A lesson for parents

Use this forum to discuss the January 2021 Book of the month, "The Vanished" by Pejay Bradley
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Justine Ocsebio
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Re: A lesson for parents

Post by Justine Ocsebio »

I think the mother did a relatively good job raising Embon, all things considered. Some of Lady Sougyon’s parenting methods are flawed and I wished she did some it differently. But on the other hand, she is a product of her time as well. She raised her son the way mothers of aristocratic background such as her would raise their children.
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Post by theprakriti »

The book gives a great lesson to the readers. Parents must know that they don't not have the soul right to determine the future of their kids. They may have given birth to them but once they came into the world they have their own soul, own mind and own thinking. They must not restrict their way of thinking. They may make bad decisions which will ruin their lives in the later run. The book also portrays parents who are thinking about the well-being as well as good education of their children. But all of that seems to fade away when they start taking their decisions about marriage. They should be more open-minded about the rituals and customs and also inter-caste marriages. Many instances in the book show that Koreans were not allowed to marry Japanese. All of these things must be taken care of.
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Post by lavkathleen »

The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. Although his mom and grandfather had progressive ideals, they were still a family from a high social class. A lot of things in life are served to them on a silver platter. But it's good that he had a heart of gold and had the strength to change his ways. I believe this is also partly because of his mom and grandfather.
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Post by lavkathleen »

I think the problem also lies with the culture and traditions. The life of privilege and royalty was all Lady Sougyon has always known, and so this is how she raised her son, too. She and her father had progressive ideals and has thought Embon better manners, but growing up in that environment will uninevitably leave him pampered and spoiled.
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Post by lavkathleen »

If he was raised in a different household, he would definitely have a different childhood and experience. But I think the point was that he moved past his spoiled-brat-phase and became the man that he is. Because of the person that he is, it doesn't matter how he grew up—he will fight for the freedom of his country in the end.
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Post by lavkathleen »

jsirbas wrote: 13 Jan 2021, 19:17 I thought it shocking that his mother didn't discipline him as a young child. It would have been poorly looked at by other members of his society. Still he grew into a well mannered young man. As for his father I was glad he recognized him for what he was.
I actually have a feeling that people from his social class wouldn't mind what Mr. Seoh saw. At least, some of them. There are a few reasons: 1) he's related to the royal family; 2) he was just a kid; 3) and the person he was kicking was merely a servant. To be fair, I was shocked, too. I was really glad with how he turned out to be the man that he was, though.
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Post by lavkathleen »

Swirliegirlie wrote: 13 Jan 2021, 21:21 I didn't agree with Lady Sougyon's parenting myself. I also agree that as parents we can't solve every problem for our children or they will become the spoiled brat Embon was at the beginning of the story. Unless she changed her parenting methods and it wasn't mentioned, I find it very unrealistic that he turned into such a great student. Part of the fun in reading fiction I guess :)
I think although he was pampered and spoiled, his mom probably put serious pressure on him with his studies. After all, this affects their family's image which is something that they're greatly concerned about. And since he was smart, it didn't take much work for him. Another aspect connected to their image is how he carries himself as a man from the upper class. He probably caught up early on that he had to drop his childish acts at some point.

Of course, these aren't written in the book so I'm not 100% sure... but I think this counts as an educated assumption based on the story. :lol2:
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Post by Vivian Jabeya »

I think that if Embon had had a different upbringing he would have become a different man. Our upbringing has a great influence on us. It is important for parents to prepare their children for the future.
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Post by Eunice Geres »

There are certain things I disagree and completely baffled that it actually happened. I can't believe a parent let their child be disrespectful to elderly people. I also disagree that parents should focus on a child's certain ability. I believe there are different facets that a child could excel on. Lady something, what's her name, should've done better
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Post by Goodness C N »

Personally, I do think that parents should loosen up a bit on this parental love and protection which most times are overt. Most often, an overprotected child who isn't allowed to mix up with his/her peers at an early stage finds it hard to cope in the long run. This is because the lack the experience and can not relate properly.
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Post by Mallory Porshnev »

I do think it's important that children are not babied too much, but a sheltered, safe life is not necessarily bad. Not everyone needs to experience extreme hardship in order to know what the world is like. Travel and education are more important.
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Post by RHD »

I think Lady Sougyon was as good a parent as any other. In fact, she was better than most. Children should not blame parents for how they turn out. From an early age, we are able to listen and make sound decisions. Kim Embon should have used his privileges and upbringing to his advantage. Let's just hope, because that's all we can do for now, he doesn't become his father's son.
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Post by enna_idEsrun »

Embon's upbringing definitely lacked the balance that would be present had he been brought up by both parents. It certainly is challenging for a woman to teach a boy how to become a man yet I observed Lady Sougyon's role in Embon's not growing up to be a more balanced adult. Lady Sougyon admittedly believes that a child should be allowed to vent his feelings and throwing tantrums were acceptable by her. I however totally share Mr. Seoh's sentiments in his comment about the child Embon kicking the servant. Despite Embon's obvious father-need, Lady Sougyon's role in him becoming the adult he turned out to be was significant.
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Post by athurst123 »

I definitely think that Embon would have been a different person if he had a different upbringing. He was raised privileged and rather spoiled. His own father chose to be poor because he was granted more freedom that way. I think Embon did grow up to be respectful and he was greatly cared for by his mother.
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Post by Guda Lydia »

I agree a person's upbringing greatly affects their character and actions to a degree. Parents are always at a crossroad between disciplining and protecting their children from all evil and sufferings. If the balance is of, then things turn out as Embon. The intention might be right especially in the then society, but still every action has consequences. I think this is an age old balance issue for parents.
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