OCD

Circling Turtle · Post by **Circling Turtle** » 11 Jun 2015, 14:58

He had a bristly spot
Beneath his left ear
Where he’d forgotten to shave
And on his lips:
A perpetual dancing sneer
Hidden by his psychiatric smile

It’s OCD
He said, labeling my brain
My pain, my self
OCD

Something serotonin

But I was counting my fingers
To make sure that I was real

Triple medication!

And he spoke of my basal ganglia
And serotonin, serotonin
Secret rituals not worth knowing
The length of my socks
Fear of my reflection
Of life, of introspection

A mantra with which to chase the beast

It’s not me, it’s OCD!
His bristles, how they taunted me
Old fears like smog do smother
And I laughed unwilling
Compelled by some internal enemy

For how can he know
The Whole?
The ecstasy in this control
(Or lack thereof)
The revelations
When I lose my mind
And succumb to silent urges
For which forever I shall then atone

It’s not me, it’s OCD
THC
ADD
Who is me?
A name
In a file
In a drawer in a desk

A lonely soul
Counting thoughts and fingers
The distance to the sun

johappy · Post by **johappy** » 15 Jun 2015, 00:43

Oh my gosh. I completely understand this.... I once wrote a poem about OCD too. I haven't had the guts to go to the doctor about it, so I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but I do get these urges and impulses to do the stupidest things. Things I don't need to do, but I have to. It's a terrible, controlling thing. Good luck.

Circling Turtle · Post by **Circling Turtle** » 15 Jun 2015, 04:43

Thanks

I wrote this years ago when I was first diagnosed. It was so debilitating at that stage. It took years to find the right meds but they've changed my life! And I get meds from the government which saves a lot of money. You really should have it checked out... Lots of people have intrusive thoughts but when it starts controlling your life you should take action. There's no need to be scared of going to the doctor. I know I was, partly because of the shame and stigma attached to it, but it was worth it.

Melissa-C-Water · Post by **Melissa-C-Water** » 13 Jul 2015, 19:31

I have OCD as well so this meant something to me.
Well done!

ShannonLove · Post by **ShannonLove** » 18 Jul 2015, 18:13

I struggle with the symptoms of mental illness as well. It's a never ending battle. Wishing you the best! Amazing poem!

magnus wulfson · Post by **magnus wulfson** » 22 Sep 2015, 22:20

holy crap. I didn't know so many people had the same type of problems as me and we are all in a poetry chat room. That kind of illuminates how we deal , huh. My wife used to be amazed that I always knew she had been in my stuff. when she asked how I knew, I'd say something like "my chapstick was crooked in the drawer" or "my watch is rotated to the left an inch". She would just shake her head and grin.

dreamwriter_reviews · Post by **dreamwriter_reviews** » 05 Feb 2016, 15:24

I grip the mouse with a momentary fear. "Can I deal with this?" I read on fast then slow leading up to the end.
I ungrip the mouse and sit back in my chair. Recalling my own events of yesterday and thinking "If this person can deal and be open publicly so can I."

Fellow OCDer's unite! LOL.

I am very moved your poem. The brain does play tricks on us very often. Be well.

stoppoppingtheP · Post by **stoppoppingtheP** » 07 Feb 2016, 07:21

Brilliant poem

PashaRu · Post by **PashaRu** » 07 Feb 2016, 08:07

This is terrific! Wonderfully written. I don't have OCD, but live with someone who borders on it (the light switches all have to be in the same position, for example) and have friends that do as well. Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed this!

DATo · Post by **DATo** » 07 Feb 2016, 08:09

Very nicely written. I enjoyed this very much. Please post more of you creations.

Circling Turtle · Post by **Circling Turtle** » 09 Feb 2016, 03:20

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all the positive feedback! I wrote this poem over ten years ago, when I was first diagnosed, and it is interesting to look back and realise how far I've come. I still struggle with OCD on a daily basis but it no longer controls my life - it is more like an irritating remora piggybacking on my brain then the monster it once felt like. There is so much misinformation surrounding OCD (and mental illness in general) - it is not a fun, fashionable quirk, and can be terrifying, disturbing and potentially debilitating. The fear and confusion that I went through before finding out what was up has made me quite passionate about advocating mental health awareness, but it is one thing being open about the better known compulsions such as hand-washing and another thing having the guts to say "80% of the time that I am talking to you I have a loop in my brain that is imagining sticking my fingers in your eyes... But yeah, I am pretty normal otherwise and actually quite a nice person." Not exactly the best move socially, you know... but because nobody talks about it, there are so many people who don't seek help because they fear judgment or think they're possessed or something.

DATo · Post by **DATo** » 09 Feb 2016, 06:52

Circling Turtle wrote:Hi everyone, thanks so much for all the positive feedback! I wrote this poem over ten years ago, when I was first diagnosed, and it is interesting to look back and realise how far I've come. I still struggle with OCD on a daily basis but it no longer controls my life - it is more like an irritating remora piggybacking on my brain then the monster it once felt like. There is so much misinformation surrounding OCD (and mental illness in general) - it is not a fun, fashionable quirk, and can be terrifying, disturbing and potentially debilitating. The fear and confusion that I went through before finding out what was up has made me quite passionate about advocating mental health awareness, but it is one thing being open about the better known compulsions such as hand-washing and another thing having the guts to say "80% of the time that I am talking to you I have a loop in my brain that is imagining sticking my fingers in your eyes... But yeah, I am pretty normal otherwise and actually quite a nice person." Not exactly the best move socially, you know... but because nobody talks about it, there are so many people who don't seek help because they fear judgment or think they're possessed or something.

When I wanted to quit smoking I played a little game with myself. When I wanted a cigarette I asked myself, "Do you REALLY need this cigarette?" This would cause me to pause and actually consider the question seriously. After a moment of deliberation the answer was always "No."

Perhaps you could do something similar. When the OCD impulse occurs simply treat it as someone else encroaching on your life and trying to boss you around. Simply say to that "other person", "Hey, back off! I'm in charge here." or something like that. I think half the battle in such situations is to simply stop and think about what's about to happen and then insert your REAL personality such as I did with the smokes. Give it a try and let me know if it works for you.