The First Ten Focus Group Feedback for Bird in a Snare: The Lord Hani Mysteries, vol. 1

Alice Heritage

The cover art looks sophisticated and the title is intriguing, but that and the description both on OBC and Amazon point to historical fiction. I wouldn't have sampled this without the programme on the basis of those because this isn't normally my preferred genre. I didn't see any editorial reviews and the customer reviews were mixed, which at least means they're genuine. They showed that this is well researched but possibly confusing. Indeed, I won't buy this today also because I found some aspects distracting - there's something of an information overload with the glossary at the beginning and also there's a little too much telling or repetition. For example, the fact that Abdi-ashirta is not as benign or feeble as he seems is somewhat over-emphasized. I did enjoy the information about Hani's affection for the ducks and birds in general, like his pet heron. This seems professionally edited as I spotted no errors. My main suggestion for improvement is to place the glossary at the end instead of the beginning and to make the historical notes shorter, otherwise readers might be daunted before getting to the story proper. The official OBC review I saw makes some interesting points about the language, which was somewhat helpful, though my decision was mainly based on the sample and my reading preferences.

First Ten review added on June 9, 2022, at 4:57 am by Alice Heritage.

Dzejn_Crvena

Outside this program, I wouldn't have sampled this book because I didn't find the cover appealing. The OBC review and other customer reviews didn't convince me to read it when I learned that it has political and sexual contents. Moreover, I didn't change my mind when I sampled it because I'm overwhelmed with too much information in the historical notes. The book is a historical fiction about Egyptian culture and history. Most characters are against each other, even those who once were friends. Overall, it contains a lot of political drama. I like inclusion of the map that helped me visualize the setting of the story. However, I have trouble remembering the information about Egypt, so I wouldn't read further. The book seems professionally edited, and I don't have suggestions for improvements.

First Ten review added on June 9, 2022, at 4:56 am by Dzejn_Crvena.

Stellah Chege

Based on the cover, I would not have read this book. It did not appeal to me. However, after reading the genre, blurb, editorial reviews, and customer reviews, it made me interested in reading the entire book. Sampling the first ten pages did not change my mind. I would love to read the entire book. The OBC review made me want to read this book as it gave me a summary of what to expect. I loved most how the author has included a map of the area setting. I did not know that Amen was an ancient god! This is why I love historical fiction. I can always learn something from this. I did not find any errors and I believe it is professionally edited. I have no suggestions so far. I will buy and read this book.

First Ten review added on June 9, 2022, at 4:55 am by Stellah Chege.

Gabriella H

The cover looks attractive, and I like the title. Knowing what the book is about now, I also feel the title is fitting. I was drawn to this book after reading the OBC official review. I like history, and I'm interested in ancient Egypt. I'd like to see how Hani will get himself out of the sticky situation he is in. I also like how the book started. I've already learned quite a bit. So, I'll be completing this book. I didn't see any errors in the first ten pages, and I believe they were professionally edited. I have no suggestions for improvements. My decision to read this book wasn't influenced by the blurb, editorial review, or customer reviews. If I weren't a part of this program, I would've sampled this book because of the cover.

First Ten review added on June 9, 2022, at 4:14 am by Gabriella H.

Eunice Geres

I wouldn't have read this book if it weren't on BOTD because it doesn't seem like one I would enjoy. Even though the book cover reminds me of Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan, I feel like I'll be bored reading a historical fiction that is not for young adults. There was nothing in the official review that interested me. When I opened the sample of the book on Amazon, I was impressed that the illustration was very beautiful. The map really looks good. I didn't quite enjoy the sample of the book. It made me remember how hard I found it to read Egyptian names when I read Kane Chronicles before. I liked that there was a long glossary in the beginning. That was really helpful. I find the first chapter to be very slow. However, the imagery was well-done. The author is great at narrating as the readers can easily imagine the surroundings of the ancient times with great details. I will not continue to read this book because I find it too slow, and I feel like I would just get bored trying to remember all the names. I also don't have anything to recommend, as I believe it was already okay. I also didn't encounter any grammatical mistakes in the sample of the book.

First Ten review added on June 9, 2022, at 3:57 am by Eunice Geres.

Jennifer Garcia 555

Historical fiction is not the type of book I usually read. I do like the cover and title so I was interested to read what this book was about. After reading the description and an official OnlineBookClub review, this story does not sound like something I would enjoy, so I would not pick this book to read. I read the sample and did not see any editing errors, so this book seems professionally edited. I like Hani and his love for birds. I felt bad he had to watch others hunt them. I have no suggestions for improvement, but the long similar names made the story a bit hard to follow for me. I was not interested enough in the story to continue reading past the sample pages. The sample did not change my mind about this book, so I will not buy or finish reading it.

First Ten review added on June 9, 2022, at 3:39 am by Jennifer Garcia 555.

KafeliKe

N.L. Holmes' Bird in a Snare seems to be an intriguing and thrilling historical fiction tale that will not disappoint aficionados of the genre. It is a story set in ancient Egypt approximately 1350 BCE, during which time the kingdom underwent many changes brought about by Akhenaten, the late Amenhotep III's son. He had ascended to the throne after his father. The religious reforms were among the changes he made. The inclusion of a map that gives a vivid picture of the places discussed in the book is the aspect of the novel that I liked the most in the sample that I read. In the first ten pages, I didn't find anything that I didn't like. The book has a great cover and is well-structured. On OnlineBookClub, it had a well-written review that included a detailed summary of the book's content. It was amazing. I'm not a big lover of historical fiction, so I'll pass on this one. Although this book had great customer reviews, a well-designed cover, and well-written reviews, none of these factors influenced my decision to not finish it. It appears to have been professionally edited, as there were no errors in the sample I read. The novel is satisfactory, and nothing more can be done to improve it.

First Ten review added on June 9, 2022, at 2:15 am by KafeliKe.

Jorge Leon Salazar

The cover and title are catchy and creative but at first glance, they don't suggest what the story is about. I'm unsure if interested users will be attracted. In general, I like historical fiction. The blurb comments that the story revolves around Hani, who during the investigation of a murder discovers corruption and other irregularities. Also, the blurb indicates his investigation is complicated by the new king's religious reforms. However, he sets out to gather enough evidence for his superiors to prosecute wrongdoers, despite the king's protection. Most of the customer reviews are favorable. Based on these elements I could give this book a try. I found the historical notes educational as it gives a general idea of the history around the religious reforms that King Amen-hotep IV imposed. He replaced with the Aten, the Theban gods Amen-Ra and his family. Plus, I consider the inclusion of a list of characters very opportune since many names are difficult to remember. Even some characters are known by two names, as in the case of kings. The first pages felt slow to me as not much action happens. Although they serve to portray some characters like Hani and his family and the hapiru leader, Abdi-ashirta. However, a lot of these pages were devoted to situations like duck hunting or dinner at Hani's house. I was impressed by the character of Baket-Iset who is bedridden and unable to move from the neck down. Abdi-ashirta is an intriguing character since he seems to have a hidden agenda not only from Hani but also from the king. For example, it is strange he mentioned the phrase "I don't lack for successors." What I sampled did not completely capture me as it was a bit slow and I found it difficult to follow. Therefore, I decided not to read the rest of the book. The official OnlineBookClub review indicates the book explores the theme of religious reform and its impact on common people. In addition, it mentions the story is presented in the vernacular. The editing looks outstanding since I did not see any detail to comment on. Overall, I didn't see anything that I believe could be improved. In summary, I will not read the rest of the book.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 10:45 pm by Jorge Leon Salazar.

Owuamanam Eberechukwu

Hani was taking Ahdi-Ashwitha to witness and feel the sacred and mighty river. In the first few pages, the author describes the events and how Hani has come to see the ducks in the river as friends. I don’t really have anything I like in the pages I read. The cover design and title are not good enough to make me choose the book. The beginning pages seemed bland. The cover page and title seemed influenced by cultural and religious beliefs. The pages I read are exceptionally well edited. However, the names in the book are really difficult to read. I suggest the author should revamp the book. I will not buy and read the book because the first ten pages were so dry and boring that I nearly fell asleep while struggling to read them. This is my personal thoughts and was not influenced by reviews, comments, or blurbs on OBC or not.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 6:01 pm by Owuamanam Eberechukwu.

Michelle Menezes

Based on the title and cover, I thought that the book would be a modern mystery novel. But it turned out I was wrong, and the book was a historical mystery. The blurb was interesting, and since I find the setting of ancient Egypt fascinating, I had a positive feeling about the book. I avoid reading editorial and customer reviews, as I like to form my own opinions, but I did read the Official OnlineBookClub review, and it had good things to say about the book. Based on all the above things, I decided to give it a try. After reading the first ten pages, I have decided not to continue with it. I liked the writing style; it is descriptive and has a lyrical quality to it. The beginning didn't have much going on except Hani entertaining Lord Abdi-ashirta. The only reason I won't be reading the book is because of the complicated names of people and places. Despite a glossary being provided at the start of the book, I have a feeling I'd be confused. I don't think the book needs any improvement, and I didn't notice any errors, so the book seems professionally edited.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 1:45 pm by Michelle Menezes.

Ayomikun Babalola

I would definitely have picked this book. I don't usually read political fiction. Therefore, the genre would have discouraged me from purchasing this book. However, the blurb was what sold this book to me. This is because I love stories that are inspired by ancient civilizations. The cover and title are also aesthetically pleasing. The book seems highly praised in its editorial and customer reviews, but they did not influence my opinion. I am going to buy this book. I've always loved getting my hands on anything that talks about ancient civilizations, and novels are not the exception. Upon reading the first ten pages, it is easy to see how amazingly skilled the author is. I soon found myself absorbed in the story, desperate to read more. The first ten pages reaffirmed my original opinion of this book.

I found no errors while I read this book. This is a testament to the professional editing this book must have received. It was a nice surprise to find out that the author is an archaeologist herself. It spoke of how accurate this book would be in depicting the era. I loved the author's skill in setting a scene. Furthermore, I was never bored. I feel it would be a bonus if this book could be added to a genre that represents the elements of ancient history as well. This would draw in people who love reading books based on ancient history. Though this book had an official Onlinebookclub review, it did not influence my opinion at all.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 7:05 am by Ayomikun Babalola.

Andrada Madalina

"Bird in a Snare" by N.L. Holmes is a historical fiction that illustrates the 14th-century Egyptian kingdom. I would not have sampled the book based only on its title, cover, and blurb. However, I was intrigued by the two Official OnlineBookClub reviews. The book seems professionally edited. I liked the brief dialogues and descriptive passages, but I will not read the whole book because I disliked the plot focusing on Lord Hani and Akhenaten's reign.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 5:34 am by Andrada Madalina.

Rita Nuncia

Bird in a Snare by N.L. Holmes is a crime thriller blended with historical fiction. The book is about Lord Hani, an Egyptian diplomat under the rule of Akhenaten, who was sent to investigate the murder of a bandit leader in Syria. During the investigation, he encounters corruption, tangled relationships, and yet more murder. His investigation is complicated by the new king’s religious reforms, which have struck Hani’s own family to the core. Lord Hani’s mission is to amass enough evidence for his superiors to prosecute the wrongdoers despite the king’s protection. Historical crime thriller books especially on Egyptian histories are one of the most intriguing genres I have ever read. I was very excited after reading a review on this book as I found out the genre of this book. I would have read it without the First Ten program being the reason. After reading the first ten pages of this book, I am happy to know that I was not mistaken. The few pages that I have read are so interesting, thrilling, intriguing, informative, and suspenseful. Therefore, I would love to buy and read the whole book. This book seems professionally edited as I did not notice any grammatical or typographical errors while reading the first ten pages of the book. I like the cover of the book, the author used an Egyptian drawing which I believe is important to the plot of the book. I do not see anything that needs to be improved as I did not notice any fault in the few pages I read. I read an OnlineBookClub official review and it convinced me of how interesting the book is.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 3:53 am by Rita Nuncia.

Vidhi Adhikari

Although this book has received numerous positive customer and OBC reviews, I was expecting a little more twist in the story mentioned in the description, apart from the book being a historical fiction set in Egypt. Plus the title and cover could also use a little sprucing up. Although I loved the images of the maps in the book, I found some punctuation errors and unnecessarily long sentences in the text ('It is worth noting that, for most of its history, Egypt was divided into two parts, the Upper and Lower, originally two separate kingdoms and always very different in geography and temperament.'). Also, since the writing style of the book is not simple enough, I will not be finishing it anytime soon. I would also suggest fixing the alignment of the text in the first few pages.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 2:44 am by Vidhi Adhikari.

Harsh Soni 3

After looking at the cover and title, the book seems like a historical fiction that I, generally, don't read. Then, I read the Official OBC review of the book (after that I don't need any other blurb or review) where I came to know that the book contains crude language and instances of sexual acts which further increases my first impression towards the book. So, I am going to pass this book because of the reasons mentioned above. After reading the sample, I found that the author includes the map and short descriptions of characters in the book. But my favourite thing about the book is that the author tells the readers which character is fiction and which is not. And I believe every historical fiction should also tell the readers which character is fiction and which is not to better distinguish between fiction and reality. I found no errors in the book. I have no suggestions.

First Ten review added on June 8, 2022, at 2:33 am by Harsh Soni 3.

Damian Keyes

I was able to read a sample of Bird in a Snare through Amazon. From the first moment I started reading the story, I could tell this takes place during ancient times. Honestly, I was not interested in reading anymore because I saw the long list of characters in this book—it's extensive. I think the author should move the glossary of names near the end of the book. I was overwhelmed to see that many names I would have to memorize. Before I read the official review of this book on the OnlineBookClub website, the book title and cover stood out to me. In my reading of the story, I admired Lord Hani's dedication and love for his family. I'm family-oriented, so that stood out to me. I did not find any grammar or spelling errors in what I read, so I can tell that this book is professionally edited. Unfortunately, I won't be buying this book; it just doesn't suit me.

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 10:32 pm by Damian Keyes.

Sushan Ekanayake

Bird in a Snare: The Lord Hani Mysteries, vol. 1, the cover page features a bird and a sword. And the title itself reveals that there is a mystery inside. The Genre is historical fiction, about which I have mixed feelings. Blurb summarises that the book is a historical fiction with a mystery to be solved by a character who has to save his own life first, like a bird in a snare. The editorial review and the customer reviews have highly appreciated the book. But none of them were convincing enough for me to choose this to read, since none of them highlighted any unique feature about the book comparing to historical fiction that are related to ancient Egypt.

The initial pages describe a meal offered by the protagonist to an outlaw-leader. The start was quite slow, and the way that the author starts to build up the story hints that this is quite a complex mystery case, which I usually do not prefer as I love to get to the end quickly. So my initial thought on not going to read this was unchanged after reading the first ten pages.

Anyway, the book was professionally edited, and the initial pages were free of errors. I liked how the author gave the reader little by little details building the picture of ancient Egypt starting from the very beginning. Nothing specific noted that could be improved within what I read.

There were official OBC reviews, and many volunteer reviews as well. They highly praised the book, but none of them changed my mind as the thought of "this book is not for me" had already sunk to my mind.

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 10:05 pm by Sushan Ekanayake.

Hazel Arnaiz

I will skip this book outside the program. Looking at the cover and title, I am clueless about the contents. Based on the blurb, the plot about politics and murder sounds usual to the genre. Customer reviews are mostly positive. After sampling, I appreciate the historical notes and glossary. The context manages the expectations of the audience before starting the story. Likewise, it says the names are the original spellings. But I find them challenging to read. I suggest adding the pronunciation of these terms. Having an idea of what they sound like will help me remember. The sample did not change my mind, and I will still pass on this one. The initial chapters did not build enough intrigue to continue reading the book. It focused more on the vivid description of the surroundings and lifestyle of the characters. Also, the pace is slow to my liking. As for editing issues, here are some examples.

Location 57. Grammar. It seems a preposition is missing. Consider adding "for."

Since Akhenaten is known to have reigned [] seventeen years, this would move his death date earlier than the commonly accepted one.

Location 66. Grammar. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

This collection of diplomatic correspondences from the reigns of Amenhotep III and IV [were] found at Akhet-aten (today Tell el-Amarna), the new capital established by Akhenaten.

The official OnlineBookClub review has helpful insights.

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 9:15 pm by Hazel Arnaiz.

Soraya Bayah

I did not feel interested in the plot of this book, as it dives deeply into history. I am not up to a book that heavily requires me to learn more about civilization. If I were more familiar with the history and enjoyed it, I would have certainly cherished this one, along with many others. I would not have picked up this book from the title, genre, cover, or review like OBC, as I do not enjoy historical fiction much. I did not find typographical errors. I enjoyed the descriptive writing and the smooth narration. The introduction was commendable and did not feel tedious. I wonder why the lord is so confident. It is as if he knows he needs successors. I am sure those who prefer historical fiction will find this an enlightening and enjoyable book. Well written, but I will have to skip it.

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 4:10 pm by Soraya Bayah.

Amy Luman

I appreciated the glossaries of names, places, and gods at the beginning of the book. However, historical fiction is one of my least favorite genres, so I will not be reading the rest of this book. All of the names are very confusing to me and would make keeping track very difficult. The reviews, including the OBC one, and the blurb made mention of the fact that ancient Egyptians considered their kings to be gods. The title and cover probably reflect how Hani felt as his religious beliefs were undermined. I can’t suggest any improvements, and I do think that this was professionally edited. 

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 2:38 pm by Amy Luman.

markodim721

I would choose to read a sample of this book because of the title and cover. I read customer reviews, the blurb, and the Official OnlineBookClub review but they did not influence my decision. One of the editor reviews pointed out the similarity of Lord Hani with Hercule Poirot and in that sense, it influenced my decision. The title of the book contains refined symbolism of hunting. The cover of the book fits well with the title and the design is reminiscent of ancient Egypt. I will read the book because I am interested in learning more about life in ancient Egypt. While reading the sample I did not notice any errors or typos and the book seems like it is professionally edited. Reading the sample did not change my mind from my original guess. I like how the duck hunt is described and especially the detail when the servants were sent to pick up the prey before the crocodiles got wind of them because it looks very authentic. I don't think anything needs to be improved in the book.

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 1:52 pm by markodim721.

Rosemary Owolabi

The title of the book, "Bird in a Snare" by N.L. Holmes, is large enough for any reader to see. The name of the author is also unmistakable. The art cover of a bird with a sword hints at what the book might be about in a subtle way. I will say this is cleverly done. I like everything about the front cover of this book.

I was able to get a free sample of this book on the Kindle Unlimited app. If not for the first ten pages, I might never have come across this book. I appreciate the OnlineBookClub for this program. The instructions given on how to sample this book didn't lead me to the book's first ten-page sample.

I like how a map (the Egyptian Empire) is included, the names of the characters, a glossary of the gods, and a glossary of terms and places are also included. This is to make the book more accessible and easy to navigate. I will buy and read the remaining chapters of the book because I already like the character of Hani. He seems like a smart, thoughtful, and friendly man. Hani is not a vegetarian, but he seems to respect these unusual friends (fowls). When his guest, Abdi-ashirta, hunts the fowls with Hani's servants, Ashi-ashirta prefers to hunt rather than just watch like Hani. Abdi-ashirta finds not hunting the fowl absurd, but Hani doesn't care. I like Hani's attitude and consideration. I like the way the story begins on a light note. I want to buy the book to see where the remaining story leads Hani. I like his character already and I think he will continue to make the right decisions in this story. The story is still developing, and I like the direction it is going. The reason I want to get it is that it fits into the kind of genre of books I like to read. I would like to have it on my bookshelf. 

I noticed some formatting issues, but the story seemed to be professionally edited. I didn't notice any errors or typos. The formatting issues should be improved upon.

The book had no OnlineBookClub review that I saw, but this didn't affect my decision. 

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 12:50 pm by Rosemary Owolabi.

Kira Bonita Reece

This is a book that explores ancient Egypt during a time when there was religious turmoil. The official OnlineBookClub review had high praises for this book and states that it is written in simple language.

I would not choose to read this book based on the cover, blurb, title, or genre. I was not able to sample the book so I'm not sure if it was professionally edited or not and if any improvements are needed. I won't be reading this one because I'm not interested in ancient Egypt and I wasn't able to view a sample.

First Ten review added on June 7, 2022, at 11:23 am by Kira Bonita Reece.

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