Official Review: Dancing with chaos by Indigo

[Tamorie Hargro]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Dancing with chaos" by Indigo.]

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3 out of 4 stars

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Dancing with Chaos is an emotional memoir about unstable beginnings, waves of hardship, and years of perseverance. Indigo, born Juliet Hegdal in Manhattan, New York to a mother suffering from schizophrenia, has witnessed the world through a pair of foggy lenses. As she tries taking hold of her life, Indigo comes to the frightening discovery that her journey with mental illness does not end with her mother. With themes surrounding family and friendships, love, travel, health and mental illness, Indigo fuses her real-life traumas and triumphs with enchanting storytelling that places her history directly into the hands and hearts of her readers.

The memoir starts with a heartfelt poem written by a nursing colleague whose son “went crazy,” a fitting and jolting introduction to the author’s personal story. While Dancing with Chaos is no perfect novel, there are many positive aspects that kept me engaged. To begin with, Indigo is the most dynamic character of her own story. Of course, I found her naïve at times, repeatedly placing herself in negative situations that could have been easily avoided. However, her vulnerability, overshadowed greatly by her hardworking nature, kindness, and likability, made her increasingly human and relatable as I read her story.

From the beginning, Indigo’s life was turbulent, ravished by her mother’s mental and financial instability and prematurely thrust into independence. I enjoyed reading about her persistent attitude, while she also remained fun-loving, gentle, and spirited. I found her story awe inspiring. Throughout most of the story, I felt sad over her adversities and simultaneously proud of the strides she took to secure her own mental and emotional health through travel and teachings in Buddhism. In some ways, it was her own personal travel diary. Where Indigo missed important details in other areas of the novel, she perfected descriptions of scenery and place—described like a painting—and utilized a convincing, emotional voice that helped me picture her in the stages of her life: From a stumbling child desperate for love to a matured woman counting her blessings (even in the dimmest of times). Her descriptions of the tender moments she shared (even with those who disjointed her life) were my absolute favorites.

“There’s a thing about the night sky in the desert. It’s like magic. The sky becomes much larger than the earth and not so very far away. It looks like if you walk far enough, you will touch it and just tumble off into the stars.” - Indigo

Though I relished many areas of Indigo’s novel, there were a few things that I could not get over. For starters, there were so many comma inconsistencies that I went from believing that the missing commas were stylistic choice to real grammatical mistakes. For instance, sometimes “but” would be with or without a comma even while being used as a conjunction in both events. Other times, commas were unnecessarily used, such as in: “His hands would shake so, that it was difficult for him to get a cup of morning coffee…” Other mistakes included leaving out letters; separating compound words; creating awkward sentences (“our four-years daughter,” “once and a while,” “out of doors,” etc.); among other things. I also had a big problem with Indigo abbreviating H.S. (high school) and N.Y. (New York) at nearly every occurrence. Writing them out fully (at least the majority of the time) would have disrupted the flow of my reading less frequently. I found this an aspect of lazy writing.

Most upsetting was how severely the author struggled with time specificity. From beginning to end of the book, Indigo often left out details about herself that would have been extremely useful. For starters, her age and the year, or even a rough estimate (60s, 70s, etc.) in more instances, would have been nice. Indigo would often write, “Back in those days…,” “At the time when I was in Jr. High, the threat of nuclear war…,” etc., but would almost never include sufficient dates to support these facts/events. As a reader, I was left wondering when these things happened and got lost trying to picture where in time Indigo was standing. Amazingly, the last age I remember Indigo being is 41 years-old, cleverly mentioned in Chapter 41, but with no indication of year (my best guess is early 2000s…). There are 60 chapters in the book; thus, I have no idea of her true age by the end of her memoir.

For further perspective, time also eluded her during several transitions within the story. One minute, Indigo is swaying in the street at a music festival, and the next, she’s claimed to have undergone “a full day of medical tests” within the next paragraph (a few sentences later)... and four months have passed? I remain confused.

Again, while not perfect, I still thoroughly enjoyed Indigo’s journey and how beautifully she depicted it more than I was boggled by its errors. Thus, I will rate this book 3 out of 4 stars. I could see this memoir as a helping hand to similarly splintered souls and would recommend it to those in need of a bit of guidance. I also believe that those who love stories of emotional family ties would enjoy giving this novel a read.

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Dancing with chaos
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[khaulah]

A shizophrenic mother and a mental illness story? Intriguing! It's a shame about the lack of details and editing errors though. Thank you for your amazing review.

[Tamorie Hargro]

A shizophrenic mother and a mental illness story? Intriguing! It's a shame about the lack of details and editing errors though. Thank you for your amazing review.

It truly is an intriguing story. I think lots of people would have at least one thing to take away from the novel after reading it! And, yes, another once over to fix those errors would do this book a great deal of good. Thanks for commenting!

[mary-annef]

What a beautifully written review. I'm sure the author will apply herself to the shortfalls you've pointed out, given your sensitive approach to her work.

[Tamorie Hargro]

What a beautifully written review. I'm sure the author will apply herself to the shortfalls you've pointed out, given your sensitive approach to her work.

Thank you very much! I really hope she does, as I'm sure readers would be much more taken with her story without them. Thanks for commenting

[Nisha Ward]

A rale of mental illness and dealing with a loved one who has succumbed to it is always welcomed, though I do worry about the lack of time indicators. It must have been a pain to keep track of.

[Tamorie Hargro]

A rale of mental illness and dealing with a loved one who has succumbed to it is always welcomed, though I do worry about the lack of time indicators. It must have been a pain to keep track of.

Absolutely. I'm a sucker for "underdog" and personal growth stories, so this one was definitely a welcome read that was easily enjoyable. You're spot on about the time indicators, though, it disrupted the flow of the story more times than I cared for. It was the feeling of being left alone in the dark. Thanks for commenting! (:

[Ogoskino]

Editing errors has a way of marring what would have been an otherwise beautiful story. Thanks for your honest review.