Did this book change your perspective on 'the cheater' in any way?

[Ten10]

Yes, I felt sorry for the protagonist. His love life with Rachel fell apart once they got their kids. Rachel got too absorbed into taking care of her kids and in the process forgot about her husband needs. It is this that forced the protagonist to cheat out of desperation.

[Jyockel08]

Sometimes I’m amazed when I know I feel very strongly about a certain subject, but an author can totally change my thought process through their writing. It’s pretty incredible.

[readerrihana]

Yes, i think marriages require work and respect for the other. The writer did a good job of showing how certain behaviours can lead up to an affair. Whereas cheating is wrong of course, I guess I could totally see why it happened and really felt sorry for the main character because i felt he had somehow been driven to that and had not really wanted to do that (for years had never thought of it) and he took all the blame, whereas his wife was largely at fault for being a very unsupportive and negligent wife.

[eastandalchemy]

While I don't think anyone condones cheating, most of us will admit to making poor decisions. This book does a great job showing how poor decisions (seemingly so minuscule at the time) can domino into a series of unfortunate events and pain for ourselves and others.

[Jesse Nicolas Presgraves]

I still don't agree with cheating. If you're unhappy in a relationship or marriage, then get out of it. Don't stay somewhere you aren't happy. Then once you're out you can begin a new relationship with the person that makes you happy.

[nefitzgerald]

Firstly, I think all the wives/girlfriends were saints. Letting their partners go off an annual man mission regardless of circumstances at home, is almost beyond belief. And let's not forget that none of these trips were cheap, they all would have cost a small fortune, although the book never talks about this. On top of that, there was clearly a lot of sports gear and gadget buying to accompany the trips.
On the flip side, I do think the male bonding and escapism is necessary in life, but it doesn't need to be so extreme and expensive.
And despite their male bonding, they all suffered in silence anyway and didn't share their inner emotions with each other until it was too late.
Getting to the point about the cheating then, yes I felt sorry for the man character and also his wife, children and parents. Actually what the book serves to prove is that cheating is wrong and can never be the right action to take. What follows is utter heartbreak and destruction all round. But the book helps us understand the pressure men face and how many of them simply can't or won't express their feelings, fearing they will appear weak or a failure. I was worried this could have ended up with a much darker outcome, male suicide being a current topic gaining much support in the UK.
What I hope is it encourages men to feel they can bare their soul to loved ones and that in our relationships, we have more empathy with each other.

[FABIAN_BATS]

I honestly still have a hard time really feeling sorry for him or thinking he was justified. Yes, his wife was not supportive, but she was run ragged taking care of three kids while he went gallivanting off on vacations. I never really noticed him going out of his way to make her feel loved either. Plus, in modern society, it's really not that hard to get a divorce if you aren't happy. Yes, he was weak, and I don't think his actions made him less likable as a character, but I still think you should end one relationship before you start the next.

I did feel sorry for him but not that he was justified. I believe in a working relationship, there should be more communication and sacrifices must be made from both parties to keep the marriage and the love alive. It is a reality today how partners have selfish interests that must be accomplished and that is the overarching reason for cheating as seen in the book, my opinion.

[mishkaat]

It's not okay to say cheating can b done .we can't justify cheating.

[Karina Nowak]

The protagonist's anguish and remorse protect him from becoming a pariah in my opinion. But I think that something that has not been given enough attention (even by the author) is the effect of the 2008 financial crash on people's psyche. Institutions that were regarded as venerable and invincible came crashing down. If you were employed by one of them you effectively found yourself in a warzone, guiltily hoping the colleague in the office next to you got taken out before you. Even though Uliel eventually lost his job he was spared the indignity of being marched out on a moment's notice in front of everyone and arriving home to explain that to Rachel. There are elements to his behavior that seem like post-traumatic stress to me. I think his recovery was from more than just his divorce and that the breakdown of his relationship was inevitable.

I honestly forgot this part of the book as I read it maybe early to mid last year, but this is a good point. People often forget how the stress of outside influences can put strain on your personal life. Along with everything else that he was dealing with at home having this stressor at work constantly every day in your face of losing you and your family's livelihood is enough to drive some people mad.

And I think if his wife understood more about how he was feeling in this pressured environment and that the man missions were helping him relieve his anxiety over it, she might not have been so ready to dismiss them. Maybe, I don't know.

[Karina Nowak]

Sometimes I’m amazed when I know I feel very strongly about a certain subject, but an author can totally change my thought process through their writing. It’s pretty incredible.

I know! This was exactly me! I mean I DO NOT think cheating is okay. That has not changed.

When it happened I was like, "dude, no, don't go there, go home, drag your wife into therapy if you have too, sort it out!"

But I have to admit at the same time I... understood why he did it, and I didn't hate him for it. It was a strange feeling.

[Karina Nowak]

While I don't think anyone condones cheating, most of us will admit to making poor decisions. This book does a great job showing how poor decisions (seemingly so minuscule at the time) can domino into a series of unfortunate events and pain for ourselves and others.

Very true. ALL of us have made poor decisions about something at one point in our lives but only some of us will admit to it. I am learning to take all of mine in stride and not bury others for their own mistakes. Which is why I really liked this book. It showed the other side of something ugly and frowned upon in society, but also the remorse behind it and the resilience of forgiving yourself and starting again.

[Karina Nowak]

Firstly, I think all the wives/girlfriends were saints. Letting their partners go off an annual man mission regardless of circumstances at home, is almost beyond belief. And let's not forget that none of these trips were cheap, they all would have cost a small fortune, although the book never talks about this. On top of that, there was clearly a lot of sports gear and gadget buying to accompany the trips.
On the flip side, I do think the male bonding and escapism is necessary in life, but it doesn't need to be so extreme and expensive.
And despite their male bonding, they all suffered in silence anyway and didn't share their inner emotions with each other until it was too late.
Getting to the point about the cheating then, yes I felt sorry for the man character and also his wife, children and parents. Actually what the book serves to prove is that cheating is wrong and can never be the right action to take. What follows is utter heartbreak and destruction all round. But the book helps us understand the pressure men face and how many of them simply can't or won't express their feelings, fearing they will appear weak or a failure. I was worried this could have ended up with a much darker outcome, male suicide being a current topic gaining much support in the UK.
What I hope is it encourages men to feel they can bare their soul to loved ones and that in our relationships, we have more empathy with each other.

This comment was lovely! Really sums up what I also felt about this book and why I would recommend it. Thank you!

[Kenesha Latoya Fowler]

I'm glad you pointed out that it's not okay to cheat. Do I feel sorry for the main character? No, I don't. He wasn't clueless; he saw what was happening with that woman. His friend even warned him. I can empathize with him feeling under pressure and unhappy in his marriage. But look at the fall out.

I wouldn't say that he got what he deserved, because in cheating on his wife and getting subsequently divorced, he broke his own heart. No one really deserves heartbreak. But I do think it was his own fault. We always have a choice; he chose wrong.

[eastandalchemy]

While I don't think anyone condones cheating, most of us will admit to making poor decisions. This book does a great job showing how poor decisions (seemingly so minuscule at the time) can domino into a series of unfortunate events and pain for ourselves and others.

Very true. ALL of us have made poor decisions about something at one point in our lives but only some of us will admit to it. I am learning to take all of mine in stride and not bury others for their own mistakes. Which is why I really liked this book. It showed the other side of something ugly and frowned upon in society, but also the remorse behind it and the resilience of forgiving yourself and starting again.

Very well said!

[Ellylion]

I have to say I did feel sorry for him, but there is no justification for cheating in my mind. You can always leave a relationship if you're not happy. He said how bad he felt about it but he kept going back. It wasn't just a one-time thing that he felt guilt over. I actually understand why he did it at the "moment" but I can't understand why he kept cheating and didn't stop until Rachael confronted him.

I agree. Also, if he keeps going back, then cheating turns into a habit.