View on relationships

Utchay · Post by **Utchay** » 10 Jul 2017, 07:35

micoleon13 wrote:I was very much on Nadia's side and she was in such a difficult situation. I thought it was good of the authors' to broach this subject, bringing to light how in some countries women have very little say and need the man of the family to give permission.

You are absolutely right. The very first time I was abused by my ex-husband, my aunt told me to "endure" cos leaving is not an option as I will bring shame to my family. No one can really understand the effects of abuse (verbal, emotional or psychological) except they ve been through it. I stand with Nadia.

-- 10 Jul 2017, 07:39 --

ULLAVU wrote:As long as you started a relationship to the extend of having children, its better to withstand the abusive relation for the sake of children and try to mend it for the better future

-- 02 Jul 2017, 07:46 --

No matter how bad things are, you've got what it takes to make it better. You are smarter, stronger and healthier than you realize. Believe in yourself, and never ever give up on you! Both for your sake and that of a child you have to withstand an abusive relationship,

What if you lose your life in the process of "withstanding" an abusive relationship? How do you think that would impact on the future of your kids? Ponder on these.

SilviaP21 · Post by **SilviaP21** » 10 Jul 2017, 08:09

I think thay for a child, living in a home with daily fights, hate and violence can scar him for life. But if both parents really want what is best for their family, things shouldn't go that far. I think it's a choice they have to make: either do their best to keep the family together and happy or go after their own dreams but give up on what they built until then.

curlyke18 · Post by **curlyke18** » 10 Jul 2017, 08:38

Anything but an abusive relationship. I prefer Yaser's view. Most people have unfulfilling marriages so it's more relatable.

Donnavila Marie01 · Post by **Donnavila Marie01** » 10 Jul 2017, 08:47

Nwanne Calista China wrote:Instead of staying in abusive relationship or when it becomes a threat to life...pick up courage, take a walk and leave

I agree. Life is more meaningful and worth living outside an abusive relationship.

gali · Post by **gali** » 10 Jul 2017, 08:51

Utchay wrote:
micoleon13 wrote:I was very much on Nadia's side and she was in such a difficult situation. I thought it was good of the authors' to broach this subject, bringing to light how in some countries women have very little say and need the man of the family to give permission.
You are absolutely right. The very first time I was abused by my ex-husband, my aunt told me to "endure" cos leaving is not an option as I will bring shame to my family. No one can really understand the effects of abuse (verbal, emotional or psychological) except they ve been through it. I stand with Nadia.

-- 10 Jul 2017, 07:39 --

ULLAVU wrote:As long as you started a relationship to the extend of having children, its better to withstand the abusive relation for the sake of children and try to mend it for the better future

-- 02 Jul 2017, 07:46 --

No matter how bad things are, you've got what it takes to make it better. You are smarter, stronger and healthier than you realize. Believe in yourself, and never ever give up on you! Both for your sake and that of a child you have to withstand an abusive relationship,

What if you lose your life in the process of "withstanding" an abusive relationship? How do you think that would impact on the future of your kids? Ponder on these.

I am sorry to hear you were abused and you are absolutely right. A good thing you left him!

-- July 10th, 2017, 4:54 pm --

curlyke18 wrote:Anything but an abusive relationship. I prefer Yaser's view. Most people have unfulfilling marriages so it's more relatable.

I am not sure "most people have unfulfilling marriages", nor it is a reason to stay in one.

CHL · Post by **CHL** » 10 Jul 2017, 08:56

I am on Nadia's side here. I'm not the submissive toe of person. Once I know that something's off and I already done the best I could to fix it but it just won't go back to the way it should be, as harmonious as it should be, I'd gladly cut our ties. It would be better that way. Why stay and be unhappy when you can let go and allow yourselves to find each of your happiness and peace.

gali · Post by **gali** » 10 Jul 2017, 08:59

CHL wrote:I am on Nadia's side here. I'm not the submissive toe of person. Once I know that something's off and I already done the best I could to fix it but it just won't go back to the way it should be, as harmonious as it should be, I'd gladly cut our ties. It would be better that way. Why stay and be unhappy when you can let go and allow yourselves to find each of your happiness and peace.

I am the same and totally agree with your POV!

Post by **Vickie Noel** » 10 Jul 2017, 22:44

Some things never really change. An abusive relationship has a negative effect on the victims and even onlookers because if care is not taken, sympathy disappears and others begin to feel comfortable abusing those who refuse to stand up for themselves simply because they allowed it become a norm. Unfulfilling marriages have a glimmer of hope if they endure and actively work together to reverse their status, not just for the kids alone but for the sake of their own friendship and companionship. This will eventually augur well for the entire family.

gali · Post by **gali** » 10 Jul 2017, 23:10

Vickie Noel wrote:Some things never really change. An abusive relationship has a negative effect on the victims and even onlookers because if care is not taken, sympathy disappears and others begin to feel comfortable abusing those who refuse to stand up for themselves simply because they allowed it become a norm. Unfulfilling marriages have a glimmer of hope if they endure and actively work together to reverse their status, not just for the kids alone but for the sake of their own friendship and companionship. This will eventually augur well for the entire family.

Indeed. I agree that one should try to save an unfulfilling marriage. However, if one did his best and failed, one should not stay at any cost.

CHL · Post by **CHL** » 11 Jul 2017, 03:53

Riki wrote:The relationships presented are just a bit too different for an accurate comparison. One is abusive while the other is unfulfilling. In the case of spousal abuse, staying with the abuser is harmful to everyone involved. Now, therapy or counseling could help, but separation is usually the best route. And if a marriage is no longer happy, separation is probably the best as well.

This forum seems popular among women in the community so I looked up and browsed the past replies made and I found one above. After careful thought, I have to agree that Taser and Nadia's relationships are not comparable with each other. The physically abusive relationship is very unacceptable for me. Getting out of it is a must. I bet the kid would not also like to live in that atmosphere.

On the other hand, communication is what Yaser and Mariam needs in their relationship. Honest and sincere talk. Not only once but everyday of their lives. They have personal differences to work out with. Those differences grew during the span of their marriage because no one dared express their true feelings. They just simply compromised to keep the family together.

gali · Post by **gali** » 11 Jul 2017, 04:41

CHL wrote:
Riki wrote:The relationships presented are just a bit too different for an accurate comparison. One is abusive while the other is unfulfilling. In the case of spousal abuse, staying with the abuser is harmful to everyone involved. Now, therapy or counseling could help, but separation is usually the best route. And if a marriage is no longer happy, separation is probably the best as well.
This forum seems popular among women in the community so I looked up and browsed the past replies made and I found one above. After careful thought, I have to agree that Taser and Nadia's relationships are not comparable with each other. The physically abusive relationship is very unacceptable for me. Getting out of it is a must. I bet the kid would not also like to live in that atmosphere.

On the other hand, communication is what Yaser and Mariam needs in their relationship. Honest and sincere talk. Not only once but everyday of their lives. They have personal differences to work out with. Those differences grew during the span of their marriage because no one dared express their true feelings. They just simply compromised to keep the family together.

Indeed, it seems that most of the comments are by women.

There was no love (or respect) between Yaser and Mariam, so I am not sure communication is enough in their case. They also disagreed on faith issues.

Donnavila Marie01 · Post by **Donnavila Marie01** » 11 Jul 2017, 05:07

AliceofX wrote:I think their situations are too different to compare because abuse is not the same as neglect. That said I'd probably say Yaser's side. My parents split up when I was about 10 or 11, and there are just no words to explain the pain that comes from a broken home.

I am interested with how you differentiate neglect and abuse because I believe that neglect may fall under abuse.

gali · Post by **gali** » 11 Jul 2017, 05:12

Donnavila Marie01 wrote:
AliceofX wrote:I think their situations are too different to compare because abuse is not the same as neglect. That said I'd probably say Yaser's side. My parents split up when I was about 10 or 11, and there are just no words to explain the pain that comes from a broken home.
I am interested with how you differentiate neglect and abuse because I believe that neglect may fall under abuse.

A good point. Some parents neglect their kids and it can be considered abuse as well, not to mention there are other types of abuse (physical, financial, verbal).

Mark_Lwembe · Post by **Mark_Lwembe** » 11 Jul 2017, 05:44

I am of one mind with you gali in that I agree that a relationship that's seems to be headed nowhere should be brought to an end so I immediately I'm biased with the character that is Nadia before indulging the book but I must add that I can't completely board team Nadia given that I also believe that a couple must give it their all to see if they can work through their differences not for their children sakes but for themselves. That's not to mean that they should discount their children when they make that all important decision but that they should weigh the children in but not as an excuse but as valid reason to stay together or separate.

Donnavila Marie01 · Post by **Donnavila Marie01** » 11 Jul 2017, 06:00

Vickie Noel wrote:Some things never really change. An abusive relationship has a negative effect on the victims and even onlookers because if care is not taken, sympathy disappears and others begin to feel comfortable abusing those who refuse to stand up for themselves simply because they allowed it become a norm. Unfulfilling marriages have a glimmer of hope if they endure and actively work together to reverse their status, not just for the kids alone but for the sake of their own friendship and companionship. This will eventually augur well for the entire family.

I agree. It takes two to tango. It is a two-way process.