Official Review: Ahmeni by Marvin Jones

[CherylTegan7]

[Following is an official OnlineBookClub.org review of "Ahmeni" by Marvin Jones.]

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2 out of 4 stars

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Ahmeni by Marvin Jones is a Science Fiction and Fantasy novel with the classic good versus evil and a bad guy trying to take over the world. A powerful group called the Ahmeni were Soul Warriors who practiced a kind of magic harnessed from the energy all around them. Rogue warriors within the Ahmeni started studying the darker side of their powers. Once they split, the rogues created the Shew Empire and began conquering worlds. Soon after, they declared war on the Federation. Whether by luck or fate, only one person survived the war because he wasn’t there.

Malik was part of the Federation, but was sent undercover into the Shew Empire as a spy. Trained in techniques by both sides, and realizing each side’s failings, he set out for another galaxy, ready to start over. He came to a world that seemed peaceful at first, but upon closer inspection he found there was evil. Lands had recently been conquered by Emperor Cole and he was about to expand. Sensing the planet’s balance being thrown off, Malik ventures forth and saves a village from the Emperor’s dark army, all of whom have become dark entities from another realm. Malik feels he must help stop Emperor Cole, but he must also create a new Ahmeni without the pitfalls of the last. That is where his new apprentice will come in.

What I liked best about this novel is that it takes the classic good versus evil and gives us a main character who realizes both sides had cons. While one side conquered, the other was too stuck in their ways and never changed. When he lands on this new world and senses the danger, he goes right in to investigate and ends up saving an entire village. A guy who has literally lost everyone he knows and his entire way of life, yet still charges in to save those in need. That’s a character to root for. While there is war and death, there’s nothing really graphic. There are fight scenes with good action, cool weapons, and magic. What’s not to like?

However, there were a few things that really detracted from what could have been a pretty epic story. There are several points of view that switch quite often. A few are very long, while most are short, which doesn't read smoothly. The novel really focuses on Malik, then gives snippets of information from other characters, showing readers the other moving pieces. I think one less POV, probably cutting the King and Queen’s perspective, would’ve let the author delve deeper into the meat of the story without losing any of the plot. There were many errors which definitely took away from the read. Everything was written in a very simple, straightforward way and didn’t dig deep into any emotions.

There were even a few areas where the character's reactions were weird. In the midst of a battle, you don’t think an adult would see a good distraction and think, ‘awesome.’ Malik sometimes reads more like a teen on his first assignment rather than a seasoned warrior with the weight of all he's lost on his shoulders. The narrator also has tense shifts and switches from first person to third person randomly. Much of the dialogue and inner thoughts aren't put in quotes or italics to distinguish them from the rest of the narrative.

I give this 2 out of 4 stars, though it’s close to a 1. There’s a story here that has such potential, but it really needs another round of editing. While there is a slight spiritual aspect to this novel, I don’t see that putting anyone off.

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Ahmeni
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[Cynthia_Oluchi]

Baffles me how a world could be so evil
beneath but looks peaceful on the outside. Well, that's fantasy! This is a good review.

[bellajavier]

Ah well the emotions are not developed properly in a book, it is always disappointing, and on top of that ERRORS? that always makes me mad. There is much potential in the story, and your review is written so well! Thankyou for it

[NetMassimo]

Multiple points of view are tricky to develop, and their fragmentation can indeed cripple a novel. Possibly this one needed some structural editing to improve its readability. Thank you for your honest review!

[CherylTegan7]

Baffles me how a world could be so evil
beneath but looks peaceful on the outside. Well, that's fantasy! This is a good review.

Good point! Thanks for commenting.

[CherylTegan7]

Ah well the emotions are not developed properly in a book, it is always disappointing, and on top of that ERRORS? that always makes me mad. There is much potential in the story, and your review is written so well! Thankyou for it

It is a shame to see a good plot mostly lost in the multitude of errors and a too-simple narrative. The story's definitely there, just needs more work. Thanks for commenting!

[CherylTegan7]

Multiple points of view are tricky to develop, and their fragmentation can indeed cripple a novel. Possibly this one needed some structural editing to improve its readability. Thank you for your honest review!

Structural edits would greatly improve the read. And yeah, writing multi POVs is tough for anyone. Thanks for commenting!