That's a good point. Maybe to still give it impact the person loses the powers after transferring them.Jacktone Ogada wrote: ↑05 Mar 2020, 12:43 Well, I could have removed the merger effect and create a way of just sharing the powers without any death.
What Would You Do Differently?
- Frannie Annie
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Re: What Would You Do Differently?
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Agreed.I would take away the JoAnn fixation and include a chance for him to redeem himself after what happened to Terry.
Adam's obsession with his mother disturbed me at times, especially the fact that he had her photos all over the walls of Den. Just no. Love for your parents is wholeheartedly well and good, but the sexual undertone and his jealousy towards his father were just not okay.
As for what happened to Terry, it seems she had only been a prop for shock value, then her entire incident was swept under the rug. If there were some way to somehow redeem Adam for her death (not sure how), then it would have helped for sure, considering that Terry is the reason why I do not like or connect with Adam -- who is meant to be the main protagonist.
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I agree! This is not the message that needs to be sent in any context or genre. It is too dangerous and appalling that this behavior could EVER be excused.leareiler wrote: ↑03 Mar 2020, 12:30 I agree, I would also take away Adam's fixation with his mother. But I would either take out the Terry situation entirely, or give justice to her. I think that the message it would send to readers (or the message that it is sending to readers) if Adam was able to "redeem" himself is that if you change your character enough to be like-able, then the harm, abuse, etc., you've done to others is excusable and doesn't ever need revisiting. It is a dangerous message to send, and one that we should not be sending today, what with the MeToo movement.
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That's exactly my thoughts when I was reading this book. It could have used a bit of editing in the beginning and maybe turn down the oedipus complex a notch.
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This will give a sweet and loving touch to the story rather than making the readers uncomfortable due to his toxic behaviour.
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I feel like if it was known that JoAnn wasn't his biological mother would've been easier to understand Adam's feelings. I think I would've changed the way they handled the death of Terry. It deserved to be properly addressed.S1234 wrote: ↑03 Mar 2020, 10:03 Spoiler alert
I feel like a lot of people, myself included, struggled through this story because of Adam's fixation with JoAnn, despite there being an explanation. Do you think it would have been more enjoyable for the target audience if this specific part was not part of the plot? And if he was able to redeem himself for what happened to Terry?
What would you do differently to improve your impression of this story?
I would take away the JoAnn fixation and include a chance for him to redeem himself after what happened to Terry.
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I totally agree with rewriting the book in the past tenses. The present tense kind of threw me off and sometimes disconnected me from the moment.Odette Chace wrote: ↑15 Mar 2020, 18:41 Spoiler Alert
There are many things I would change in this story. I agree that Adam's relationship with JoAnn should have been more wholesome. I may or may not cut the scene with Terry as well because I feel like his mental space was apparent even without any added sexual frustration. It takes a lot to unironically refer to your peers as "animals." Plus, I already thought he was delusional when he was carrying around a book about telekinesis in high school.
If I was writing this book, I would also rewrite the entire thing in past tense and change the ending. How on earth did they know where to go in Greenland? It's kind of a big place. There's more I would change as well, but those are a few starters.
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