Are The Parent To Blame?

[evraealtana]

I think they all did the best they could based on their life experience, and that is all you can expect from people.

Very true. If we knew the "right" way to raise children, then there wouldn't still be hundreds of books on the subject, debates raging, etc. Everyone just does the best they can with the hand they're dealt. You will inevitably "mess up" with your kids, just like your parents "messed up" in raising you, and their parents with them, and every parent since the dawn of humanity. Nobody has the answers. All we can do is try.

[SophiaNd]

Parents are the very first teachers of every child. Any foundation that was missed at childhood, will be a very difficult one to instil, if ever the parent gets te opportunity. Granted that friends and environment has it's own roles, but parents are the ones that mould a child's character from the foundation. Once the home front is strong, the rest will fall in place.

[spencermack]

We are all a victim or beneficiary of our circumstance. Thought some people rise above, many people stick to what they were provided.

[kdstrack]

As parents, there is no way to avoid "mistakes". There are no perfect parents. As adults, we now have a choice of either blaming our parents, or to accepting them as fallible humans who did what they thought was the best at the time. I think Kalayla learned this lesson and was able to overcome her anger and start looking for solutions and ways to heal her family.

[JGretz-7]

Parents are forced to make numerous decisions all the time. Sometimes without all the facts. Sometimes not in agreement with the other parent(s). It's not easy. No one is perfect. As long as parents learn from their mistakes, are transparent and honest with their kids, and always come from a place of love and guidance, then things will turn out just fine.

[Astrolorraine]

I'd say it has to do with nature vs nurture - yes, parenting has an impact but as an adult, you are responsible for your own behavior, choices, etc. Especially considering the kids turned out ok as adults, I'd say any negative impact the parents have had must have been very minimal.

[Readinggrl18]

I think parenting was most certainly an issue in this book. Every parent is going to make mistakes. How we were raised and our experiences in life can make a big difference in how we parent as well. Of course we have the responsibility to work through our own issues and try to be better for the next generation. Maureen was too focused on her art and her own needs. Of course she was working to support Kalayla but she ignored her so often, even when Jamal was still around. Once Jamal died, she was stuck in grief. It was great that she recognized that Lena was a good support with a lot of knowledge. I do wonder if some of Maureen's hands off approach to parenting was due to being controlled by her own parents. With Lena, she was most certainly affected in her parenting by the fear she faced every day. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for her. I do wonder why it took her so long to make an effort with her remaining sons once Joey was out of the picture. I don't know why Joey was so rough on his children but he was not good at seeing what his boys needed or wanted. Of course for all of them, making mistakes helps us grow. Lena and Maureen both grew through their failures and became better parents along the way.

[Elvis Best]

I have seen bad children who were by good parents, and I have seen good kids come out from very bad and broken homes. Sometimes, it's hard to apportion blame to parents for their children's upbringing.

In Joey and Lena's case, I believe they were both doing what they thought was right. In Maureen's case, she was trying her best to raise a kid while working for the most part.

In my opinion, they were all doing what they could for their kids.

[gacoapstick]

First off, I am not a parent, so I can only speak from observations, not experience. But it's safe to say that parenting is a very complex and multifaceted part of life, with a lot of gray areas. All a person can do is what they think is best for their child. Of course, some people don't do that (Maureen's mom for example), but I think most of the parents in the story do what they can. Yes, Maureen spends much more time working than with Kalayla, but at least Kalayla is provided for. Also, it seems Maureen has more time for Kalayla as the story progresses. Lena was in a terrible situation while raising her boys, but she at least tried to make the best of it. She does waste a lot of time once they have moved out, but in the end reaches out and continues trying. I think that was one of the main lessons from the book, that we shouldn't consume ourselves with regret, but focus on making the future better.

[Michele H]

I agree with everyone’s comments about taking responsibility and the fact that all parents wonder if they’re making decisions that negatively affect their children. In my opinion the factor that really seem to mold each of the characters had more to do with the secrets that were kept in the lies that were told.

[_claudi_]

One thing I have learnt through life experience is that one can only try. You can teach a kid how to act right, scold and even punish. If the kid decides not to follow the guidance, who is to blame in that instance? So, personally I cant just say the parents are to blame as there are also external factors that influence kids.

[jdsatosk]

It sounds a hard to draw the line on parenting - how hands off/hands on to be? It always seems that if one grows up with interfering and strict parents, they want to be very free and relaxed parent- as well as the opposite way. Something in between may be best, but the level of intervention has to be adjusted to each child. And all too often it seems you don’t know until it is too late that what you are doing isn’t what’s right. It seems an impossible thing to decide on and succeed at!

[jdsatosk]

It is easy in hind sight to say they should have done differently, but it is often too late when you realize your method is not working. You can only go off of your own experiences and observations to decide. Parenting definitely has an impact on outcome, but the human mind is complex and you never know how parenting will work out from person to person.

[Hester3]

Parents have a very little window during which to teach children, after the age of twelve most children begin to make their own decisions. Most children also disregard their parents as teenagers and then later on in life turn back to the way their parents raised them. I believe that most parents does influence their children's moral compass and the way they view the world, but the children decides whether to follow their parents example or reject it.

[Samana95]

Parenting is difficult. Every parent believes that they're doing the right thing when it comes to parenting their children. But despite, ones' upbringing, it's up to the individual to decide what they want.