What is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma?

love_b00ks · Post by **love_b00ks** » 23 Apr 2018, 08:06

One way to overcome abuse and trauma is to divert your attention into something else, so that was what the main character did. However, I think that that would not completely address the root of the problem but would just try to cover it up. I believe that it is best for the abused to be able to be at peace with his or her past, to a point where he or she would learn that it is a part of life and that there is a reason for why they happened. I am not saying that this can be done easily, it is definitely hard work and would require other people's help, could be a support group, church participation, regular counseling, etc. The thing is, the wound won't heal by trying to conceal it as if it is not there but by trying to address its main source.

cianarae · Post by **cianarae** » 23 Apr 2018, 13:56

I think it's very difficult to say what the best way to respond to trauma is, because it's going to be different for every single person and different in every single situation. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to respond to trauma - some people get angry, sad; some people find humor in their trauma and laugh; some people seek help, some people don't.

I bet that if an author has been through a similar trauma themselves, it could be both hard but also healing for them to write about it. I imagine that it depends on the author.

Mel_Mel 777 · Post by **Mel_Mel 777** » 23 Apr 2018, 20:48

The best way to overcome abuse and trauma is to distance yourself from the person or thing that is causing it. Realize that you are human and move on talk to people or someone who can offer you support through it all and most importantly believe in yourself that you will not tolerate such actions in your life that you deserve so much better. Forgive yourself knowing its not your fault. Love yourself be surrounded by family and friends and forgive.

Dommom · Post by **Dommom** » 24 Apr 2018, 02:11

It's always pretty rough when the person that's supposed to protect you is the one hurting you. It may be accelerated by the alcohol, but it's not bringing out something that wasn't already there. There really nothin specific when it comes to moving past the damages done. Everybody is different so you have to find what works for you.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:07

atonykamau wrote: ↑16 Apr 2018, 08:42 I find that having the support of friends and family is the best way to overcome abuse and trauma.

Normally, you are right. In Natalie's case, the abuse takes place in the family environment and she has no other close friend to rely on. This is also the reason why she is so vulnerable in front of Bruce Glover.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:09

Alijeff wrote: ↑16 Apr 2018, 11:26 For me I think fighting back could not be the best solution to that, she should take the matter to the police and as well report to the child rights so that they can come talk to the step Dad advice him and if the situation persist then they take legal action against him.

This is indeed a very pragmatic solution although there are so many other factors to take into consideration.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:13

PaigeA wrote: ↑16 Apr 2018, 15:39 There is a lot of research going on right now about trauma and the devastating effects it can have. I work in public health and our city is currently trying to become a "trauma informed community." I definitely think art can be a great way to deal with trauma does like the character in this book does. I worked as a music therapy intern for a year for terminally ill veterans, and I saw the amazing effect art can have for a person who is suffering through a very difficult situation or for people who had traumatic events in their past.

I also noticed what an amazing therapeutic effect music can have on changing people's state of mind and giving them some hope. Thank you for sharing your experience!

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:18

RebeccasReading wrote: ↑16 Apr 2018, 17:46 Everyone copes in their own to trauma. Some people need to stay busy, others need alone time. Therapy is a great resource for anyone who has the ability to utilize it.

I am not so sure if so much loneliness is beneficial, though. Perhaps keeping yourself busy and socially active are more likely to get you out of your shell.

Norhanifa27 · Post by **Norhanifa27** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:23

The best way to overcome trauma is to learn how to see things in a positive. Talk about it. Feel the pain but never get drowned. Pain is bearable after a while. Be more motivated to start anew, use your traumatic experience to be the best.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:24

aadenzane4 wrote: ↑16 Apr 2018, 19:57 I have experienced trauma. .and it's really not easy to overcome. .it takes a years for me to overcome. .and all you have to do is pray. .be strong. .and find someone or people that you can share your experienced. .

I am happy if praying works for you. Many people find it very difficult to cope with the consequences of abuse and trauma only by praying, especially since there is obviously no immediate answer or solution. Besides, a frequent and logical question people experiencing abuse and trauma ask themselves is: how could God allow this to happen?

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:27

Aratmary wrote: ↑17 Apr 2018, 09:32 The best way to overcome trauma trauma and abuse is to firstly leave the environment where you experienced to a new environment, then seek counsel from experts on how to overcome and surround yourself with people that love and care for you.

My question is: what if you have nowhere else to go? Where could Natalie have gone?

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:30

CHRIS2428 wrote: ↑17 Apr 2018, 01:00 I guess the best way to overcome abuse and trauma is to fight back just like what Natalie did, and to stand strong no matter what it takes. Believe in yourself that you can and you will.

I agree with you that you need to fight back and never accept abuse. The only problem is the method you use to fight back. Anyway, it depends on the type and gravity of the abuse.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:37

teacherjh wrote: ↑17 Apr 2018, 11:39 I have found working through my own issues and counseling others that the longer a person focuses on who's fault it is that they were hurt, the longer they stay in pain. I had to come to the realization that I could spend my life blaming my past for ruining my present or I could take responsibility for today and make the future what I wanted it to be.
I also spent many years in counseling to help me release the pain of the past. As one of my spiritual guides tells me, forgiveness is not letting the person off the hook but choosing not to live in the pain or let it control you.

I know what you are saying and you are perfectly right. I have to wonder, though, isn't it normal to want the abuser to be punished for what he did and to prevent him from doing the same thing to other persons? I think the ideal way would be for the abuser to ask for forgiveness and try to explain to his victim why he did what he did. I've read some things about what it means for both the abused and the abuser to confront each other after they are no longer in the respective situation and find some peace of mind in this way.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:41

68+50 wrote: ↑17 Apr 2018, 12:25 How can you over come abuse?
Personally I feel everyone can read about it and learn as much as possible about abuse. However, to truly speak about and offer advice or suggestions of "how." You need to have experienced and lived abuse and survived it.

I think sharing our thoughts and ideas on the matter is helpful for making people feel they are not alone and that there are means of dealing with even the most horrendous experiences.

Cristina Chifane · Post by **Cristina Chifane** » 24 Apr 2018, 05:59

amy1825 wrote: ↑17 Apr 2018, 12:35 What is your view on the matter?
I think any type of abuse or neglect is horrible. It doesn't matter who it is towards, but towards children it is exceptionally horrendous.

Is the alcoholic father the only responsible in the family equation?
Any family member that allows the abuse to happen without reporting it needs to share the responsibility.

Which are the best means of responding to abuse and other traumatic experiences?
I love how she responds with art. Writing could be another outlet. Therapy, obviously , is the most important means of responding.

Do you think it is difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations?
I think it is very difficult for a writer to describe abusive situations if they have been abused themselves. It would draw up bad memories, but it would also be getting it out, and be a form of therapy or healing. It would not be as difficult to a writer who had no experience in abuse, but their writing would also not be as authentic or real.

Your organized answer makes me think you have a methodical mind.

Therapy, painting or writing are indeed good means of coping with abuse and trauma.