even when they are little children. Therefore it would be prudent, to start early in educating kids on how to deal with anxiety early enough.

If children can be taught the different remedies in this book, they can be in a better position to deal with stress and anxiety when they mature.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

I feel that some of these techniques can be used by children. I have talked about stress and anxiety with a few of my middle school students. It is important for them to be aware of their emotions and know there are strategies that can help them. Some basic strategies we have talked about include exercise, meditation, and breathing techniques.

On the issue of emotions, I noticed Kinrys specifies that how we deal with our thoughts can influence our emotions. Hence, if kids are taught about having the right mindset, their attitude towards stress and anxiety could change.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

As a child, I was always told not to worry or that I'm just overreacting. I think that is why I push off my anxiety and stress, which is detrimental to your mental health. Worries, doubts, stress, and anxiety can come at any age. As a parent, it is important to tell your child that worries will come and go as a part of life. The point is to not dwell on each stressful event and move on. There is importance in each anxious or stressful experience, so it should be dismissed immediately. It should be acknowledged and taken care of accordingly.

It’s true every stressful moment carries with it some significance. Parents can use those moments to connect with their children and address the root of the problem.

[Joseph_ngaruiya]

I think it's impossible to quantify when too much repression creates a change in ourselves. It's a sad fact. The best we can hope for is good parents to let us freely act out and process our emotions and ideas, but even this isn't enough. I think it's part of the human experience to have sorrow and feelings unique to you that can't be overcome. Perhaps that idea is damaging though, and denies room for change. Reading this book helped me face that idea and question whether things I consider immutable about myself are really so hard to change.

Nothing is hard to change. As written in this book, it only requires identifying the problem and planning the counter measures to take.

[Maconstewart]

In todays society it is definitely something parents should watch out for. Younger kids today, in many societies, are seeing and hearing things they haven't had to deal with before. Some examples are the pandemic, parents losing work, having to adjust to home schooling, illness and possibly death of a family member. All of these things, and more, are presenting our younger generation with things they may have not been prepared to deal with in a healthy manner.

This is why parents need to create a harmonious relationship with their children from a tender age. That way, if issues arise, they are able to have a talk and resolve them.

Agreed. Many parents don't just talk with their children early on. This creates a problem with being able to identify when there is a problem and makes it awkward when they try to talk to them at an older age.

[Kelyn]

I believe parents and guardians should be more proactive in identifying the mental state of their children. Dismissing children's worries leads to starved mental states which may develop into even worse mental health problems. Mental health like any other illness should be treated seriously as early as you recognize the signs.

Agreed, it is the parent's responsibility to be aware of their children's behavior and if anything is 'off.' This is often the first indicator. Once it has been determined that there is a problem, the parents should undertake addressing it and helping the child deal with their stress and anxiety. Techniques such as the ones in Kinrys' book can help in doing this. It might be that this isn't enough. The parents should keep in mind that the child's difficulties may require the intervention of a therapist. Sooner is always better than later.

Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts with us!

[Kelyn]

For me, it started as early as 6th grade when all the societal pressures started to affect me more and more. Truthfully it has as much to do with your experiences as it does your mental health and support system. I had a good support system from the beginning so the stress and anxiety didn't manifest itself in an unhealthy way. One thing that is important to remember when talking about stress and anxiety, in my opinion, is that it is always a valid emotion and getting help isn't a bad thing, nor is it something to be ashamed about. Back to the point, depending on past traumas and other factors in your life anxiety and stress can start when you are extremely young which is a sad fact, but the more aware you are of anxiety and the power it has over you or loved ones, the more you will be able to combat it. I hope this helped!

I completely commiscerate with you on the societal pressures that begin to build and worsen in middle and high school. I agree that the outcomes often depend on whether you have an adequate support system and parents/guardians willing and able to help you address the problems in a healthy way, such as is suggested for adults in the book. Several of these are fully adaptable for use with children. The stress and anxiety a child feels is very real and valid, especially to them.The earlier help is initiated, the better for the child. Although I agree that mental health issues due to stress and anxiety is not something to be ashamed about and that getting help is a good thing, I am also aware that for many, many children, that is not the way they are made to feel. That is the unfortunate truth. Thank you so much for stopping in and sharing your thoughts with us. It is always appreciated.

[ReadMeow]

I believe anxiety and depression can be planted in a child's formative years between the ages of 5-9. Even that early children are susceptible, as any person is, to mood contagion or stressful environments or chemical imbalances in the brain. I think anxiety and depression typically manifest at a slightly older age such as 12-16, but the warning signs are often there beforehand whether those are environmental or behavioral. Trust and open communication with their parents is crucial to being able to minimize the effects of anxiety and depression on children. Unfortunately many children do not have that which is why it is equally important to ensure there is also trust in school counselors and that school counselors are being effective in their roles. Anxiety and depression are deeply connected with the more primal parts of our brain such as the amygdala so it can happen to anyone at any time, especially when children are vulnerable like in this pandemic.

[Kelyn]

Definitely. Things like exercising is good for mental health, no matter if it's for an adult or a child. And the alternative medications mentioned in the book such as lavender can also be helpful to children, since lavender has known benefits that help reduce anxiety.

As is suggested in Kinrys' book, I agree that exercise can be therapeutic, even though I often fail to engage in it myself. I found the alternative remedies suggested in the book to be quite fascinating as I often research and use alternative medicines and herbs myself. Handling these yourself, however, especially with children requires the willingness and ability to determine the proper dosage. As long as the parents are aiding the child in dealing with their stresses and anxieties in a healthy way, the outcome is often positive. Thanks for dropping in and sharing your thoughts with us!

[Kelyn]

And, these small problems that children face in their childhood can lead to becoming huge in their future and play a role in the mental development of the children. It may cause problems in the children's future which they may find difficult to handle. Some of these things may also result in the creation of phobias in the worst cases.

Interesting point. I've not heard the possibility of phobias resulting from a lack of parental attention to fears and anxieties presented so far in the forum. Now that I think about it, though, it seems perfectly reasonable. Especially in cases where the child is belittled for their fears and anxieties, it leads to the child internalizing those fears. This could very possibly lead to a phobia concerning the source of the fear/stressor/anxieties. The simple act of teaching the child some of the techniques in Kinrys' book or getting the child other, more professionally therapeutic help could often provide the child immediate relief. Unfortunately, that is too often not the case, leading to mental health problems such as phobia's later in life. Excellent point on your part! Thanks for dropping in and sharing your thoughts with us!

[Kelyn]

Do you think that children should be given the choice to combat their anxiety on their own to some extent? I mean to say that getting them to think over their problems. If we try to combat their problems as soon as it shows then in a way it can cause a stopgap in their thinking process and will not help them nurture and grow. So do you think they should be given some time to see how they are combatting it themselves and swopping in to help when thinks seem stagnant or seem to go in the wrong way?

In most cases, no, especially in very young children. Although children do have the 'stop-gap' ability to push their fears and anxieties to the background through play, etc., that does not help them deal with the problems themselves. It gives relief for a little while, then the stresses, fears, and anxieties come crashing down once again. Now, getting them to think about their problems and things that might help is a very good idea, but, most often, this will require the intervention of a parent. The younger the child, the more this is the case. They simply have not yet developed the critical thinking skills to be able to address this type of problem on their own. The result of being left or forced to handle it/them on their own can often lead to more serious mental difficulties later in life. Teaching the child to deal with the stress and anxiety caused by their problems and fears with techniques such as the ones suggested in the book, I believe, is the best course of action. And the younger this is started, the better. Children should not be left to flounder alone with mental health issues.

Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts with us!

[Kelyn]

yes, communication is the key to solve many problems. Do you feel that parents can talk to children about their own problems as well? I mean not the full detailed version but in a way that will help children to understand. Hearing their inputs to adult problems can be stress-relieving as well. What is your opinion about this matter?

I would say that would depend on the age of the child. For example, I would never think of laying debt or financial problems on the small shoulders of, say, a six or seven year old. Not only is that something which the parent should be handling (not a small child) that would simply add to the fears and stresses the child was already dealing with. A very negative outcome. On the other hand, with an older child, say sixteen or seventeen, doing so might well create a companionalbe type relationship which would lead to more open communication. I'm not saying that the parent should lay all their worries at the feet of this age child, but sharing in a limited fashion suitable for the child's age might be as effective a technique (or more) as ones suggested in Kinrys' book. I would, however, be extremely careful in choosing what I shared and in how much detail. Too much would, as in the case of a younger child, add to the older child's own stresses and worries.

Thanks, once again, for coming in and sharing your thoughts and questions.

[Leecedar]

To me children have ways to relief their anxieties supposedly different from the ways adults do. These greatly depends on the facts that their level of anxieties and worries are lower, as well as their basis for having them. By and large, what they need from their parent or guidance is an assurance and never a dismissal.

Joenduga,

I think you hit the nail on the head. The positive reinforcement and understanding that to the child, the stressors are real and should not be dismissed, is a mighty weapon of self-esteem that will serve the child into adulthood.