My frist chapter :)
-
Apf42589
- Posts: 4
- Joined: 14 Jul 2011, 22:33
- Bookshelf Size: 0
My frist chapter :)
Tell me what you think 
Chapter 1
“Tokyo, Japan. June 25, 2008. The beginning”
Zang held onto Yori’s hand, as she dangled off the cliff, which led to complete darkness. His hands began to slip little by little.
“Zang! Please… Please don’t let go!” Yori screamed in horror, as she held onto Zang’s hand.
Moments later, two hands appeared out of the darkness and grabbed both of Yori’s legs. She immediately began to kick her legs back and forth.
“I won’t let go, I promise!” Zang said, as he struggled to hold on.
Zang’s hands began to slip; and Yori’s eyes became overwhelmed in fear. Zang held on as long as he could, but surly enough, he soon watched her disappear into the darkness. He clenched his fists and then slammed them into the ground. Tears came rolling down his face, from his failure.
That is where it all began for an ordinary child, to become one of the most legendary heroes of all time. As the sun rose, it alerted Zang that it was time for school. He slept unconsciously, until he heard…
“Wake up Zang it’s time for school.” his mother, Katsu yelled.
“Yori…!” Zang yelled, but soon noticed that he was home.
“Are you ok? You must have had a bad dream.” Katsu said.
“Thank god it was only a dream… But I never had a dream like that… What time is it?”
“Its 7:00 o‘clock, so get dressed and then come down and eat breakfast.” she said and then exited the room.
A gentle smell came wandering into the room, which almost lifted Zang out of his bed. He sat on the side of his bed, staring at the field of grass and the blanket of trees. At the very end, the sun awaited, as if it watched him get up every morning.
Zang got up, and then headed towards his closet. He picked out a blue cotton T-shirt, which had a small pocket in the upper left hand corner of the shirt, and then tossed the shirt on the bed without looking, as if he were scavenging for something.
“I haven’t worn this in a while.” He said, as he stared at a plain white long sleeve shirt.
He put on the white long sleeve shirt, and then he wore the blue T-shirt on over it. “Here are the jeans that I‘ve been looking for.” he said, as he put on the jeans and then headed downstairs.
Once downstairs, his family was sitting down at the table in the kitchen, where his father Hayate Izumi, his mother Katsu Izumi, and his sister Akemi Izumi. All of them were eating pancakes with eggs on the side.
“It looks really good!” Zang said as he sat down in the chair next to his father.
“Oh, here you go son.” his father said, as he took his plate and placed two pancakes and two scoops of scrambled eggs on the side. “I can’t believe you’re actually ready in time to eat with us.” His father said in a jokingly tone. “So how about we do some training later, when I get off my shift tonight?”
“I don’t know about tonight. I have a date.”
“You have a date?” said his sister Akemi, as a shocked expression took over her face in amazement.
“Well if you needed to know, her name is Yori.”
“Now that’s my boy!” said his father, as he patted Zang on the back.
“Well I’m going now. I’ll see you guys after school.” Zang said, as he grabbed his backpack and left with a smirk on his face.
Once he left his house, he walked towards the school, while he held his backpack on his right shoulder with one hand. From the distance, he saw a couple of friends that he had hung out with a while ago. His memory was vague, and he did not quite remember any of their names. Therefore, he decided to walk casually by, as if he never had met them.
“Hey look… its Zang!” one of the kids’ screamed, in a sarcastic way, as the other two boys just stared, and watched Zang as he passed by. Zang noticed that they were not too friendly anymore, so he decided to keep walking.
“What’s the matter, you can’t say hi?” one of the boys asked, as they surrounded him.
“This doesn’t look to good. There is too many of them for me to fight. It looks like there is no avoiding this one.” Zang said to himself, while he clenched his hands.
“Well teach you a thing or two!” the boy said, as he threw a right hook at Zang. Zang ducked, and then turned to his left, and threw a right jab, which landed right in the stomach of one of the kids. “Why you!” the boy said, as the other kid grabbed both of Zang’s arms. “Now you’re ours!” the boy said with fury, as a smirk appeared on his face.
Fists came from every direction, as Zang was held there helplessly, taking blow after blow. After the kids were satisfied, they gave him one last punch, which sent Zang to the floor. “That’s what he gets for trying to get with my sister. You guys go find Yori and then tell her, Zang is no longer able to see her anymore.” the kid said, as they walked into the distance.
“You punks...” Zang said, as he struggled to get up. Barley able to stand and talk, he said, “Just wait till I get my hands on you… Whom am I kidding…? Yori I’m sorry.” he said to himself, as he stumbled all the way to the school.
Once he arrived at the school, some of the pain had already started to go away. Upon entering, everybody in the hallways immediately stopped what they were doing, to inspect Zang. He stopped paying attention to everybody and walked towards his class. Once he entered his class, his teacher immediately questioned him.
“What happened to you Zang?” said his Math teacher, with a cold and frightened look on her face.
“It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about. Just leave it alone, alright!” Zang said, and then turned to his left to see a horrified expression on Yori’s face. She knew exactly what had happened, as well as, who done it. Just the shock of it made her speechless.
“Zang…” she said, but that was all the words that her body let out.
“Ok class… It’s time to begin today’s lesson in the Pythagorean theorem.” the teacher said, with a sad tone, while she watched Zang, as he stared into space looking outside the window.
Once the bell rang, he ignored everybody including Yori, as he left the room. Once again, everybody was staring at him.
“Zang…!” Yori yelled, as she ran down the hall towards him. “Zang, please wait up!”
“What do you want?”
“It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“Well it did, so I made up my mind.” he said, as he ignored her apologies.
“I can see you’re mad, so I’ll just call you later.” Yori said, as she almost broke into tears.
“Sure… whatever.” he said in sarcasm.
He then left through the front doors by himself, as Yori waited there and watched him leave. “What do I do now? I can’t see or talk to the love of my life without worrying about problems.” he said to himself, as he walked across the street. When he reached the middle, he failed to hear a car coming at a high speed. The car slammed the brakes as it attempted to stop. Zang turns his head to the right, and just as he went to move out the way, it was too late.
The people around were attracted to the nearby crash. He opened his eyes, and he noticed something flying in the distance. “Is that an angel?” he said to himself, questioning his thoughts. “It is an angel! Don‘t tell me I‘m dead. I can’t move and what’s this feeling that I’m getting. It’s like electric flowing through my whole body.”
“Oh my god is he ok?” said a woman in the background wearing a sleeveless red dress.
“Kid…! Somebody call 911!” said the frightened driver. Zang’s electrical feeling disappeared, and he was able to move again.
“I don’t think you hit me?” Zang said, in a questionable tone, while he observed his body and noticed there were no marks, besides the scrapes from falling.
“What are you talking about? You were right in front of me, I saw you go flying to the side!” the driver said.
“Well it’s ok, just next time don’t drive so fast.” Zang said in a gentle tone, as he brushed himself off, and then walked off, leaving everybody at the scene, in shock.
He walked off, forgetting what had happened before the accident. “What was that? I know something was there, I felt It.” Zang said, as he dazed out by the fact that he is not dead. “…And what was that feeling going through my body. I don’t understand what’s going on right now.” he said, and then he walked for a little until he arrived at his house.
“Zang, is that you?” his mother Katsu said, as she washed some dishes in the sink.
“Yea… it’s me. I‘m going upstairs.”
“I thought he had a date today?” his mother questioned to herself.
Zang entered his room and laid on his bed, when suddenly, everything around him faded into darkness.
“What the hell? What’s going on!” he said horrified, as everything disappeared, all except his bed. A bright light came from what used to be the roof. He stared, as a black figure came from the light. The figure looked human, but he had short dark hair, almost as if it were black. He had white, feathery wings, and wore a black tee shirt, that you can see his muscles rip right through them. He wore baggy blue jeans, which fit him as if they were sweat pants. To finish it off, he had a light sword that was on his back, but he did not have a holster.
“Zang, it’s ok. I’m here because we need your help.” said the figure.
“Just who are you, and what are you?” Zang said, as he was still in shock, while he clenched his fists.
“I am your guardian angel. My name is Captain Kazuo. I am the second squad captain of Haven.” said Captain Kazuo, in a majestic voice.
“You mean heaven?” Zang questioned.
“No haven, it’s where all the Gods, Shinigami, and higher rank angels stay.”
“So, what’s heaven then?”
“Heaven is where normal human’s souls go, if a good soul accepted their death a Shinigami will come, and send them to Heaven.” said Captain Kazuo.
“So, why are you here and what do you need with me?”
“We need you to help fight the Demi Gods.” Captain Kazuo answered.
“What’s a Demi God and why me?”
“A Demi God is a normal human but who has been touched by his guardian angel. As well as, for your other question. Your distant grandfather was an extremely powerful Shinigami.” Captain Kazuo said which left Zang completely lost. “In a couple hours, you’re going to go through some changes, unless you decline this offer of course, on the other hand, if you don’t, your world and life can become in great danger.”
“And what do I get out of this?”
“You’re going to get my kiryoku” answered Kazuo
“You’re what?” Zang said even more confused.
“My kiryoku is also called Angelic Blood. When a human comes in contact with an angel, that human will receive that angel’s Angelic Blood. Basically meaning whatever power that angel has.”
“What power do you have?” Zang asked, as his face gained a smile.
“I cannot reveal that, until you accept to help.”
“But, what am I going to do about school, and my family?”
“We will make sure you have time to do all of that, unless something really bad happens, and you might have to miss out on a couple of days.” said Kazuo, as he sent Zang into deep thought.
“So I’m going to help save the world?” Zang asked.
“That is correct.”
“Then count me in!” Zang ordered.
“Great, to make this transformation go faster, I’m going to need you to hold my hand.” Kazuo said, as he put his hand out for Zang to grab hold.
“Let’s do this!” Zang said with excitement, and then grabbed Kazuo’s hand.
At that exact moment, His fingertips went numb. His body went cold, and a shock like pain went though his eyes. Kazuo let go, as Zang fell backwards onto his bed. A few moments later he recovered in shock.
“Here is the last thing I’m going to give you, and please don’t try out your kiryoku here.” Kazuo said, as if had that happen already.
“Ok, I promise!” Zang answered gratefully.
Kazuo put his hands and fingers in a certain position and said, “Kuchiyose!” and then rumbling noises occurred and Zang felt as if wind was blowing past his face. When the wind started to slow down, a book appeared in front of Zang, and Kazuo said, “You have the power to summon.”
Chapter 1
“Tokyo, Japan. June 25, 2008. The beginning”
Zang held onto Yori’s hand, as she dangled off the cliff, which led to complete darkness. His hands began to slip little by little.
“Zang! Please… Please don’t let go!” Yori screamed in horror, as she held onto Zang’s hand.
Moments later, two hands appeared out of the darkness and grabbed both of Yori’s legs. She immediately began to kick her legs back and forth.
“I won’t let go, I promise!” Zang said, as he struggled to hold on.
Zang’s hands began to slip; and Yori’s eyes became overwhelmed in fear. Zang held on as long as he could, but surly enough, he soon watched her disappear into the darkness. He clenched his fists and then slammed them into the ground. Tears came rolling down his face, from his failure.
That is where it all began for an ordinary child, to become one of the most legendary heroes of all time. As the sun rose, it alerted Zang that it was time for school. He slept unconsciously, until he heard…
“Wake up Zang it’s time for school.” his mother, Katsu yelled.
“Yori…!” Zang yelled, but soon noticed that he was home.
“Are you ok? You must have had a bad dream.” Katsu said.
“Thank god it was only a dream… But I never had a dream like that… What time is it?”
“Its 7:00 o‘clock, so get dressed and then come down and eat breakfast.” she said and then exited the room.
A gentle smell came wandering into the room, which almost lifted Zang out of his bed. He sat on the side of his bed, staring at the field of grass and the blanket of trees. At the very end, the sun awaited, as if it watched him get up every morning.
Zang got up, and then headed towards his closet. He picked out a blue cotton T-shirt, which had a small pocket in the upper left hand corner of the shirt, and then tossed the shirt on the bed without looking, as if he were scavenging for something.
“I haven’t worn this in a while.” He said, as he stared at a plain white long sleeve shirt.
He put on the white long sleeve shirt, and then he wore the blue T-shirt on over it. “Here are the jeans that I‘ve been looking for.” he said, as he put on the jeans and then headed downstairs.
Once downstairs, his family was sitting down at the table in the kitchen, where his father Hayate Izumi, his mother Katsu Izumi, and his sister Akemi Izumi. All of them were eating pancakes with eggs on the side.
“It looks really good!” Zang said as he sat down in the chair next to his father.
“Oh, here you go son.” his father said, as he took his plate and placed two pancakes and two scoops of scrambled eggs on the side. “I can’t believe you’re actually ready in time to eat with us.” His father said in a jokingly tone. “So how about we do some training later, when I get off my shift tonight?”
“I don’t know about tonight. I have a date.”
“You have a date?” said his sister Akemi, as a shocked expression took over her face in amazement.
“Well if you needed to know, her name is Yori.”
“Now that’s my boy!” said his father, as he patted Zang on the back.
“Well I’m going now. I’ll see you guys after school.” Zang said, as he grabbed his backpack and left with a smirk on his face.
Once he left his house, he walked towards the school, while he held his backpack on his right shoulder with one hand. From the distance, he saw a couple of friends that he had hung out with a while ago. His memory was vague, and he did not quite remember any of their names. Therefore, he decided to walk casually by, as if he never had met them.
“Hey look… its Zang!” one of the kids’ screamed, in a sarcastic way, as the other two boys just stared, and watched Zang as he passed by. Zang noticed that they were not too friendly anymore, so he decided to keep walking.
“What’s the matter, you can’t say hi?” one of the boys asked, as they surrounded him.
“This doesn’t look to good. There is too many of them for me to fight. It looks like there is no avoiding this one.” Zang said to himself, while he clenched his hands.
“Well teach you a thing or two!” the boy said, as he threw a right hook at Zang. Zang ducked, and then turned to his left, and threw a right jab, which landed right in the stomach of one of the kids. “Why you!” the boy said, as the other kid grabbed both of Zang’s arms. “Now you’re ours!” the boy said with fury, as a smirk appeared on his face.
Fists came from every direction, as Zang was held there helplessly, taking blow after blow. After the kids were satisfied, they gave him one last punch, which sent Zang to the floor. “That’s what he gets for trying to get with my sister. You guys go find Yori and then tell her, Zang is no longer able to see her anymore.” the kid said, as they walked into the distance.
“You punks...” Zang said, as he struggled to get up. Barley able to stand and talk, he said, “Just wait till I get my hands on you… Whom am I kidding…? Yori I’m sorry.” he said to himself, as he stumbled all the way to the school.
Once he arrived at the school, some of the pain had already started to go away. Upon entering, everybody in the hallways immediately stopped what they were doing, to inspect Zang. He stopped paying attention to everybody and walked towards his class. Once he entered his class, his teacher immediately questioned him.
“What happened to you Zang?” said his Math teacher, with a cold and frightened look on her face.
“It’s nothing. I don’t want to talk about. Just leave it alone, alright!” Zang said, and then turned to his left to see a horrified expression on Yori’s face. She knew exactly what had happened, as well as, who done it. Just the shock of it made her speechless.
“Zang…” she said, but that was all the words that her body let out.
“Ok class… It’s time to begin today’s lesson in the Pythagorean theorem.” the teacher said, with a sad tone, while she watched Zang, as he stared into space looking outside the window.
Once the bell rang, he ignored everybody including Yori, as he left the room. Once again, everybody was staring at him.
“Zang…!” Yori yelled, as she ran down the hall towards him. “Zang, please wait up!”
“What do you want?”
“It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“Well it did, so I made up my mind.” he said, as he ignored her apologies.
“I can see you’re mad, so I’ll just call you later.” Yori said, as she almost broke into tears.
“Sure… whatever.” he said in sarcasm.
He then left through the front doors by himself, as Yori waited there and watched him leave. “What do I do now? I can’t see or talk to the love of my life without worrying about problems.” he said to himself, as he walked across the street. When he reached the middle, he failed to hear a car coming at a high speed. The car slammed the brakes as it attempted to stop. Zang turns his head to the right, and just as he went to move out the way, it was too late.
The people around were attracted to the nearby crash. He opened his eyes, and he noticed something flying in the distance. “Is that an angel?” he said to himself, questioning his thoughts. “It is an angel! Don‘t tell me I‘m dead. I can’t move and what’s this feeling that I’m getting. It’s like electric flowing through my whole body.”
“Oh my god is he ok?” said a woman in the background wearing a sleeveless red dress.
“Kid…! Somebody call 911!” said the frightened driver. Zang’s electrical feeling disappeared, and he was able to move again.
“I don’t think you hit me?” Zang said, in a questionable tone, while he observed his body and noticed there were no marks, besides the scrapes from falling.
“What are you talking about? You were right in front of me, I saw you go flying to the side!” the driver said.
“Well it’s ok, just next time don’t drive so fast.” Zang said in a gentle tone, as he brushed himself off, and then walked off, leaving everybody at the scene, in shock.
He walked off, forgetting what had happened before the accident. “What was that? I know something was there, I felt It.” Zang said, as he dazed out by the fact that he is not dead. “…And what was that feeling going through my body. I don’t understand what’s going on right now.” he said, and then he walked for a little until he arrived at his house.
“Zang, is that you?” his mother Katsu said, as she washed some dishes in the sink.
“Yea… it’s me. I‘m going upstairs.”
“I thought he had a date today?” his mother questioned to herself.
Zang entered his room and laid on his bed, when suddenly, everything around him faded into darkness.
“What the hell? What’s going on!” he said horrified, as everything disappeared, all except his bed. A bright light came from what used to be the roof. He stared, as a black figure came from the light. The figure looked human, but he had short dark hair, almost as if it were black. He had white, feathery wings, and wore a black tee shirt, that you can see his muscles rip right through them. He wore baggy blue jeans, which fit him as if they were sweat pants. To finish it off, he had a light sword that was on his back, but he did not have a holster.
“Zang, it’s ok. I’m here because we need your help.” said the figure.
“Just who are you, and what are you?” Zang said, as he was still in shock, while he clenched his fists.
“I am your guardian angel. My name is Captain Kazuo. I am the second squad captain of Haven.” said Captain Kazuo, in a majestic voice.
“You mean heaven?” Zang questioned.
“No haven, it’s where all the Gods, Shinigami, and higher rank angels stay.”
“So, what’s heaven then?”
“Heaven is where normal human’s souls go, if a good soul accepted their death a Shinigami will come, and send them to Heaven.” said Captain Kazuo.
“So, why are you here and what do you need with me?”
“We need you to help fight the Demi Gods.” Captain Kazuo answered.
“What’s a Demi God and why me?”
“A Demi God is a normal human but who has been touched by his guardian angel. As well as, for your other question. Your distant grandfather was an extremely powerful Shinigami.” Captain Kazuo said which left Zang completely lost. “In a couple hours, you’re going to go through some changes, unless you decline this offer of course, on the other hand, if you don’t, your world and life can become in great danger.”
“And what do I get out of this?”
“You’re going to get my kiryoku” answered Kazuo
“You’re what?” Zang said even more confused.
“My kiryoku is also called Angelic Blood. When a human comes in contact with an angel, that human will receive that angel’s Angelic Blood. Basically meaning whatever power that angel has.”
“What power do you have?” Zang asked, as his face gained a smile.
“I cannot reveal that, until you accept to help.”
“But, what am I going to do about school, and my family?”
“We will make sure you have time to do all of that, unless something really bad happens, and you might have to miss out on a couple of days.” said Kazuo, as he sent Zang into deep thought.
“So I’m going to help save the world?” Zang asked.
“That is correct.”
“Then count me in!” Zang ordered.
“Great, to make this transformation go faster, I’m going to need you to hold my hand.” Kazuo said, as he put his hand out for Zang to grab hold.
“Let’s do this!” Zang said with excitement, and then grabbed Kazuo’s hand.
At that exact moment, His fingertips went numb. His body went cold, and a shock like pain went though his eyes. Kazuo let go, as Zang fell backwards onto his bed. A few moments later he recovered in shock.
“Here is the last thing I’m going to give you, and please don’t try out your kiryoku here.” Kazuo said, as if had that happen already.
“Ok, I promise!” Zang answered gratefully.
Kazuo put his hands and fingers in a certain position and said, “Kuchiyose!” and then rumbling noises occurred and Zang felt as if wind was blowing past his face. When the wind started to slow down, a book appeared in front of Zang, and Kazuo said, “You have the power to summon.”
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Maud Fitch
- Posts: 2730
- Joined: 28 Feb 2011, 23:05
- Favorite Book: The Eyre Affair
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Fantastic!
Very easy to get into, character voices clear, sense of place well defined and plotline nicely revealed.
Please keep writing!
Very easy to get into, character voices clear, sense of place well defined and plotline nicely revealed.
Please keep writing!
"Every story has three sides to it - yours, mine and the facts" Foster Meharny Russell
-
Apf42589
- Posts: 4
- Joined: 14 Jul 2011, 22:33
- Bookshelf Size: 0
Thank you so much for the response. I have the whole book written and published alreadyMaud Fitch wrote:Fantastic!
Very easy to get into, character voices clear, sense of place well defined and plotline nicely revealed.
Please keep writing!
, just wanted to see if I should advertise it more.
