Blue Cheese and Candy Corn

Use this forum to post poetry that you have written. This is for getting comments and constructive feedback. This is for original, creative works. You must post the actual text, no links. Only one poem per topic please.
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saikak
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Blue Cheese and Candy Corn

Post by saikak »

The stars and the moon
are like blue cheese and candy corn
they glow and glitter
shiver and sparkle
at dead dreams dangling
in night's flesh and night's blood
faces carved in golden crust
silver dots spelling out my name
which I forget sometimes
but I never forget
my heart that beats and frowns
when life is at the very edge of the roof
ready to let go
but never quite ready for the fall
I never forget
the way his lips curve up
hiding a conspiracy
against my lovely lonely love
I never forget
thoughts buried deep underground
skidding on ice
rolling into doughy balls of sticky strife
I never forget
the stars and the moon
watching me as I watch them
save me from dark prayers
and wish-washy hopes 
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LShonRob
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Post by LShonRob »

I like your use of descriptive words. You can see the imagery that you are trying to create. I was drawn to read this poem by the unique title. You should consider writing poems and books for children. Your unique way of writing would definitely get children excited to read.
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zero_macabre
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Post by zero_macabre »

This is a great poem! I like how you described the moon and stars as blue cheese and candy corn (you can tell that I'm hungry) and I really love what you wrote after each time you wrote 'I never forget...'. Once again, great job on the poem!
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Wasif Ahmed
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Post by Wasif Ahmed »

Really great poem. :) You must have been hungry when you wrote this. ;)
When people say you've changed, it just means that you have stopped living your life, their way.
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LivreAmour217
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Post by LivreAmour217 »

Great poem! Your writing is very descriptive and conjured a myriad of images in my head. I love the title, too, it really grabbed my attention!
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein
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